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Fart in Public

Updated on February 07, 2012

Phewwww!!!!!

Farting

Breaking wind is a gift that we all possess, and in private we all secretly love our squeaking butts, pharrrrrp!!! Wow what a beauty! followed by the lovely aroma of rotting food.

We all have that uncle who when we were growing up asked us to pull his finger and as we pulled it he would let of a ripper, that would leave you holding your nose for the next five minutes. And the uncle who had to go to the E.R with 3rd degree burns for trying to light his smelly tornado.

Farting in a public place is a different story though, it is a taboo that we have all had the humiliation of sharing, and even though we may be secretly proud of our little trouser explosion if anyone points the finger at us we will deny it until we are blue in the face.

Even if we do have a smug grin on our faces at the time.

Did She Just Let one Go?

Jingle Smells!!!

Women Don’t Fart

Well according to them they don’t, they at birth have an anti-fart device inserted which stops them squeaking and producing the offensive aroma.

If you believe that you will believe anything, and contrary to popular belief even Oprah and the Queen of England vent their windy pops now and again.

Farting in School

It can be the making of you or it can be the breaking of you, at school you can become a hero amongst your peers if you have a double-jointed ass the louder and more potent the underground explosion the more of a hero you become, and if you can fart at will then you are a God in the eyes of all around you, if you only have a little squeak with very little smell then you will be relegated to Dork status.

The Deadly Silence

If you really want to make an impression that everyone will remember for a long time to come, the violent silent pump, is the most potent of all, no one has any idea where it came from but the smell burns the hairs on your nostrils and leaves you gagging, silence is golden but in this case a nuclear attack would be a lot easier to take.

Wet Farts

Are by far the most dangerous, they may not be very smelly but at the nearest possible moment in time you should go to the toilets and check that your underwear is still clean. Especially if you have suffered from diarrhoea recently.

Fart Fact

Cows produce so much methane when they fart that they are partly to blame for the hole in the ozone layer.

Smell you later!!!!!

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    • helenathegreat profile image

      helenathegreat 9 years ago from Manhattan

      Great hub, Jimmy. I would expect nothing less. But don't kid yourself. Women DON'T fart. It's just a fact of life. :)

    • jimmythejock profile image
      Author

      James Paterson 9 years ago from Scotland

      I believe you Honestly I do Helen, those little toots are always blamed on the family pet lol.....jimmy

    • AskSusanPeters profile image

      AskSusanPeters 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      Jimmy,

      Love the hat! You know I just had to check on this hub. Too funny!

      Susan

    • Paraglider profile image

      Dave McClure 9 years ago from Kyle, Scotland

      Well, there we go - about as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit, to quote Billy Connolly

    • MrMarmalade profile image

      MrMarmalade 9 years ago from Sydney

      I was involved in selling 20,000 of the book.

      They sold outrageously faSt . No body ever admitted buying one.

      That was probably in the days before a hub was written on the subject.

      Great hub

    • Kenny Wordsmith profile image

      Ashok Rajagopalan 9 years ago from Chennai

      Oh, wow! What an enjoyable hub! I felt like a naughty schoolboy reading what he should not read! I had a divine uncle, who could produce it at will. He normally used it as a wordless retort when he was displeased, like people snort, I mean.

      Thanks for the laughs. The title itself is worth two!

    • Rudra profile image

      Rudra 9 years ago

      do it discretely

    • soyelude profile image

      soyelude 9 years ago from Lagos - Nigeria

      Nice hub...farts are no respecter of persons,sex,religion,creed or colour! It has a universal language and the stink is multi-racial!!!! Great one Jimmy.

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 8 years ago from San Francisco

      Belatedly found this gem of a hub - love it, Jimmy!!!!

    • guidebaba profile image

      guidebaba 8 years ago from India

      I learnt to let it GO anytime any place from my MD.

    • hubber-2009 profile image

      hubber-2009 8 years ago from India

      Oh.. what a relief.....

    • KDorfman profile image

      KDorfman 8 years ago from Pacific Northwest

      Hilarious. Very cheeky.

    • shamelabboush profile image

      shamelabboush 7 years ago

      hahahaha very funny esp. the car fart!!!

    • Trisha's Artworks profile image

      Trisha's Artworks 7 years ago

      ...about the uncle thing,,hehe i've experienced it,,..LOL

    • profile image

      LadyC 7 years ago

      Yes, women do poot. I'm a woman and I will poot if I have to. In public. At work. Around friends and family. When the urge hits me I will let it go freely. In public I'll find an empty area (like an empty aisle) and poot. At work, I will barely lift my butt from my chair to poot. My co-workers never know that I pooted. I'll talk to them and poot while I'm holding a conversation. I have excessive gas so I learned how to poot freely and not be noticed. I think it's a natural thing. LOL

    • profile image

      fart art 6 years ago

      hahahahah great hub on farts :)

    • profile image

      Lady Poot 5 years ago

      I am a female. I will pass gas in public. I don't lift my leg and bring attention to it. But if I got to fart, I will. Discreetly. I was at Applebee's tonight with a friend. I ordered honey bbq chicken wings. By the time I ate the last one, my stomach was full of gas. I was hoping the waiter would hurry and bring the check, so I could get outside, but they were busy and I could not hold any longer. I looked behind me to make sure no one was right behind me, then i farted twice at the table. I couldn't hold it. Place was busy, so no one was paying atteniton to me, but the fart rumbled off that wood chair. It's just gas.

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