Really, Bullying? That's Not Allowed!! Well, That's What They Say, But Not True!!
How can you tell if your child is being bullied?
A bullied child is often withdrawn, and very quiet. At parties, gatherings, or school events you may notice your child not participating, and standing off watching. I have noticed that my grandson had no friends to speak of. He didn't talk much at all to other children. But as he has gotten older he does try and talk to other children. When he was smaller he hardly ever carried a conversation, and had problems even trying to talk. He was very shy. I only really found out that he has been bullied this year when he started telling me about how the kids at school treated him. He was sad sometimes, and would tell me Nonna I have no friends at school, or anywhere.
When he first started at this school he would come home almost crying saying that no one would sit with him at lunch. I asked him where did the other children sit, and he would tell me at another table. He was sitting at a table all by himself. He said that when he tried to talk to the other children they would laugh at him and make fun of him. I was very irritated that the teacher would allow this. I went to the principle of the school, and explained to her she is very kind and sympathetic she has a son of her own. That day she went to the lunch room, and told Zech he could sit at a table with some children, and they were actually kind to him. But, then the students in his class started making fun of him, and told him he had to sit with them because they were supposed to sit with their own class.
What a turn around from making him to sit alone to telling him he has to sit with them. Wow, how is a child supposed to know what to do? So, needless to say he sits with his class now, and is doing fine. He has gotten 2 friends now. Sad, I think, but at least he seems to be happy. I feel more relaxed about him now.
Sometimes it just takes patience, but when a child is so withdrawn it takes more interaction sometimes with a specialist. Schools around here do offer counseling with more help with a doctor and therapist that come to the school. I went to the office, and asked them for this help and they gave me a phone number and information sheet. This can be a great help for a child to be able to actually talk to someone who understands.
We know that children are really cruel to each other, but is there a reason why. Do children not get proper training at home? Are they not taught manners? Do they have insecurities they are taking out on other children? Has other children treated them this way and they are taking it out on your child? Are they being abused at home, and that is how they deal with it by taking it out on other children?
Sometimes, someone needs to feel superior over another person. Analyzing why a bully likes to be a bully can really help them and who they bully. I will go over what a bully does to another person.
Does being bullied need to be accepted?
I'm sure you've even told your child that's just part of growing up. I have even gone to the principle for help. They can't watch everything, but the principle does try. There are signs all around the school "NO BULLY POLICY", but it still goes on everyday. I have even been guilty of saying: "Don't let it get to you" or "You just have to be tougher." Mainly just didn't know what else to say. We try to make excuses for the bully. Maybe that is why they get away with bullying because people make excuses for them.
We shouldn't allow something that can make a person so miserable be a part of growing up. And, it doesn't have to! We all have the right to feel safe in our lives and feel good about ourselves. I will give somethings here that can help us all to stop the bully in our child's life.
How you can tell bullying.
Let's start by looking at the different kinds of bullying:
When someone hits, kicks, pushes someone or threaten to do it means: Physical bullying. It can also include: stealing, ruining things that belong to someone else or even hiding things. If someone is made to do things he or she doesn't want to do is also physical bullying.
Next we come to name calling, teasing, or insulting. Things like these are Verbal Bullying.
Relationship bullying is a really tough one because this goes on all the time, and these people have such a hold on someone it is sad. My daughter has been in a couple of these relationships, and I had no idea. You have to look really hard to see this in some couples, but there are signs like: Refusing to talk to someone, Telling lies or rumors about someone, Making someone do things he or she doesn't want to do.
All these things have something in common. These are examples of ways one person can make another person feel hurt, afraid, or uncomfortable. These things are bullying when done to someone more than once, and usually over and over again for a long period of time.
When you make someone feel bad about himself or herself, you gain power over him or her, so this is why a child will bully another child. People like to feel they're better than another person, and power does this then that makes them feel really good about themselves. Power can also makes you stand out from the crowd. When someone wants to get attention from other kids, and even from adults standing out from the crowd allows this.
So, like I said in the beginning of this article why would someone need to hurt someone else in order to feel good about themselves or get attention? It could be from not getting attention from ones they love and need. Or, maybe they just feel inferior to others. It takes someone to find out why this person has the need to bully. Authorities in school really need to get in touch with the bully, and see what is going on with them. See if there is something that can make that bully feel better about himself or herself. I have seen programs where this was used, and the bully made drastic changes. Of course was a program or 2 or so, but I'm sure this can help a lot of bully's to stop being a bully.
Learning to cope.
Well, my grandson is doing really great most of the time. He has gained a good friend. A friend that shares his interests, Pokemon, they are really into this, and really enjoy sharing cards. He has learned to just not let things bother him. He doesn't bully anyone, and he will even take up for some of the younger children. Makes me really proud of him. But, the fact is that a lot of children can't learn how to push things to the side and just go on. Sometimes, these children grow up with major problems. Some even commit suicide, or as has happened in some schools mass shootings and killings have happened. Bullying really needs to be taken serious it is not just a phase in some people or some children.
Bully used to mean:
Did You Know:
Some five-hundred years ago bully meant: friend, family member, or sweetheart. Comes from the root of the word Dutch boel, meaning lover or brother. hmmmmm Like a lot of words in the English language over the years has gained another meaning. Sad I think.