- Education and Science
How To Predict Inclement Winter Weather Changes Without Need Of A Professional Meteorologist
During the winter months few things are as annoying as an inaccurate weather report. Professional meteorologists get paid for their forecasts and yet they are infamous for their wrongful predictions. Instead of having to rely on these people, wouldn't it be nice to have a reliable and time-proven method for predicting inclement weather changes before they hit? After years of experiencing sudden and severe weather changes I have developed my own methods for forecasting these changes. Now while they are not "scientifically approved", and while I do not promise they are reliable for others, for me they have worked out better than relying on some overly tanned Meteorologist hiding away in some snug tv studio office. My methods are based on observance of primal and contradictory natural forces at work in our world. Some may attribute these predictors as keeping with the philosophy of Murphy's Law, but for sake of sounding more erudite than I truly am, we'll just refer to them as signs..
Signs of quickly advancing snow storms
The local weather forecaster has predicted snow Monday-Friday with dismally disappointing results for the school kids. Now the clock turns to 12AM Saturday morning.
Your mate brings home a big bonus and your favorite lakeshore getaway retreat is offering the biggest weekend discount in ten years.
Because of the chilly air you feel obligated to bring in every stray tom in the neighborhood..and your kitten you thought was too young to breed conveniently goes into heat.
The in-laws you least like are dropping by your home for a “short” visit.
You run out of coffee, liquor, cigarettes and the trial subscription to the movie channels all on the same day.
You run out of diapers and other baby supplies all on the same day.
Your husband’s shovel breaks.
Every child in the house is sick.
Your dog’s incontinence is acting up.
You’ve lost all phone reception and internet connection when a family of Jehovah’s Witnesses show up at your door with a flat tire and one of them in labor.
It's Super Bowl Sunday, the family's on the last roll of toilet tissue and your husband's friends all drop by toting a six-pack each.
Signs of dangerous black ice ahead
You just got a flat tire and had to pull Ole Baldy out of the dust in the trunk.
You’ve turned 18 and Dad lets you take the car out on your own for the first time.
The town’s marching band festival is scheduled.
Your riding companion gets a txt saying Justin Bieber was just spotted driving toward you.. and in the same lane.
You get a call from Gramps saying Grammy is driving over to look for the trifocals she misplaced.
Signs of sudden frigid dips in temperature
You just got the water pipes replaced from the last hard freeze.
That kid you picked on in elementary school has just been promoted to head of collections at the electric company and you are one day late in paying your bill.
The neighbor’s kid just broke your window with a baseball.
The school furnace goes out.
The office AC gets stuck on air conditioning.
A nest of rattlesnakes have taken up residence in the log pile for your wood burning stove.
A federally protected bald eagle begins to build a nest on top of your chimney.
Your car decides it won't turn the engine at relatively the same time that evil ghost the real estate agent warned you about decides to make an appearance.
Your child’s school has scheduled a Beach Wear Day.
Al Gore gets naggy again about man-made warm climate.
You just had to throw out the heavy blankets you found in the closet because of mouse-infestation.
It’s night time and your wife is having the worst hot flashes in history.
Your St. Bernard is having hot flashes.
Your child crawls in beside you on the cozy waterbed, wearing her ice skates.
Your daughter decided to make a bed for the new puppies out of your winter coat.
The dryer has gone from eating socks to developing a taste for gloves and mittens.
You've lost your job when your company moved the plant to sunny Mexico when you hear the President and First Lady announce they are about to vacation in sunny Mexico.
Signs of impending savage blasts of arctic wind
You just changed over to solar heat paneling.
You have an ear infection.
You’re two steps away from exiting the hair salon.
You’ve just got your first outdoors bikini modeling gig.
You just replaced the guttering.
You just cleaned the guttering.
Your mail carrier is wearing shorts.
You notice Luke Skywalker riding by on a really hairy camel-like creature.
Your wife agrees to go out on the next “nice day” and let you photograph her washing the car dressed only in Daisy Duke shorts and baby oil.
Your father-in-law calls to say his wife has packed her belongings and headed to your house.
The President announces he’ll leave office when hell freezes over.
Mother-in-law shows up at your door with her horns covered in hoarfrost and carrying an “Obama 4-Ever” sign.
This Hub ©January 25, 2014 by Beth Perry