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Build Self Confidence and Add to Your Happiness

Updated on August 22, 2012

Confidence is the foundation stone of charisma

As a young man, the writer was almost painfully shy.  By his mid-thirties he was out speaking in front of audiences
As a young man, the writer was almost painfully shy. By his mid-thirties he was out speaking in front of audiences

Build Self Confidence and add to Your Happiness

Confidence Begets Charisma

It would be no exaggeration to state that most people have an inferiority complex as far as some aspect of their life is concerned. It could be a perceived shortage of confidence due to how we look, how we sound when we speak; our knowledge compared to what we think others possess, or whether or not we are, in our opinion, not as good at sport as our peers. Everyone, it seems, has some sort of problem which is detracting from the happiness they believe they’re entitled to. But read on, and maybe your confidence will grow a little.

Shortage of confidence?

In a book I recently co-authored, ‘Who Stole Your Happiness? and how you can reclaim rightful your ownership,’ I told of the an incident which convinced me that just about everyone has a problem, to greater of lesser extent, with the way they think they appear to others; a shortage of confidence. It happened many years ago when I attended an adult evening-college class which dealt with confidence, self-image and the like. In that class the students were asked to complete a survey which I will describe in brief below.

Self confidence increases with every challenge we successfully meet

The writer speaking to an after-dinner audience.  Over the past fifteen years he has been a guest speaker nearly 650 times, and around 36,000 people have heard him speaking during this time.
The writer speaking to an after-dinner audience. Over the past fifteen years he has been a guest speaker nearly 650 times, and around 36,000 people have heard him speaking during this time.

The answers to the teacher's questions stayed with me for life

“On your desks you will find a picture. It is the outline of a human being, as you can see. No, it is neither male or female. But I think you’ll agree with me it is the human form. Just the outline.

“ Now, I want you to assume this picture is actually you. Right? So now what I want you to do is to take a pen or pencil and shade in or mark those parts of your body you wish were better, or, in your opinion could be improved. Be honest now. There are no right and wrong ways to do this...”

Everyone in the class set to. Pens and pencils scratched away. Then, eventually, these noises ceased. That’s when the teacher asked a question, the answers to which have stayed in my mind all these years.

Losing yourself in the message; that's speaker self confidence

This is to do with your happiness, so remember, confidence begets charisma, - build self confidence!

“Who in the class did not make any alterations? Who in the class is already satisfied with the way you look?”

Not a hand went up. There was definitely a perceived shortage of confidence here

The teacher continued. “Well, I’m not surprised. I don’t think I’ve ever run a class where anybody failed to find something about their appearance they didn’t want improved.”

Everybody assumes there is something wrong with them

So there you have it. Everybody but everybody thinks they’re not perfect. Everyone assumes they have an imperfection of one kinds or another. They’re either too tall, or too short; too skinny or too fat. Their nose is too big. Their eyebrows too bushy. Their eyes too closely spaced. They don’t like their freckles. Their Adam’s apple bulges. The list goes on...feet too big. Hands unshapely, Baldness, too much facial hair. Not muscular enough. Head too small, or too big.

charisma is the interpretation of others, not what we think of ourselves

Most people don't give a damn how anyone else looks

The strange thing was that no one in the class had noticed any of these things in their classmates. All were deemed quite normal. No one stood out as particularly unusual in any way. I wonder why that was? Could it be that most people are so concerned with themselves they don’t really concern themselves with judging others- particularly relative strangers. Why then, do we punish ourselves by imagining that they do. Most people don’t give a damn about how we look!

Shortage of Confidence - Why do we burden ourselves with our - mostly imagined - shortcomings?

And this is only about our appearance! Can you imagine the additional burdens we place upon ourselves with our believed shortcomings: our qualities, our skills, our professions, our economic situation. Why do we insist always in comparing ourselves with those we think are cleverer than ourselves, or richer than ourselves, or more popular than ourselves? Why this shortage of confidence in our own situations?

Also, why do we compare apples with oranges? “ I can’t play soccer as good as...Beckham. I can’t play as good a rugby game as...” There will be things that you can do by far and away better than the average. There are bound to be. Everyone has their gifts and skills- everyone. Think on these. Dwell on these and delight in them.

We can only give what we've got, but we can build up what we can give. So love yourself and this is WHAT you will be able to give

Your confidence will grow, as will your charisma

Be confident in the things you’re already good at. Expand on these. Become an expert in our preferred field. Forget your shortcomings. Don’t let your beliefs in what you think society approves of make you feel inferior. Broaden your scope to take in ancillary areas pertaining to the abilities you already have. If you can write well, you can probably speak well. If you can do both, you can probably expand into writing books, short stories, poetry, and in speaking to groups of people. Your confidence will grow. It cannot fail to grow, as you push forward the boundaries of your present skills. Confidence begets happiness. So go for it. Find out what you’re good at. Get to love it. Love doing it. And you’ll laugh in memory of the time when you thought you were not as good as others.

I hope you enjoyed Build Self Confidence and Add to Your Happiness

Keeping smiling.



Submit a Comment

  • Tusitala Tom profile image

    Tom Ware 7 years ago from Sydney, Australia

    Thanks for the feedback, Lonnie, it's always good to know that people are actually reading our Hubs and gaining something from them.

  • profile image

    lonnie 7 years ago

    i enjoyed reading, in some way we forget the {what matters) and then we concentrate on things that doesnt with our busy lives, we get lost in negativity.

  • profile image

    Tom Ware 7 years ago

    Hi, Embee77.

    Thanks for the kinds remarks. I'm impressed with the 'self-unsteem' and ANTS. You seem to be right into this sort of thing.


  • embee77 profile image

    embee77 7 years ago

    This is so true, Tom. I just posted a hub on "self unsteem" and I agree with you that it's up to each person to take the lead in making themselves happy. What some people can't do, tho, is get past those automatic negative thoughts (ants). I had to work with a cognitive behavioral therapist to help me, but it worked and now I'm able to be my true self in all situations. Thank you for the encouragement. I enjoyed this.