Dumb and Dumber-No using slot machines in an outhouse, and more dumb laws in the U.S. part 6

Are you ready to explore some more of our great country? I hope you brought you boots; some of this gets really deep!!

Our first stop is…

Ohio:

It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday.

What happened? This law was made during the height of whale fishing season. The good people of Ohio were catching so many whales that the lawmakers feared they might become extinct. They actually added to this law, and now goldfish crackers are off limits on Sundays as well.

More from Ohio:

It’s illegal to mistreat anything of great importance.

What happened? What I really want to know is who gets to decide what’s of great importance. For one person this could mean, “don’t knock your wife around”, for another, it could just as easily mean, “don’t forget to wax your car ”.

Still in Ohio

You may not install or use slot machines in an outhouse.

What happened? This is a difficult one to track. The story goes like this…Mom, pop, and sis were all lined up with their legs crossed jumping up and down while brother was inside the outhouse shouting, “I did it again! I win! I win

Oklahoma:

It is illegal for the owner of a bar to allow anyone inside to pretend to have “relations” with a buffalo.

What happened? The buffalo was tired of being led on. Either step up to the plate, or leave the buffalo alone.

Another one from Oklahoma

It is illegal to wear your boots to bed.

What happened? This was another concession for the buffalo.

Oregon:

Drivers must yield to pedestrians who are standing on the sidewalk.

What happened? I’m thinking “inbreeding”.

Another one to prove my point:

Babies may not be carried on the running boards of a car.

What happened? See above.

Pennsylvania.

It is illegal to sleep on a refrigerator outside .

What happened? In Pennsylvania an outside refrigerator is a block of ice. Janice Joplin was passing through Pennsylvania one day and became tired. She fell asleep on block of ice, which just happened to be the outdoor refrigerator for the town’s Boy Scout Troup.

For weeks afterward, the boy scouts were trying to help dogs cross the street. Acid and boy scouts don’t mix.

Rhode Island.

It is illegal to bite off someone else’s leg.

What happened? First of all, I believe it’s important to note that it is perfectly legal to bite off your own leg.

Rhode Island is a cold place. Winters are long, and sometimes boring. People often hook up with the wrong person. When people sleep together in Rhode Island they often throw their leg over the other person. One day Craven Dufus woke up to find that the number ten from the night before, when viewed with sober eyes was a negative two. Not wanting to disturb her, he bit off his leg.

Dufus sorely regretted his decision. The lawmakers knew Dufus. They knew he would get drunk again one day, and Sally Bagugly was still on the market for a man. Fearing that the next time he would bite off HER leg, they quickly passed this law. ‘

Good Job lawmakers.

South Carolina.

By law, if a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, the marriage must take place.

What happened? This law came about to counter the “It’s OK, we’re getting married” line.

Also…

A permit must be obtained to fire a missile.

What happened? The lawmakers scratched their heads, banged their heads on a wall, bashed their heads into concrete blocks, got concussions, and figured out how to cut down on terrorism.

Last, but far from least, we have the often overlooked….

South Dakota:

(The following laws are what happen when people forget your state exists.)

No horses are allowed into Fountain Inn unless they are wearing pants.

What happened? Obviously too many horses walked into the Inn without pants and ruined it for everyone else. Ingrates.

If there are more than 5 Native Americans on your property you may shoot them.

What happened? This was a sneaky way for lawmakers to get around having to pay up when they lost at poker.

If three or more Indians are walking down the street together, they can be considered a war party and fired upon.

What happened? Playing Cowboys and Indians never ends for the people of South Dakota. Also, once you’ve shot 2 of the 5 on your property, this law gives you leeway to keep on shooting!

Finally, today, we come to Tennessee. The intelligence of these people is underwhelming.

It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish.

What happened? It was a cold day in December 1812. Bubba and BillyBob were down by the lake. They had a bet to see who could catch the most fish with a lasso. Ironically, they both became fish food later that night when, overcome by hypothermia and stupidity, they fell into the lake.

A side note, the lawmakers understood the need for fishing. They compromised and wrote a bill allowing hunters to shoot whales from their car, thus keeping this hypothermic incident from ever happening again.

Next time we'll be visiting Texas. Texas is an awesome state... I wonder if we'll find any dumb laws there. Probably not.