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A Psychological Look at Friendships and How We Choose Our Friends

Updated on February 9, 2018

Friendship may be inherent at birth

  • How do YOU chose your friends?
  • What is the criteria for you?
  • Who do you exclude?
  • Can you ever have too many friends?

Friendship is a wonderful relationship. It can be enlightening, provide companionship, ward off loneliness, or it can be detrimental to your health and well being.

What is friendship anyway? Is it just an intangible attachment between two or more people bound by affection or esteem?

The dictionary says a friend is simply being one of the same party, nation, or group.

These definitions may be true, but there is certainly more to friendship than just a familial connection. And conversely, not all members of any group are compatible, or friends.

So, just what is it that binds two, or more, people together?

The average basic essentials are ''likenesses'', or "similarities" in some form. Whether it is physical, emotional, spiritual, or some other commonality that is shared.

We start off in life liking everyone we meet, unless we are told by our parents that certain people cannot be trusted, are not nice people, or are evil by their very nature; or until someone harms us in some way. But who makes that determination and why?

Most of us accept the people around us in close proximity as friendly; until one of them does, or says something, that is hurtful to us. Then that 'friendship' is lost.

What a "friend" is, or should be:

kind, considerate, polite, tolerant, caring, generous, pleasant to be around, faithful, agreeable, supportive, accepting of our shortcomings, protective, honest, trustworthy and truthful.

Obviously none of these traits apply to either political party and most religious affiliations. They are reserved for individuals around us.

If accepting diversity was not part of a friendship requirement, this would be a pretty dull and boring world. I cannot imagine having only those who look, and think, exactly like me around me all the time.

That is, of course, unless one thinks they are the center of all there is; then in that case i doubt there would be many folks who would actually want to be around you.

You don't have to look alike to be friends


Misplaced friendships and misplaced loyalties #1

Some people actually think that the wealthy in this country are our friends and benefactors, and they know what is best for the people in general. That could not be farther from the truth. Consider the following and decide if you truly believe such of the wealthy:

"As you no doubt know, Charles and David Koch are right-wing extremists who already exercise enormous economic and political power in our country.

As a family worth some $50 billion dollars they have reportedly spent at least $400 million attempting to influence the 2012 national elections. They have also established and funded dozens of organizations that actively support the privatization of Social Security, massive cuts in programs for working families, attacks on workers' rights, more tax breaks for billionaires and large corporations and other causes benefiting the rich and powerful.

As the owners of a major fossil fuel company, they have also been leaders in providing substantial funding for organizations that spread misinformation about the reality of global warming -- a growing crisis which threatens our entire planet." (as reported by

Too much power resting in too few hands is not what America is supposed to be about. We should all be deeply concerned that one extremely wealthy family, because of an absurd Supreme Court decision, is able to have enormous influence over our political life and elections. We must all be unalterably opposed to that same family expanding its power by controlling the news and information that millions of Americans receive.

People like this only represent themselves and their own interests, and promote their own narrow minded agendas. this is the gross mentality of all of Corporate America (conglomerations, monopolies, etc..) [note here that this not intended to include small businesses when they first start out.] But, if successful, most of them soon become as greedy and their larger counterparts.

Misplaced friendships and misplaced loyalties #2

The Florida legislature is launching an assault on working families. Some lawmakers want to make it illegal for cities and towns in the state to pass local laws that guarantee workers the right to earn paid sick days.

You read that right: illegal!

Every day, thousands of Floridians are forced to go to work while sick or to take a sick child to school or day care. When employers fail to let workers earn paid sick days, workers are faced with the impossible choice between keeping their jobs and putting food on their tables, or taking care of themselves or their loved ones.

Communities deserve the right to pass laws that benefit the public health and the health of the people who live and work there.

But, right now, Florida legislators are close to taking away that right.

They’re listening to corporate interests who are telling them that local paid sick days measures — like the one supported by more than 50,000 voters in Orange County last year — are “bad for business.” We know better.

Paid sick days are working well in cities like San Francisco, Washington, D.C., and Seattle. And lawmakers in Portland, Oregon, and New York City are close to rolling out their own local paid sick days standards.

But if H.B. 655 / S.B. 726 passes, Florida cities and towns will not have this right. (as reported by

By: d.william 05/03/2013

That's what friends are for

Close friends

How many truly 'close' friends do you have?

See results

Friends forever

© 2013 d.william


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    • d.william profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Somewhere in the south

      thanks for reading and commenting. Florida used to be a senior and vacationer friendly state, but not so much anymore.

      The police target out of state plates, and they closed the Fort Lauderdale beaches to stop summer vacationers from staying there because they did not like that "element" of society frequenting this beautiful beach.

      But it was merely a ploy to get businesses (the governor's friends), large corporations, etc... to hold their annual meetings and seminars, and encourage them to vacation here with their own private beaches, etc.. that would generate a greater influx of money into the state than the vacationers did.

      It is sad that we, as a country, had degenerated into such a base corrupt thing simply for the love of money, greed and personal power.

    • d.william profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Somewhere in the south

      thanks for reading and taking time to leave your comments.

      About Florida: great question about our esteemed "elected" officials. The answer is simple. They were not "elected". Florida is one of the most corrupt states when it comes to electoral processes and what the legislators do behind closed doors and behind the backs of the people.

      Ex: our governor was found guilty by the US justice dept, of medicare fraud, and paid in excess of 10 millions dollars in fines for stealing money from medicare - our tax dollars. And then he ran for governor of Florida and won, but i have yet to meet one single person who actually 'voted' for him. He should never have been eligible to run in the first place.

      Secondly to spite and oppose president Obama he adamantly refused to acknowledge Obamacare and turned down billions of dollars that would have given health care to Floridians. He would rather take a stab at the current administration than help the people of Florida.

      Next they are planning on charging Floridians a tax on the number of miles we drive each year. In order to do this this intelligent state government will spend billions of dollars to put a GPS on every car in Florida. I will not be surprised if he sets up road blocks coming into the state to add those GPS trackers to all cars coming into Florida as well. In my opinion this man is a perfect example of a sociopathic personality.

      And these are only the highlights of what this republican/teaparty run state has done.

    • LongTimeMother profile image


      6 years ago from Australia

      I guess it must be hard to leave Florida's climate. Sounds like people don't stay there because they like the local laws. :)

    • Jo_Goldsmith11 profile image


      6 years ago

      I heard this about Florida. I think this is not what will help build this country up. I just don't get why the floridians keep re electing these same clowns who can't wait to get in office to slap them on the other side of their faces. The Koch family and many others at least two others I am aware of, should be stood up against. We should find the courage to tell them to pay the price for the harm they have caused. I know when I open my business, one of my first two on the Core Principal list, is to:

      # 1 "Always remember God's Grace and Love".

      #2, "When I abuse #1, I pray God would let me know that I have done wrong, and get my attention"!

      I love this video and the song. This was a great song that has been lost in video land. Voted this up +++ and shared.

    • d.william profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Somewhere in the south

      Thanks for reading and for your kind words. I agree with you about friendships. I have met many nice people (online) through hub pages. Most people are kind and considerate. But some can be extremely hateful when they do not agree with what you write.

      I have also discovered that there are no friends of the people in politics, unless you are a diehard party follower. And the same goes for religious affiliations - if you do not belong to the same religion you are automatically the enemy.

      People are strange at times, but we have to love the diversity.

    • Eiddwen profile image


      6 years ago from Wales

      So very interesting and left much food for thought.

      Before I joined HubPages I very scornfully stated and believed that it was not possible to make friends online. Today I am the first to admit that I was so very wrong.

      I vote this one up and here's to so many more for us both to share on here.

      Enjoy your day.



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