- Education and Science
Stop that Fake Friendship Train from Stopping at Your Door
“It may...be judged indecent in me to come forward on this occasion; but when I see a fellow-creature about to perish through the cowardice of her pretended friends, I wish to be allowed to speak, that I may say what I know of her character.” Mary Shelley, Frankenstein
Do you find yourself surrounded by a bunch of fake friends with nobody to turn to in times of trouble? You might have unknowingly become a pit stop for fake friends. But, you can stop that fake friendship train from stopping at your door if you really want to free yourself.
Fake friends hurt no matter what the age. Friendship should involve mutual respect and support. When you find yourself giving more or caring more about a “friend” than he/she seems to give towards the friendship, you might be dealing with a fake friend.
Why are Some People so Fake?
Why do grown adults in their 40s and 50s go to such great lengths to keep up with fake friendships? I think it has to do with opportunity and motive.
All fake friendships tend to have similar characteristics, such as the following:
- You only hear from the person when they need something like a favor.
- They disappear during the bad times.
- Make every excuse in the book not to be there when you really need them to be.
- Drop you when something or someone better comes along.
There are motives and reasons why people are fake. These reasons have nothing to do with you as a person. You are just an opportunity.
Being Taken Advantage of is Not Friendship
If you find yourself surrounded by fake friends, you might be the type of person that allows others to take advantage of you. This experience is quite common and nothing to be ashamed of or a reason to make you feel down. It happens to me all the time because I work in the nonprofit world and people assume that because I may help them once that I am wiling to do it over and over. You just have to know how to set boundaries and stick to those boundaries.
The bottom-line is that people stay fake friends because they get something out of keeping you in their lives.
- Maybe you are willing to babysit their children, take care of their dog when they go out of town, or help them with a new job opportunity. Are they or would they do the same for you if you needed help?
- Maybe they want to keep you in the wings in case another friendship doesn’t work out. You are a backup for a time when someone else might cancel plans or fail to follow through on a commitment. Do you get calls at the last minute to get offered to do something or asked to drop everything at the last minute to assist with a project?
- It could also be a one-side relationship. Do you always do everything for someone who never comes through when you need them to help you in a jam like give you a ride to the airport, pick you up when your car breaks down or be there for you in a time of crisis.
You can turn the table on your fake friends. Here is how to do it:
- Learn how to say no when someone asks you a favor. If this person is a true friend, he/she will not end the friendship because you said no and understand that you have other plans and obligations.
- Distance yourself from your fake friends. Stop expecting them to be there for you when you need them. If time and time again they disappoint, please do yourself a favor and emotionally distance yourself from them and take the time to develop new, truer friendships.
- Stop doing just to get someone to like you. When someone is your true friend, he/she accepts you for who you are and not what you can provide. You don’t need to do special things or favors to get someone to be your friend. You shouldn’t have to give more than you receive in any relationship.
Be aware of fake friends who drain your time and energy and just hurt your feelings by disappointing you and not being as good of a friend as you are to them. Everyone wants friends and so sometimes it is hard to say goodbye to friendships that aren’t working. But, when you get rid of those who drain you, you might find you have time to develop some real, lasting friendships.
As always, I am happy and glad to be your friend here on Hubpages!