ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Virtual Mother

Updated on August 15, 2011

Virtual Mothers

Cling tenaciously to your real-life mother, but when the time comes to snip her figurative apron strings, be sure to have a Virtual Mother or three in reserve. Look online for alternative sources of motherly support. Bookmark the sites that could possibly provide you with what Mom used to give. You probably won’t feel the same warm fuzzies that Real Mom doled out, but anything is better than standing over the sink eating pork and beans from a can.

Look online for what Mom used to give you? Dare we hope to find warmth, support, affirmation, caring, and someone who cares if we stay out too late? Probably not. On the other hand, we should be able to surf around and find pizza delivery. Somewhere between caring hugs and melted cheese on bread we might find a little of what we grew up adoring and depending on.

Instead of feeling sorry for ourselves, let us start with a bedrock motherly staple that even the most basic model of Virtual Mom should provide; hot chocolate. AllRecipes.com offers a plethora of delicious recopies for duplicating the treats that Mom used to hand out as we trudged back from a long day of sledding. Be sure that the good folks at AllRecipes won’t flip your jacket right-side-out and shake the snow off your boots, but they do fill their niche very well.

Cold weather aside, our Virtual Mother must be counted on to get the laundry washed, dried, folded, and put away. The least we can do is throw it down the stairs to the basement, drop it in the hamper, or leave it on the front porch. Ideally we should be able to find an online service that is only too happy to drive by and pick up our stinky clothes. Consider throwing in with MyLaundryOnline.com. Their site includes a search feature that allows us to easily locate a local Virtual Mom with a truck and washing machine.

Kool-Aid anyone? It’s cheaper than soda pop and we could always count on Mom to have a pitcher in the works. After a long day of playing hard, nothing hit the spot like a slug of cherry Kool-aid and a chocolate chip cookie (we pause now for a wistful sigh). Visit KraftFoods.com to redeem your Kool-Aid points and download valuable coupons. Keep an eye out for Mr. Kool-Aid smashing through the backyard fence to deliver cups of sugary goodness to you and your childhood friends.

Along with food preparation and laundry skills, our Virtual Mother must possess a knack for making us feel good about ourselves. She’s there when everyone around us fails us. She knows just what to say when we are at our lowest point. Like a congressional candidate, she’s always willing to tell us exactly what we want to hear. Check out the virtual affirmation ball at VirtualAffirmation.com. Nothing says ‘happy’ like a big yellow smiley face that tells your fortune like a giant 8-ball. Since 1983, the Archie McPhee Company has been marketing products that will make you feel wonderful about yourself.

Don’t overlook the way that Real Mom used her nagging skills to keep you on the path to social acceptability. Sure, we all grew tired of being told to change our socks, button our coat, and put down that feral kitten. On the other hand, we all crave some level of discipline. We recommend VirtualTeen.biz for a dose of the honest straight-and-narrow. good stuff can be found here; advice for parents, teens, and those of us who aged but never grew up.

Much better than a Virtual Mother
Much better than a Virtual Mother

Since we never get enough motherly history, take time from your busy day to visit the Mother Jones Virtual Museum at MotherJonesMuseum.org. Ms. Jones emigrated from Ireland to the United States as a child. She made a name for herself as an ‘agitator’ (what Mom doesn’t?) who became a champion of organized labor and downtrodden segments of society. And you thought your Mom embarrassed you when she came to school dressed as a witch on Halloween...

Some photos may be courtesy of http://www.freedigitalphotos.net

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • nicomp profile image
      Author

      nicomp really 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      Don't forget to remember Mom on Mother's day!

    • RTalloni profile image

      RTalloni 8 years ago from the short journey

      Clever, yes, but you forgot to tell people to call their real moms!

    • Jane@CM profile image

      Jane@CM 8 years ago

      Great job on this hub, so creative and fun!

    • cjv123 profile image

      Carol 8 years ago from Michigan

      I echo J Rosewater's comments - your tongue-in-cheek style is so entertaining and hilarious in a subtle "sneaky" way. I sometimes have to re-read a sentence to receive the full impact. You make me think while at the same time - I'm being entertained! Well done!

    • nicomp profile image
      Author

      nicomp really 8 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @J Rosewater: Thnnkkhh!

    • J  Rosewater profile image

      J Rosewater 8 years ago from Australia

      Writing a hub with your tongue firmly in your cheek is one of your strengths, and it's not only entertaining to readers, it's instructional. Liked this.

    • nicomp profile image
      Author

      nicomp really 8 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @Tom Whitworth: thanks!

    • Tom Whitworth profile image

      Tom Whitworth 8 years ago from Moundsville, WV

      Good Hub, I really like the comparison to a congressional candidate:D

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is used to quickly and efficiently deliver files such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisements has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)