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Toxic friendships full of lies.

Updated on May 10, 2015


Over my life I've come to believe that sometimes people lie just for the sake of lying! Before I came to that conclusion I just didn't understand it at all.

But I have lived and learned that once someone lies to you, you can most likely expect it to happen again.

If you keep that person in your life, you're always going to be wondering if they're telling the truth or not. Chances are, you're going to find out not only will they lie again, they've lied to others about you! They're in a vicious cycle in their minds that just doesn't go away.

The habitual liar has lied to you repeatedly. You've never noticed that huge red flag waving in front of your face because you're the honest and nice person who doesn't have normal lying experiences every day as they do. You're the innocent one.

Here's a couple of other things that take place when you learn from a liar:

  • There's actually quite a lot to learn from a habitual liar.
    They've always lied. They lie to their family, their friends and anyone around them. They're usually people who'll steal, and manipulate from you at every given chance. They collect (in their minds) information about you to use at a later date. They will twist it to make you the bad guy, to make themselves look better.
  • You not only learn about their lying habits, but you learn about yourself. You learn to keep a lower profile around people. You learn you cannot be as trusting as you once were, you learn to spot a liar quicker and you see that red flag as if it hit you in the face! The good thing that comes out of it is that you learn not to allow toxic relationships of any kind in your life. You do this for your future and you do it for those around you that you love. To be a better person.

A liar is most likely a thief too. These are the master manipulators of our time, maybe I should say YOUR time. Maybe they didn't start out lying or manipulating, although a baby will learn manipulation tactics from the second of birth. First how to manipulate it's mothers time. From the first cry, the baby learns if it will gain the response it wants or needs. From there throughout it's early life, it has begun to learn the science of manipulation.

A parent will learn if they're going to jump at every cry or if they already know everything is ok with the baby what their response will be. If they know everything is ok, it's been fed, changed, given all the attention it should need. The softness of either parents voice for comfort just so the baby is comforted in knowing safety is within crying distance is all you owe that baby.

Once you begin picking up the baby and walking the floors or rocking in the chair until you realize you've gotten no sleep but the baby has slept comfortable in your arms all night then you've been a good parent but you've also taught this baby it's first manipulation of your time.

When you check on the baby, do all the things it needs, and put the baby back in their warm bed, then you teach your child that their needs have been met and it's time to go back to sleep, and let mommy or daddy get the rest they need so they can properly care for the child the next day without being tired or worn out from being up all night.

I made a major mistake by letting by crying baby sleep with me, only for us both to wake up soaking wet and needing full baths first thing and bedding changed all because my baby had learned to manipulate me into doing so. After all we think we're making them happy and are, but we're short changing both of ourselves in the long run of life. They make cribs and children's beds for a reason and we should use them so that we have more adults who don't go through life treating people badly.

Friends don't lie to each other, they make each other feel special and rather than lie, they say nothing. These are two girl who just never lied to me, manipulated me or used me. True friends!
Friends don't lie to each other, they make each other feel special and rather than lie, they say nothing. These are two girl who just never lied to me, manipulated me or used me. True friends! | Source

Are you gullible or the type of person who thinks you can change the liar? Don't be, once they learn manipulation, they cannot unlearn it!

I once believed, and took for granted that a so called friend would never lie to me. Until one day I caught her in a small "white lie." A lie is a lie, regardless of what name you put on it. At first I was a bit hurt when I caught the lie, then the second stage was trust. The trust was beginning to be lacking in the friendship. No longer could I depend on this person and while I tried to be forgiving I learned this person wasn't who I thought. I'd been manipulated and lied to for years when I thought I was their "best friend."
Actually I was the best friend to this other person, they just were never a real friend to me. It got to the point after that I really wanted to stop the friendship but not be harsh about it. I tried to back off hoping it would fade away. Well, dare to dream, as that is not how the lying toxic person thinks. They're not going to back off and forget you.

In fact this person actually used their children's online resources to spy on me. It came out by accident. The first person that lied to me caught me at one of the most vulnerable times of my life. It was easy for me to believe what I was told. I think, no I know the person knew that. But their ulterior motive was not only detrimental to their overall being it was detrimental to both of our lives. I finally just cut the cord and said I cannot continue this friendship. Of course it angered the person that they were caught, and it wasn't going to keep happening, and after that I literally had to hide my online presence.


Keep your eyes wide, your heart inside and not on your sleeve. It'll save either the pain and grief of either a love or a friend relationship. Why start it or even start either on the basis of deception?

If you are the deceiver then you should be forewarned you will indeed at some point be found out. You'll not get away with it forever.
After all you've hurt the person who believed you, and you've hurt yourself. Unless of course you're a person who is suffering (yes suffering) a narcissistic personality. If you don't know the term, it's someone who cares only about themselves. Those around you are nothing more than mere possessions. There's no true love or compassion. If that's the case no matter what you'll always truly be alone, regardless of how many people surround you. You live a sad and lonely life with minimal people who really see through you but not being narcissistic themselves some believe they can eventually change you. You hurt them the most.

Those who choose to move on are among the smart ones.

Narcissistic people are sad. They live in a life that revolves only around themselves. They'll say or do anything to make you believe they have feelings for others, even their children or spouse when in reality, they just want to make sure that part of their personality is in, and stays in check.

If you know one, you never know what you might have to live with later in the trail of their destruction! They will use you just as easy and with a smile that fools you and will indeed leave a trail that alters your life. If it were me, I wouldn't let them get any further and I'd use whatever means to keep them from me at all costs.

How long would you put up with someone who lies to you?

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Comment, questions, even advice welcomed

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  • Katharella profile imageAUTHOR


    4 years ago from Lost in America

    anonymous : Lying really hurts the person when they learn the truth.

    Say you don't think her outfit looks good on her, then say, "you look much prettier in the blue dress" rather than hurt her feelings that the red one makes her look like a bubble or something.

    There's just no excuses for lying.


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