ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

My Kid Is the Bully...What Do I Do?

Updated on December 22, 2017
Zombiesquirts profile image

Mamma Z is the Author and Illustrator of the Children's Book Series "Zombie Squirts." She is on a mission to eliminate bullying!

Your Kid Is The Bully...

Parent's Worst Realization....

As a parent, you take a special pride in your children, after all, they are your offspring. They are an extension of yourself in many ways, so anything they do or not do is a direct reflection of you as a parent in the eyes of society. When your kid is a model of perfection, it brings a prideful tear to your eye...

BUT... What happens when you get the news...

YOUR kid is the school bully.

**screeching halt** **record scratch** **crickets chirp**

This can be a difficult pill to swallow right away. But, NO NOT WORRY! This is something that you can easily address and give them the proper guidance on how to correct the behavior and show them why it's important that we make sure everyone is treated equally and respectfully.

First Thing: Your Kid Is NOT Evil

Common Misconception...

It is a common misconception that if a kid is a bully, that they may be "evil" or just mean at heart. This is not always the case! Some kids have a hard time expressing themselves, or feel as though they cannot be heard, so they take their aggression out in other ways.

Pull them aside and tell them they are OK!

A kid could be very upset about something at school and has not come forward with it, or maybe they feel singled out in some way. So, always make sure when you talk to them about this, not to make them feel even more singled out or afraid. You want to open the discussion of bullying with them where they feel safe and can open up about what is going on.

Schools Should Be A Bully-Free Zone

Get Involved With The School

This one may be tricky, because of guidelines that schools have in place. But, the best thing you can do is keep in constant communication with them. Things to look for include:

  • Behavioral changes
  • Other children's interactions with them
  • Positive/Negative attitude change

The good news is when it's caught early on and handled correctly, your kid can learn to change their ways of bullying and head on a new path. Kids are sponges and they soak in the environment around them. Keep it positive!

Let's Hear From You...

Do you believe that schools need to take more actions against bullying?

See results

Help Them To Understand

Do your children know the effects of bullying? When I ask this question, parents always say, "Yeah, they know. We have talked about it before!"

I'll stop most of them right there and clarify what I mean by the question. Just because you "told" them or "talked to them" about bullying, does not mean they fully UNDERSTAND what bullying is and why it can be harmful to other children. Because, if they DID fully understand it, they would not be doing it.

Tell them about the 4 types of bullying:

  • Physical
  • Emotional
  • Cyber
  • Social

Although we will not be getting into these 4 specifically here, it is important to talk to them about each one and the individual effects. There is a chance they did not understand that what they were doing was actually bullying. This could be a great opportunity to bring up bullying to them.

Just Because They Were Bullied, Doesn't Make It Right To Bully Others

Don't Allow Them To Play The Victim Card

Playing the victim is the easiest way out for bullies. It makes them feel that how they reacted in the situation was completely justified. It also communicates an opinion that they are not responsible for their actions.

Nip It In The Bud

Allowing victim-thinking to take hold in your kids will leave them open to a barrage of problems going forward in life. They’ll find it hard to change and grow. Kids who play the victim card get accustomed to that way of thinking and end up not living a well productive and beneficial lifestyle. Let them know that it is not okay to bully even if they themselves have suffered at the hands of bullies before.

Why Does Your Kid Bully?

Show Them That They Always Have A Choice

Bullying doesn’t happen because the victim encouraged it. The bullies need to know this! It is your duty and obligation as a parent to help them realize that the choice they made was wrong and ended up hurting the true victim.

Even in group and peer pressure scenarios, the choice is theirs to make. Tell them it is better to dissociate from such groups that make you do “bad things” to others than be part of it. That IS a choice they do have.

Parents Have Their Own Form Of Justice

Make Sure That The Punishment Fits The Crime

Sometimes your kid bullies out of habit and cannot help it. In those cases, the damage done needs to be reversed and they need to be punished for the bullying that they’ve done. This acts as a negative reinforcement and will help them let go of the behavior of bullying to adopt a better approach to dealing with problems.

For Example:

If you find that they write hurtful comments in a gaming forum, maybe the best way to deal with this is to take away their gaming privileges for the week. But make sure they understand WHY you did this. You aren't trying to be the "mean" parent...but a parent that wants to raise someone who is respectful and respected.

"Sorry" Might Not Be Enough

Teach Them How They Can Make It Better

Maybe the reason why your kid took the approach that most bullies do is that they do not fully understand the importance of empathy. Developing this trait is extremely important in our society.

Next time your kid bullies someone and you have a talk with them, tell them how they made the victim feel. This will encourage them to develop empathy for others. Sometimes a simple "sorry" may not be enough. You may have to take it a step further:

  • Write out an apology letter to the victim
  • Give the victim a peace offering gift

Let's Hear From You...

Is your kid the school bully?

See results

© 2017 Mamma Z

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)