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Virtual Mother

Updated on August 15, 2011

Virtual Mothers

Cling tenaciously to your real-life mother, but when the time comes to snip her figurative apron strings, be sure to have a Virtual Mother or three in reserve. Look online for alternative sources of motherly support. Bookmark the sites that could possibly provide you with what Mom used to give. You probably won’t feel the same warm fuzzies that Real Mom doled out, but anything is better than standing over the sink eating pork and beans from a can.

Look online for what Mom used to give you? Dare we hope to find warmth, support, affirmation, caring, and someone who cares if we stay out too late? Probably not. On the other hand, we should be able to surf around and find pizza delivery. Somewhere between caring hugs and melted cheese on bread we might find a little of what we grew up adoring and depending on.

Instead of feeling sorry for ourselves, let us start with a bedrock motherly staple that even the most basic model of Virtual Mom should provide; hot chocolate. offers a plethora of delicious recopies for duplicating the treats that Mom used to hand out as we trudged back from a long day of sledding. Be sure that the good folks at AllRecipes won’t flip your jacket right-side-out and shake the snow off your boots, but they do fill their niche very well.

Cold weather aside, our Virtual Mother must be counted on to get the laundry washed, dried, folded, and put away. The least we can do is throw it down the stairs to the basement, drop it in the hamper, or leave it on the front porch. Ideally we should be able to find an online service that is only too happy to drive by and pick up our stinky clothes. Consider throwing in with Their site includes a search feature that allows us to easily locate a local Virtual Mom with a truck and washing machine.

Kool-Aid anyone? It’s cheaper than soda pop and we could always count on Mom to have a pitcher in the works. After a long day of playing hard, nothing hit the spot like a slug of cherry Kool-aid and a chocolate chip cookie (we pause now for a wistful sigh). Visit to redeem your Kool-Aid points and download valuable coupons. Keep an eye out for Mr. Kool-Aid smashing through the backyard fence to deliver cups of sugary goodness to you and your childhood friends.

Along with food preparation and laundry skills, our Virtual Mother must possess a knack for making us feel good about ourselves. She’s there when everyone around us fails us. She knows just what to say when we are at our lowest point. Like a congressional candidate, she’s always willing to tell us exactly what we want to hear. Check out the virtual affirmation ball at Nothing says ‘happy’ like a big yellow smiley face that tells your fortune like a giant 8-ball. Since 1983, the Archie McPhee Company has been marketing products that will make you feel wonderful about yourself.

Don’t overlook the way that Real Mom used her nagging skills to keep you on the path to social acceptability. Sure, we all grew tired of being told to change our socks, button our coat, and put down that feral kitten. On the other hand, we all crave some level of discipline. We recommend for a dose of the honest straight-and-narrow. good stuff can be found here; advice for parents, teens, and those of us who aged but never grew up.

Much better than a Virtual Mother
Much better than a Virtual Mother

Since we never get enough motherly history, take time from your busy day to visit the Mother Jones Virtual Museum at Ms. Jones emigrated from Ireland to the United States as a child. She made a name for herself as an ‘agitator’ (what Mom doesn’t?) who became a champion of organized labor and downtrodden segments of society. And you thought your Mom embarrassed you when she came to school dressed as a witch on Halloween...

Some photos may be courtesy of


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    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 6 years ago from Ohio, USA

      Don't forget to remember Mom on Mother's day!

    • RTalloni profile image

      RTalloni 7 years ago from the short journey

      Clever, yes, but you forgot to tell people to call their real moms!

    • Jane@CM profile image

      Jane@CM 8 years ago

      Great job on this hub, so creative and fun!

    • cjv123 profile image

      Carol 8 years ago from Michigan

      I echo J Rosewater's comments - your tongue-in-cheek style is so entertaining and hilarious in a subtle "sneaky" way. I sometimes have to re-read a sentence to receive the full impact. You make me think while at the same time - I'm being entertained! Well done!

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 8 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @J Rosewater: Thnnkkhh!

    • J  Rosewater profile image

      J Rosewater 8 years ago from Australia

      Writing a hub with your tongue firmly in your cheek is one of your strengths, and it's not only entertaining to readers, it's instructional. Liked this.

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 8 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @Tom Whitworth: thanks!

    • Tom Whitworth profile image

      Tom Whitworth 8 years ago from Moundsville, WV

      Good Hub, I really like the comparison to a congressional candidate:D