Spiders: Why They Should Be Extinct

I'm sure most people have asked this question before. "Why would God create spiders? Who needs 'em anyway?" I most certaintly am asking that question right now, after coming face to face with a spider scuttling across my pillow. I've heard a couple worthwhile answers regarding the purpose of those dreaded creatures. There's the one citing the biblical story of King David who posed that very same question to God. It turned out that David ended up being saved by a spiders web concealing him when being pursued by King Sauls soldiers. But I mean come on, I respect that, however- couldn't something nicer protect him? Maybe a distracting flock of hummingbirds? Even a beehive would be better.

Then came the answer I received in all my science classes. Spiders are part of the food-chain, and without them, many other creepy crawleys would be creeping us out.

Now it would seem that both these answers say it all: spiders are created by God and therefore MUST have a purpose. And if you wanna be all scientifical, they are part of the eco-system. And if you don't care even one iota about science-then the image of all those other flies and insects being free to roam about is convincing enough. Gives me the shivers even.

Indeed, I do respect the answers given to me. However upon comparing the list of reasons why spiders should not be sent to extincintion with the list of why they most defenitley should (and fast!), I noticed that the latter was a much, much longer list:

1) spiders scuttle, and isn't that just nausea inducing?

2) they bite and sometimes are even fatal (gasp!)

3) the character of charlotte in "Charlotte's Web" was not thaaat important and could have been easily replaced by some other species of mammal. Plus, it would have been easier to read without all those gross spidery descriptions.

4) the most common phobia in the world is arachnophobia- fear of spiders (http://www.phobia-fear-release.com/statistics-on-the-most-frequent-phobias.html) and why should such a huge amount of people have to go through all that tension-building fear? I care about those people.

5) precious time is wasted searching for the spider upon first sighting them and then "losing" them which happens more often than not. Spiders are sneaky like that.

So basically, I believe that since there are more reasons why spiders are bad than good, the majority vote should win and spiders be banished. I hope you are reading this God.

I do not appreciate the fact that I had to switch beds, rearrange various furniture pieces, and feel spidery sensations all over my body- all just because a spider thought it was ok to crawl on my pillow. NOT OK. NEVER OK.

I know most of you are probably agreeing with me on the whole spider extinction thing since according to the statistics most of you are scared like me.But just in case I offended any spider lovers, I just wanted to say that you offend me too because loving spiders is just plain old offensive.

I would quote Charlotte as a lasting statement, but until they reprint a less scary version like "Charlotte's Cocoon" or "Charlotte's beehive" I will be unable to leave with you some imparting wisdom.

Except this: Never go to sleep later than the official spider killers of your household. It puts one in a terrible predicament when having to face that 8 legged freak with nothing but a good-for-nothing bottle of deodarant (it does not in fact act like Raid) and a frantic attitude...