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Sharks Are Creepy...

Updated on December 11, 2012

Dear Sharks,

Why do you have to be so creepy? First of all, your skin is a cold, smooth, rubbery gray color…which coincidentally, is a good description of your personality; cold, smooth, gray and very monotone. I mean, you’re not at all like your neighbor, the dolphin. Yes, they have a similar skin tone, but they also have a quality you lack, personality. They are friendly, social and travel in groups, sounds like a good time to me. Dolphins are so social, they are happy to jump through hoops and do tricks for the simple payment of fish. You however, are loners. No jumping through hoops for you, you prefer to glide through the water, and stalk out your next meal. I understand we all have to eat, but your method seems particularly savage.

Speaking of eating, have you looked at your teeth lately? If you had a mirror, I am sure you would scare yourself. Rows upon rows of razor sharp teeth, designed to rip and tear at flesh like some sort of prehistoric serrated knife. Lose a tooth? No problem, that next tooth in behind is ready to go, and it won’t take long to replenish your stock, because you just grow them back, no matter how many you lose in the kill. No wonder you’re loners. It doesn’t help that you have a sketchy track record when it comes to humans either. Although, we are not a part of your regular diet, parts of us somehow end up in your digestive tract. Usually surfers, although I think they are asking for it, but I won’t get into that.

Enough about you, now let’s get to me. As a result of your personal attributes, I don’t swim in the ocean. Not that I have very many opportunities, but when I do, I decline. Something about being out of my element and completely defenseless. My previous snorkeling experiences have been hindered my overactive imagination, which usually recreates a scene the colorful school of fish I’m admiring suddenly scattering, and you rising from the deep too quickly to react, mouth open. Intimidating? You bet, you're a pro. It doesn’t take me long to get back to the boat. So let’s make a deal. I will stay on land, if you stay in the water. I will not venture into your environment as long as you stay out of mine, okay? Appreciate it.

Sincerely Yours,


Look at those teeth!



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