Life becomes Stronger with Every Experience
Sheltered Family Life
Being the youngest daughter of a joint family I enjoyed a sheltered life. Especially the protection I received from my brothers and sisters. No, no, I don’t mean my parents and other guardians were damn strict and my siblings and cousins protected me from them. In reality, no preferences were offered to anybody by the guardians but brothers and sisters (including cousins) were all there for me with an extended helping hand just because I was the junior most in the family. Wait a minute, what’s harm in considering my own self the senior most from the reverse side of a family tree.
Kindness of God
It would be very mean on my part if I say that only my family members tried to keep me away from all odds but God was also very kind to me. He gifted me with such a lovely family and kept me far away from the true pains of life. Yes, you have rightly understood it. I consider myself extremely fortunate that in my family I witnessed the tragic events such as deaths of the dear ones at a much matured age. The first death which I remember was of my aunt (uncle’s wife) but I was not physically present at the venue because she was hospitalized in a different city. That incident occurred a little early in my life. I was only in twelfth grade and it pained me emotionally but I was saved from facing it physically.
Emotional Turmoil
I then faced death from a very close quarter after a gap of fifteen years. At that time I was matured and married but the year 2000 that which unfolded unfortunate events was a turning point of my life. Two deaths occurred within a month of February to March and I instantly learnt the meaning of death. I lost my aunt (my father’s youngest sister) in February, 2000 and her death was a big blow to my personality.
She breathed her last in a hospital and I was the only person physically present there at that time. She was very critical and was in ICU. It was 10.30 at night when I was waiting in the room allotted to my aunt. A nurse came and asked me to meet the doctor in the ICU. I rushed there and as I pushed the closed door of the ICU from outside I saw my aunt’s bed was covered by the curtains. I shivered and felt something terrible had happened. The doctor informed me and very softly I went near my aunt’s bed. I watched her lying still with some discharges from the mouth. For the first time I witnessed death so very closely and no one from the family was there beside me on whose shoulder I would have rested my head and wept. I stood there for a while and came out quietly of the ICU with a heavy heart and tears rolled down. Thereafter I informed my biological family and my siblings rushed to the hospital. The worst thing which we faced after that was we were asked to leave our aunt in the hospital morgue and wait until next day for the completion of the formalities. We had no other choice and left our aunt in the hospital morgue and returned home with remorse only to come back to the hospital early next morning.
A Challenge
After reaching home it was the time to face another challenge. My father, who was on pacemaker from 1973, was the eldest of all his siblings. It was in January 2000 when his leg got fractured and was completely on bed for more than one and a half months. We reached home and my parents woke up though we were whispering to one another in an adjacent room. Before we could say something to them they stared at me with full of tears in their eyes. They understood whatever had happened. My father, an eldest brother, lost his youngest sister was in deep shock and my mother, who was about to complete her sixty years in this family, was equally pained. Those who managed us in ups and downs were totally shattered and we hardly had anything to comfort them.
An Awful Experience
Practically speaking our painful experience started a week ago. We experienced an awful situation. At that time, I felt God was testing our patience but I was unaware that I would experience a much bitter situation. It so happened that one evening my father was feeling uneasy and doctor advised for hospitalization. It seemed fractured leg was not enough for my father’s pain rather an added problem made it worse. If it was not enough then it so happened that very next day that aunt who expired got admitted in the emergency ward of the same hospital. To add more woes to it my aunt was placed just next to my father’s bed. Literally, we were in a soup. Firstly, two members of the family were hospitalized and we wanted to hide it from them but how can it be kept hidden when both were lying next to each other in the emergency ward. After a day my father was discharged from the hospital but my aunt was kept there for one more day and then we shifted her to another hospital on the doctor’s recommendation. Who knew that she was not going to come back home? Just after a week it was all over only to put me into a situation which I had never experienced earlier.
An Emotional Loss
According to the Hindu rituals every rite was performed properly and it was the time for me to leave for another city where I stayed with my husband and in-laws. On the due date my train got cancelled due to some railway problems and you won’t believe it was like a breather to me. Next day as I was about to leave my father constantly requested me to stay with him for few more days but as you know sometimes we fail to keep some requests and I left. When I was leaving I saw my ailing father weeping and felt helpless. Everyone in the family saw me off near the entrance gate while my father was lying alone on the bed in his room. Little I knew that I saw him alive for the last time. Just after fifteen days the tragic event unfolded again. I lost my father due to a severe heart attack. I rushed back to my father’s place only to meet my dead father and once again faced a bitter truth. The death anniversaries of my aunt and my father recently completed twelve long years. In the mean time I lost my mother and uncles too. They suffered before they left forever and we watched them helplessly with only a consolation that we took the best possible medical advice as and when required.
Inner Void
When experiences are mostly happy ones, excluding the trivial problems, then it becomes difficult to come to terms with severe odd things in life. Death of some loved one is the worst happening in life. It is a tremendous emotional blow. For me, life twelve years ago meant, my loved ones would be always around and when the shocking truth stood in front of me I failed to accept it. Though, I tried to project myself very strong in front of others but I experienced a void within me. This inner turmoil was eating me up but I was determined to hide it. It’s just because I did not want my biological family to get disturbed as you know they always tried to protect me from all odds.
This turned out to be a challenge for me. I behaved like an extremely normal person even in front of my husband and in-laws so that they too would not get upset. I only knew what went wrong within me. It was extra painful because I was away from my biological family who always gave me a sheltered life. Everyday for me was a kind of learning day. Each day I started to gain a little more courage to fight out my inner turmoil. I felt it’s easy to fight the enemies placed outside but fighting it out with my inner self was very difficult. Emotions are always deep rooted and a little bit of strain in it are hard to handle then when death of a loved one was the cause of an emotional blow it was just too much for me. Still, I never gave up and unknowingly learnt to live a normal life from within. I unwillingly did everything which a normal person would do after having the tragic experiences. Somehow, it paid off. It gradually filled the inner void and helped me to accept the practicality of life. I learnt to handle with emotional loss and dealt with it in details in Control Emotions to Enjoy Life
Be Emotionally Dutiful
Though the joint family structure never gave me unwanted agony but I never received any pampering too. At the time of performing duty towards our family there was only one consideration which depended upon our age. We were always taught to be emotionally dutiful towards each other. I believe the way I was brought up amid lots of love; care and mental peace; also with a sense of responsibility towards the family made me a sensitive woman of today.
Every Experience makes Life Strong
It was tough for me to accept emotional crisis especially because I had led a sheltered and protected life. Honestly speaking, the sensible observation of other persons’ experience helped me to recover. Now I understand that loved ones who are no more with me physically are always with me in my thoughts. Coping up with the death experiences have taught me to live in the present and remember my dear ones for all the good things in life. They willingly tried to protect me from every hardship and turmoil. Those experiences helped me to trust every emotional relationship. Their death was my emotional loss but the trust on emotional relationship was created by their love, care and protection has made me what I am today. Any kind of situation: good or bad cannot perplex me any more. Every experience makes life strong and life becomes worth living.
