Interview with Bigfoot

I can see those incredulous looks on your faces and hear you saying, “No way. Bigfoot is simply a myth, he does not exist.” Am I right?

No surprise, because that is exactly what I thought until yesterday. But then something amazing happened. Well, let me tell you exactly what I am talking about.

I was at the Seminole Indian Casino deep in the heart of the Florida Everglades. The cigarette smoke was very heavy inside so I went outside to breathe some pure, fresh air and strolled around the area. The casino is surrounded by thousands of acres of uninhabited, thick mangroves and shrubbery, and if you walk too far you can easily become lost. Not to mention the alligators that lurk in the swamps nearby.

You will not believe what I found. Footprints! Not your ordinary, everyday, common footprints but huge footprints of someone that left a deep imprint in the soil.

I was so intent on following them that I soon became surrounded by brush and the casino was out of sight. I was not afraid since I had my cellphone with me but curiosity drove me to keep following those huge footprints.

Then I heard a deep, booming voice say, “Whatcha lookin’ for?”

To say I was startled would be an understatement. I jumped a foot – straight up! Realization slowly dawned. This could be the interview of a lifetime. So I composed myself and asked my unseen questioner, “Who are you? Come out into the open.”

Within the dense mangrove shrubs I could barely see someone who appeared to be a really tall, really large (?) person – covered with fur – with very large hands and extremely large feet.

me – Who are you? What is your name?

Unseen Questioner – They call me Bigfoot. Or Sasquatch. Or Yeti. Even the Abominable Snowman. Who are you?

me – I’m a scientific observer who enjoys interviewing unusual subjects. Would you be interested in being interviewed?

Bigfoot – No sweat. Whatcha want to know?

me – Everything. Were you born in this area?

Bigfoot – Oh, c’mon – do I look like an alligator? No, I come from way north of here.

me – What are you doing in Florida?

Bigfoot – Those winters up North are murder – I came down for the HEAT.

me – Why are you concealing yourself in those shrubs?

Bigfoot – I’m more accustomed to being outdoors out of sight in the night when the SUN has set.

me – I’m still a little in shock, you know, to learn that you exist.

Bigfoot – That’s probably because of all the bad press I get.

me – You read newspapers and watch television?

Bigfoot – Of course, whatcha think I am – a dumb GRIZZLIE or an uneducated TIMBERWOLF?

me – (hastily) No, no, of course not. Forgive me. I meant . . .

Bigfoot – I know what you meant, but I forgive you. It’s just that … the paparazzi can be so cruel.

me – Do you have a family, Bigfoot.

Bigfoot – My wife, HORNETS . . .

me – (incredulous) Your wife’s name is Hornets?

Bigfoot – Her mother wanted to call her Hortense but was dyslexic. Anyway, she stays home while I am on the road and cares for our two children, a boy and a girl. My son is a MAVERICK – not at all like me. He practices MAGIC all day – wants to be a WIZARD when he grows up.

me – And your daughter?

Bigfoot – She wants to be a professional dancer – JAZZ is her favorite mode of expression. Me – I am partial to the BULLet.

me – Ballet!

Bigfoot – Right!

me – Now that you can see I mean you no harm, would you stop hiding in the mangroves so I can take a photo?

Note: Today the NBA has a total of 30 teams separated into six sections — Atlantic, Pacific, Central, Southwest, Southeast and Northwest.

Atlanta Hawks, Boston Celtics, Charlotte Bobcats, Chicago Bulls, Cleveland Cavaliers, Dallas Mavericks, Denver Nuggets, Detroit Pistons, Golden State Warriors, Houston Rockets, Indiana Pacers, Los Angeles Clippers, Los Angeles Lakers, Memphis Grizzlies, Miami Heat, Milwaukee Bucks, Minnesota Timberwolves, New Jersey Nets, New Orleans Hornets, New York Knicks, Oklahoma City Thunder, Orlando Magic, Philadelphia Sixers, Phoenix Suns, Portland Blazers, Sacramento Kings, San Antonio Spurs, Toronto Raptors, Utah Jazz, Washington Wizards.

Bigfoot – On one condition.

me – Which is … ?

Bigfoot – I am a tremendous basketball fan. And I know how to dribble! Could you use your contacts to get me a tryout with one of the professional NBA (National Basketball Association) teams?

me – Are you good at the game?

Bigfoot – I’m very tall, I’m very fast, and no one can catch me.

me – Sounds like the perfect resume. I promise to see what I can do.

Bigfoot – (coming out of the mangroves into the open) Here I am.

me – OMG! OMG! You are the elusive Bigfoot! The evasive Yeti! The slippery Sasquatch. I cannot believe it. You are a legend!

Bigfoot – That’s me. I AM a legend! And I know I could become a WARRIOR of a basketball player if just given the opportunity.

me – I agree. And I should have realized where your interests lie after hearing you recite those eleven names of professional basketball teams.

First we need to get you a shave and a haircut … all over.

Then some new clothes from the Very Big and Very Tall store.

And have you sign a contract for me to represent you as your agent, and …

. . . then my telephone rang and woke me up!

© Copyright BJ Rakow, Ph.D. 2013. All rights reserved. Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So." Learn how to write a dynamic resume and cover letter, network effectively, interview confidently, and negotiate salary successfully. Includes a chapter for older workers.