Jesus Was an Astronaut

I believe Jesus was an astronaut and not the Son of God, unless God is an alien, a real living thing, on another planet.

Whether or not you believe in God and the Bible and the Gospels and all the stuff that goes with it, it is a widely documented fact that Jesus did exist.

He was indeed born 2000 years ago, through whether that is 1950 years or 2020 years is open to interpretation. The absence of documentation relating to his birth, like a birth certificate, leaves those details cloudy.

Remember what the bible says about his birth. The shepherds were tending their sheep, when abright star appeared in the east, followed by the three wise men. They were following this star, knowing it would lead to the place Jesus would be born.

What stars do you know that move in such a way in the night sky that they can be followed? Even man-made satellites that float in space orbit round the planet could not be followed, especially by 3 men on Earth on camels, assuming they were on camels and not on foot – that would be even more difficult.

It was a bright star. We all know that the brighter a star is, the closer it is to Earth. It must also have been pretty big – again size is relative. I am tempted to think it was a craft not more than 500’ off the ground.

There were no street lights in those days. Night darkness was absolute, except for the odd campfire, so a hovering spacecraft could easily be mistaken for a star.

Now I don’t know if Mary and Joseph were aliens too, or if just one or neither of them was.

But I do have difficulty understanding why Joseph accepted Mary’s pregnancy excuse that she was carrying the Son of God.

Can you imagine telling your man that and him believing it?

I haven’t read the Bible stories in a long time, but I do believe either Joseph, Mary or both, were told in a dream that she was carrying the son of God. And again they believed it.

I think they had too much waccy baccy or something myself.

Of course, it could be an alien method of communication of some sort; perhaps a form of hypnosis?

So, Jesus was born in a stable because there was no room at the inn.

It brings you back to wondering why the aliens didn’t just wheech baby Jesus up in their craft and take him away to their own planet?

Perhaps indeed, Mary was his mother but that his real father was an alien.

And Mary told him to GTF with his fancy ideas about taking the baby away to another planet, who knows? I don’t know much about aliens, but there aren’t many mothers who would let the father take her baby away.

So Jesus was born and survived King Herod’s slaughter of baby boys thanks to, was is Moses? (the bullrush’s story). Methinks there was a bit of divine intervention there. Perhaps the mother ship cloaked him or something.

He grew up and performed miracles. Well, he would do if he was an alien. Obviously aliens are much more advanced than us – they have probably worked out how to use all parts of a human brain among other things.

You do know that we only use a fraction of our brain’s capacity and scientists can’t figure out what the rest of the grey matter is for?

He turned water into wine; he cured disease including leprosy – they still can’t cure leprosy today, so that was no mean feat.

I’m sure regular Bible readers could quote a lot more miracles, but I doubt if that makes him the son of God. Surely that just makes him bloody clever – definitely from an advanced species.

Oh there was the story of the loaves and the fishes where he fed a cast of thousands with next to nothing. He should return to Biafra, he’d do some real good there with that trick.

He was treated pretty badly though by the people on Earth.

I mean they nailed him to a cross and hung him there until he died. Crucifixion is one of the worst deaths ever.

Then they took him down and sealed his body in a cave.

Well of course, his real family came and took him away to give him a proper burial. They must have been heartbroken which probably explains why nowadays they avoid Planet Earth like the plague!

But what did we do? We built a whole religion out of his life and death. We decided he went up to Heaven to be with God after his death, that he ‘rose again’.

No he didn’t. Well yes he did but not in the sense religionists think. His family took him away, yes, ‘up there’, towards ‘The Heavens’ which is of course, as we now know, space (the final frontier).