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Negaholic People-Ugh, Avoid Them Like The Plague, Part I
PEOPLE Who Are Truly TOXIC To The Multillionth Degree
What MAKES People Negaholics?
Negaholics Believe That THINGS HAPPEN & Are POWERLESS Regarding THEM
Here Comes The Wet Blanket, Ugggghhhh!
There are people who cheer us on and encourage us to achieve the most in human potentials. They also enable us to embrace all that life has to offer. People who are positive are indeed psychological enhancers and elixirs. They are also joys to be around. In fact, people want to be around such people for their sunny influences.
However....yes, there is always a however, this article is not about such magnificent and upbeat people. Oh no, this article about the hellish people among us. You know what kind of people I am referring to. If these people were the weather, it would be constant cloudiness and downpours with no sunniness in sight for days, if not weeks.
These are the type of people who are quick to tell you that you can and cannot do. They also are extremely quick to inform you that since they find something difficult, you possibly cannot not do that, so why even bother to try. These are the people when you fail at a particular task, never to try again because once you fail, you will always fail!
Now, to the underlying reason why some people are negaholic. There are many people who grew up in such an environment. There are parents who can be aptly described as negaholic. They insist that life is a series of uphill trials which end only at death. They also portend that life is not a joyous affair but is a constant struggle.
They inculcate their children with the idea that everything is mere survival. In fact, these parents believe that is quite frivolous and immature to approach life in a joyous matter. They maintain that life is composed of duty, no more and no less. According to them, everyone does something because he/she is supposed to, not because he/she desires and/or wants to. This parent maintains that it is quite selfish and self-indulgent to do what one wants and enjoys doing.
From my childhood recollection, I recall a male relative instructing his daughter that the main purpose of school was to obtain good grades, attending an Ivy League college, and ultimately getting a secure, financially stable career. This father even told his daughter that in college, one should major only in subjects that would automatically guarantee a profitable livelihood such as technical and scientific subjects. However, the daughter's acumen was in art and writing which her father disdained.
The father maintained that no one made a living in the arts. He constantly downplayed his daughter's natural artistic talent, asserting that it was utter nonsense! This daughter even won awards for her art and dancing much to her father's chagrin. She related that one time, she showed her sketchings to her father who only laughed at her! Her mother was no better. She was a nurse who wanted her daughter to pursue a major in a scientific area. Even though this daughter was quite prodigious in her artistic and creative talents, she was never encouraged by her parents to pursue and develop her artistic talents. The daughter did this on her own!
When the daughter indicated that she intended to pursue dancing and art, her mother concurred with the father that she will never make a living in these areas. The mother asserted that she should have a regular job for her desires are only fantasy and totally unrealistic! Her mother was even more negative than the father. The mother always told her that it is a total waste of time to pursue a career in the arts and writing, adding that very few people do it! This mother even went as far to admonish her daughter not to take her artistic talents seriously and only consider them as a hobby and/or a diversion, adding strongly that she should choose a more "realistic" and "practical" career choice!
In addition to the aforementioned, these parents further informed this daughter that as a Black woman, she was not to aspire too much. They constantly inculcated her that since she was not Caucasian, she should be content with only a modest level of success. She was indoctrinated with the idea that there are "outside forces" that conspire against Blacks achieving more than a modicum of success. The daughter related that each time she discussed her dreams and aspirations with her parents, they told her to be more practical and not to be so grandiose regarding her aspirations.
There was another father who had a daughter whose grades were mostly As and Bs; however, she made a C in one subject. Because of the C grade, the father continuously and relentlessly informed his daughter that there was no future for her except to work in a kitchen. According to this father, his daughter was totally slow and unintelligent although teachers told him that the child had an IQ in the 130s. It is this father's contention that life and circumstances are unforgiving and there is no room for mistakes and failures. His philosophy was a person has only one chance in life to make his/her mark in life and if he/she fails, all bets are off so to speak.
Besides parents, there are teachers and other family members who are negaholics. They have quite a pessimistic viewpoint regarding life. Life to these people is something to be endured. Life is not a process of learning and growth but is seen as a predecessor to death. In essence, life is indeed equivalent to doing a prison sentence to these people.
Many negaholics see life as anything from lower purgatory to lower hell. There is seldom any positives in the lives of such people. These people are quite fearful of life. They approach life in a passive and fatalistic matter. Instead of participating and being proactive regarding life and circumstances, many negaholics feel that life is analogous to an out of control tidal wave endlessly sweeping them along.
The average negaholic contend that life is preordained by circumstances beyond their control. If things do not go their way, it is just in the cards. The concept of taking responsibility for their actions and strategizing to achieve goals is a total anathema to these people. These are the people who believe that success is a matter of preordained luck instead of planning and smart work.
If a person is successful, the negaholic portends that either he/she has fortuitous circumstances by looks, socioeconomic circumstances, great parents, excellent schools, and/or other related factors. The negaholic maintains that this successful person is one of the elect whereas he/she is not! They are of the opinion that since they are not the elect, there is little chance that they will be successful no matter how hard they try.
The negaholic has a claustrophobic view of life. They have such a bleak vision of life. They live quite a purgatorial life. They see everything as half empty instead of being half full. If a negaholic is fired from his/her job, he/she views this firing as a personal affront and believe that he/she is an utter failure. He/she contends because he/she is fired, he/she will never found another job again or a comparable job. There are some negaholics who become quite destructive when events go awry.
Negaholics do not have the ability to access a less than positive situation and to grow from it. They prefer to wallow in the situation and to indulge in a pity party. They maintain that they are the only people who have dire situations in life and since they have such situations, they are indeed unlucky. They refuse to acknowledge that they are responsible for their own destiny. They also do not realize that all of us fail and make mistakes from time to time and the stronger and more successful among us pick themselves up and grow and evolve from the experience.
Subconsciously, negaholics are masochistic people. They rather remain in their somewhat hellish comfort zone because of its perverse familiarity than to venture into a less comfortable but fulfilling outer zone. Making an excuse is the name of the game to many negaholics. They purport to "wanting" to do something but "cannot" because of age, race/color, gender, socioeconomic status, educational level, and/or any other conveniently available excuse.
Besides the masochistically fearful behavior of the negaholic, he/she is often envious of those who dare to live their dreams whether it is lifestyle, socioeconomic, and/or career. They love to dictate to others what they cannot do and/or achieve because subconsciously they want to achieve and do what the more successful person is doing but are quite fearful to undergo the quest for success and achievement. They have a tunnel vision when it comes to life and success.
The word impossible is a favorite word to the negaholic. Many negaholics often cannot and/or refuse to conceive of a world outside of their parochial purview. If they cannot conceive and/or know if it, it simply does not exist in their eyes. For example, if a person is in an environment where women do not become executives or assume leadership, high powered roles, the concept of a female relative and/or friend assuming such roles is totally inconceivable to him/her. He/she will tell the female relative and/or friend that women do not assume leadership roles, further explaining the "unforeseen" consequences (in his/her estimation) of such roles.
Whatever a thinking person wants to achieve and/or do, the negaholic will usually find a reason to dissuade the former from doing it. The reasons range from it being too impossible to achieve and not having the right credentials to being too old. The negaholic is very quick to offer suggestions albeit psychologically dehabilitating ones that could deter all but the strongest and most confident among us.
© 2012 Grace Marguerite Williams