ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Family Customs and Practices in the Philippines That I Want To Change

Updated on March 20, 2012

The Philippines is a family-centered and community-centered country. Much value is placed on family togetherness, family obligation, conformity to society’s rules and expectations, and obedience, which in some instances is a good thing, but taken to extremes it does more harm than good.

After reflecting on these family matters, I have realized that there are a few family customs and practices in the Philippines that I do not agree with and would like to change. Keep in mind that these are simply my opinions based on my personal values and beliefs. In the end, each of us is the best judge to determine what is best for our own families.

Expecting our children to be our retirement plan.

I’ve heard people say, “It’s good to have children so there will be someone to support us financially when we’re old.” Then I look around and see people who are always living for their parents, unable to move forward with their own lives because they are chained to the past, burdened with this heavy obligation placed upon them since birth. When these people get married and have children, they unconsciously place the same burden on their kids because they think it’s normal, and the vicious cycle continues.

This has made me see the urgency of educating people to plan for retirement. We have to stop looking at our children as retirement investments! We brought them into this world by choice, therefore it is our obligation as parents to take care of our children, not the other way around.

Expecting our children to live with us forever.

While in countries like America children are expected to live on their own once they become mature enough, in the Philippines “good” children are expected to live with their parents until the day they die. If the children do assert their independence and try to leave at some point in their adult lives, they are labeled “black sheeps”. Why?

Isn’t the role of parents to nurture and train children to become self-sufficient and responsible citizens of the future? Children are not possessions that we can buy and keep with us forever, nor are they pets that we can keep caged up.

Not training our children to think for themselves.

This is the danger when too much emphasis is placed on obedience. The parents make up all the rules and children are just expected to follow blindly. If they question orders, they are punished for “talking back”. I do agree that rules are important, but the reason behind these rules need to be properly explained to children so that they understand their value and purpose. Asking them what they think about things is also a good exercise in critical thinking and judgment.

But we tend to underestimate the thinking capacity of children too much. We talk to them in a condescending or teasing tone and say things like, “They’re just kids, they won’t understand.” But they do understand!

Being overly concerned about what others might say.

I’ve observed that this is quite common. We are so afraid that our relatives and friends might think poorly of us for some reason or other. At the same time we are also quick to find fault in the lives of these same relatives and friends. As a result, parents put tremendous pressure on the children to behave according to the set norms of society.

It is impossible to please everybody! There will always be someone somewhere out there who does not agree with us. And it’s okay. We do not need to convince everyone to be the same as us nor do we have to be the same as others. We all have our own set of values and beliefs and we think, speak and act according to them. We’ll be happier if we just respected each other’s differences and not try to impose our own values and beliefs on others.

What about you?

What family customs and practices would you like to change in your country?

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Dim Flaxenwick profile image

      Dim Flaxenwick 

      6 years ago from Great Britain

      a very interesting hub. You make many valid , good points

    • Susan Ng profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Ng Yu 

      6 years ago

      Hehe... Writing this, I could almost picture myself as an activist in the streets parading a placard that says, "Free our children! (And ourselves)" Haha! :P

    • ripplemaker profile image

      Michelle Simtoco 

      6 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      Hi Tich, I have heard of these statements many times and I was chuckling reading your hub. I guess having a different perspective will free us and make us happier too! :)

    • Susan Ng profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Ng Yu 

      6 years ago

      Thanks for the comment, jaybird22. :) You know actually I was born and raised in the Philippines, but I grew up watching American TV and reading books from Western countries.

      Yes, I've always wondered if it's true that Americans throw away leftover food. (I see it in TV shows all the time.) In the Philippines, we put it in airtight containers, put it in the refrigerator and save it for another time. :)

    • jaybird22 profile image

      jaybird22 

      6 years ago from New York

      Well written hub! I agree with most of the things you wish to change about the Philippines way of life but I also feel that this is simply because we were raised in America. I think that the people of the Philippines are born into this way of life and do not know any difference. They obviously respect and like this way of life otherwise there would be more "black sheep" within their county.

      As far as customs and practices that I would like to change here in the US, I would like to change the way we eat and spend money. I think that there is no thankfulness for the abundance of food and water that we have available to us. People overeat, eat junk, and treat their bodies like a circus. Then they can't seem to understand why they have back pain, knee pain, and their feet hurt from a simple walk from the car to the house. We are lazy and have it so good comapared to other countries but take it all for granted.

      Most people in the US spend money like water, put everything on credit, and live way above their means.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)