Dumb and Dumber-Donkeys can't sleep in the bathtub and more unusual laws in the U.S. Part 2

I had no idea there were so many stupid laws. I’m incredibly dense that way. I can see now that if I only put down the funniest, it will take me 470 hubs of 900 words each. This calculates into 5 years in government time.

So, I’m going to pick the dumbest in each state. This will hopefully only take me 12 hubs and 2 years in government time. (I believe that will be 2 days in regular people time, but I may be off by a day or two.)

Arizona:

Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.

Commentary/Decision:This is ludicrous. My ass is in the bathtub every night. When I can, I send my daughter’s ass in there too. No one ever gets hurt. I say toss this law. People should be able to let their asses go to sleep in the tub if they like. (Toss)

Arkansas:

Flirtation between a man and a woman on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.

Commentary/Decision: This is a tough one. It would really depend on their definition of “flirtation”. On one hand, I would hate to be thrown in jail just because I saw a good-lookin’ construction worker and yelled, “Hey, baby" and possibly wolf-whistled. On the other hand, I totally think all the people walking around with their hands in each other’s pockets should be tossed in the slammer for at least thirty days. I guess I can refrain. (Keep)

California:

There were so many here, it was difficult to choose just one, but I finally did.

You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows.

Commentary/Decision: This makes all kinds of sense. God forbid some guy should go around pretending to be a cowboy if he doesn’t own some cows! What would people think of Californians? Keep this law, although, I expect to see several well-known movie stars staring out from the wrong end of the jail cell if this is ever enforced. (Keep)

I know I said just one per state, but seriously… in California, you are guaranteed the right to sunshine. I just wanted to make sure my friend Chris Lincoln, in rain-soaked California, was aware that he could ask for his money back.

Colorado:

Tags may be ripped off of pillows and mattresses.

Commentary/Decision: A definite keeper. I have spent my entire life running from the mattress police. You would think the knowledge that it was a federal crime would have stopped me from ripping, but it’s an obsession. If there’s a tag on a pillow or mattress and I’m close enough to reach out and grab it… well, I won’t go incriminating myself anymore until after I move to Colorado. (Keep)

Connecticut:

This particular law may be of interest to fellow hubber, Stan Fletcher.

A pickle is not considered a pickle unless it bounces.

Commentary/Decision: As someone whose daughter could live off of pickles, I have to say, please toss this law. I’m not sure how other people feel, but after she bounces the pickle I’m not real keen on her eating it. (Toss)

Again, I must deviate from my own rule….

In Hartford, CT, it is illegal to educate your dog.

Commentary/Decision: I can only think that this must be because the lawmakers realized that should dogs become educated they would easily pass up their owners in earning potential. I say let’s break that glass ceiling. Educate the dogs. Damn it, they’re people too! (Toss)

Delaware:

Getting married on a dare is grounds for annulment.

Commentary/Decision: You have to wonder how many people must have done this for the lawmakers to feel they needed to enact this law. Just how bored are they in Delaware? (Keep)

Florida:

This was also a difficult state to make just one choice on dumb laws. I’m beginning to see a trend here…

It is illegal to fart in a public place after 6:00 pm.

Commentary/Decision:This one definitely has to go. Farting is a natural, healthy and beautiful thing. You would think Floridians would know that. To be limited as to when one can avail oneself of the pleasure of letting off a good rip is a crime in itself. Toss this in the toilet and fart on it. (After 6 pm!) (Toss)

Georgia:

In Columbus, Georgia no one may tease an idiot.

Commentary/Decision: I’m fairly certain I know how this law came about. If someone calls you a name like “freaking moron” and you’re a member of the city council, all you have to do is make it illegal for them to do this ever again. Actually, I have a feeling there was a unanimous vote on this one. Toss it and go back to calling it like you see it! (Toss)

And the last one for today…

Hawaii:

Surprisingly, or not, Hawaii didn’t have many dumb laws to choose from. I think that’s because all the smart people have migrated to Hawaii. They left behind their less advanced ancestors in Florida and California.

Here’s the best I could do:

In Hawaii it is illegal to place coins in your ears.

Commentary/Decision: Toss this. If I ever make it to Hawaii, I want to see the locals put the coins in their ears. I think it’s an ancient custom handed down by their honored ancestors, you know, before there were banks. (Toss)

That’s it for today. This is becoming quite an undertaking. I had no idea just how dumb our lawmakers were! Except you guys in Georgia, you’re super-bright… on opposite day. I think I can say that. I didn’t call them idiots, at least not in a way that they’ll be able to figure out.