Prisoner of Mind Philosophy: Paradoxical Thoughts & Angry EGO
These paradoxical thoughts gathered like a storm at the edge of my awareness. Revelations ravenously & continuously consumed me, so much so; I felt as though my ego would manifest in physical form, as a doppelganger, & come for my demise, for I have not met the desires of the ego. I am on the moral high ground, but this provides me with no catalyst for reaching these inexplicable & inexorable cravings.
Perhaps these thoughts, because of my extreme introspection, have transcended into numerous self-illusions & my mind is in a state of disillusionment regarding many of my ideas, desires & personal beliefs. Nevertheless, navigating the corridors of my mind is basically impossible, for I am not sagacious enough & cannot identify myself subjectively. I can only see myself objectively, but this creates an enigmatic paradox where I become unrecognizable; it appears that I am someone else.
External influences may have manifested unknown enemy forces inside my conscious. These forces have created a prison cell where my inhibitions are amplified. As a result, my ego becomes enraged & will not accept my captivity, nor will it accept my conservative, passive temperament that prevents my escape; which creates a massive paradox where my thoughts contradict my actions or non-actions (internal conflict).
As for the subconscious, it inevitably haunts my dreams & occasionally causes random feelings of either elation, despair, or some other emotion that was not felt the day before. Ironically, although the subconscious imagery & desires tantalize and torment my conscious; they may be the only conduit for understanding my "subjective self."
Unfortunately, a paradox exists; "the result of self-knowledge is the knowledge that there is no object of knowledge." Perhaps ignorance is bliss, but it is far too late to harbor that state of mind, for I see the world for what it is & not what it appears to be; at least in some aspects. . .