Dumb and Dumber-On Sunday don't look up while you pee and more unusual laws in the U.S. part 4

I think I’ll stick with trying to figure out what must have made the lawmakers decide these were laws that needed to be passed. It’s kind of like buying an old house and trying to figure out why the staircase was placed in the middle of the bathroom, or why the kitchen sink has two sprayers; only the people who did it know, but it sure is fun to try and figure it out anyway.

Let’s dive right in!

Massachussettes:

It is illegal to give beer to hospital patients.

What happened? First of all, let me please go on record as saying, no matter what happened this law is a very, very bad one. No one in the world needs beer MORE than hospital patients! Beer lowers stress. Beer is alcohol, and therefore sanitary. Having a stock of beer is also a great way to ensure you get visitors.

No beer? That’s just wrong.

They probably meant that the nurses were to have their own beer, and not to distribute it to patients. Patients should bring their own. This makes sense. If the nurses gave away all their beer, they wouldn’t have any left. Then their stress level would go up. Nothing would be sanitary. Worst of all, they would have nothing to lure the hoards of visitor’s back out of patient’s rooms. It would be pandemonium.

One more for Massachussettes:

One may not detonate a nuclear device within the city of Marlboro.

What happened? Obviously someone in a neighboring city detonated a nuclear device. Seeing that it didn’t go well, the astute councilmen of Marlboro took it upon themselves to make sure that kind of tom-foolery didn’t happen in their city!

Michigan:

A woman isn’t allowed to cut her own hair without her husband’s permission.

What happened? This is an easy one. Bob Harriman, state senator of Michigan, gets married. His bride is lovely. His bride is sweet. His bride can’t cook for crap. He comments on the burnt spaghetti. She shaves her head. There are certain advantages to being a senator. The next day Bob calls an emergency session and a live-in cook.

Minnesota:

A person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head.

What happened? This was a tough one. I can only imagine that there was a beautiful woman in Wisconsin who liked guys with ducks on their heads. The wives of the duck-wearing men, who kept sneaking over from Minnesota to Wisconsin to get some action, got fed up. Hence the duck law.

*As a side note, with a little research I did discover this to be exactly what happened. The woman died just a few months after this law was passed. It’s rumored that she choked to death on a chicken bone.

Mississippi:

It is illegal to teach others what polygamy is.

What happened? I’m going to assume the people who decided to make this law weren’t from Utah. They probably had a visitor who was, though. They looked around and did some math. The ugly guys wouldn’t stand a chance!

Missouri:

Though clotheslines are banned, clothes may be draped over a fence.

What happened? Councilman Tip See was stumbling home after a night of “law making”, tripped into a clothesline and hung himself. They call this the “Tip See Law”.

Montana:

Worrying squirrels will not be tolerated.

What happened? I’m not even sure what this means. Does this mean that you aren’t allowed to cause the squirrels to worry, or that the squirrels aren’t allowed to worry? I’m so confused.

It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone.

What the hell? No, seriously, what the hell?

Nebraska:

If a child burps during church, his parent may be arrested.

What happened? All I can say is that in Nebraska, they take their churchin’ seriously. Pastor Brimstone does not tolerate burping. Silent farts, however, are allowed.

Nevada:

It’s illegal to drive a camel on the highway.

What happened? The people of Nevada were tolerant folks. The camels on the highways were annoyances, sure, but they were considered just a way of life. Then, in 1973, Henry Ford decided to put a steering wheel and a tailpipe on his camel. That was just too far. The chrome was distracting as well.

Last but not least today, we have ….

New Hampshire:

On Sundays citizens may not relieve themselves while looking up.

What Happened? Well, let’s see. On Sunday, people wear nice shoes. When you look up while you’re relieving yourself, what do you think might end up on those shoes? I know! I know! Look down, people! Guess what you were tracking into church? Great law!

That’s it for today. So, just remember, the laws might seem silly at first, but by looking a little deeper we see that they are frivolous and silly. Research always pays off.