Disillusionment is the luxury of middle age. You wake up one day and suddenly realise that most of life is a big fat lie. That they were guilt tripping you half the time, that people have used you for their own ends, that love is an overused and oft abused word, and that you have the power to start all over if that is the only way to set the record straight.
That the education system was mostly about teachers getting paid to pass the time of day trying to get you to pass exams, and not about equipping you to transform your environment for survival and maximising your human potential.
That even church administration is largely a power game involving would be dictators who just love to quote scriptures to further their empires. Truly holy men serve the people and stay out of office as long as possible. The most holy men avoid church leadership, but are usually co-opted onto committees that waste their time and sin their souls.
That we are all hypocrites wishing and praying for forgiveness yet so unwilling to forgive others.
That one of the most difficult things in the Christian religion is honest and loyal monogamy especially when tied to a modern liberated woman, or to a foolish and insensitive man. Yet I believe that spouses who pray together and are lovingly bonded have a little bit of heaven down here.
That you have wasted your early years because you were not wise enough to sit down with, and take advice, from the wise people in their middle years.
And if there is one lesson to learn from midlife disillusionment, it is this, stop taking yourself seriously, we are only here for a short time then we die. Enjoy the light, the blue sky, and the orange sunset. Enjoy the smile of family and the laughter of friends. Enjoy the labour of your hands and the love of your life. For soon we all must sleep in the dust to awake the call of the Creator.
You may die before you find your perfect niche, marry your true soul mate, paint the perfect picture, and build the majestic dream house.
Seek then to bloom in the garden of your circumstances. Serve well in your current niche; love your stubborn mate even if going through a divorce, for love is godly and beautiful; paint the picture that only your blood, sweat and tears can paint; and build the house that you can furnish with love and happy memories. For such is your calling, and such is your life right now. Love God and every living creature.
Don't try to hold on to either the happiness or the pain, for these too, like everything else, will pass away. Only the kingdom of the divine lasts forever. Seek it with all our heart and everything else will be added unto you.