Walmart Shopping Etiquette 101

If you've read some of my other hubs, you will know I am all about teaching basic etiquette to everyone. Apparently, some people have not learned the basics in life, or they just choose to totally ignore basic etiquette. This is where I come in. Many people need help figuring out some basic shopping rules of etiquette. Someone recently requested I devote an entire hub to Walmart shopping. Since Walmart does seem to have its own special set of issues, I agree, a Walmart shopping etiquette hub is definitely necessary.

Since Walmart is pretty much known for super-low prices and crazy bargains, it seems like people have super-low standards and crazy attitudes at the store. Some people apparently just roll out of bed and go on wacky Walmart shopping sprees. You can see so many "unique" folks with their own sense of style. There is even an entire website devoted to Walmart shoppers called the People of Walmart. I highly recommend checking out the site if you need further proof of the special magic that is Walmart shopping. But for now, let's explore some ways that we, as a society, can make Walmart shopping a positive experience.

OK, I know it is only Walmart and not the prom or something, but can everyone at least agree to put on some clothes before going into Walmart? I am not too excited when I see a group of grown adults wearing pajama bottoms, or even worse, a one-piece pajama outfit at Walmart. What is wrong with this picture? Put some clothes on and then go shopping.

Furthermore, I don't want to see fuzzy slippers at Walmart anymore unless they are on the shelves for sale. I am tired of seeing people wearing slippers (and you know who you are!) and pacing down the aisles shopping. Please get dressed before going to Walmart.

I know you may not have seen Bertha for a long time and there she is standing there contemplating which Suave shampoo smells the best, but do not go crazy! Don't run over and A) start screaming and hugging her, or B) start yelling and throw her to the ground. I don't care if you love Bertha or hate Bertha, keep calm during this situation. Have a nice conversation with her or simply hide. I don't care. I just don't want to know about it.

If you opt to chat with Bertha, how about you and Bertha realize some people are still only shopping? Maybe someone else might like to get into the shampoo aisle. Don't stand in the middle of the aisle gabbing for an hour while others have to push around you. Don't start sharing all the drama of your life while the rest of us just want to sniff test the Suave, too.

While we are talking about drama, this is a fine time to mention limiting cell phone use during Walmart shopping adventures. I don't care if Lester is cheating on you or not. I also don't care if Tonya is about to get out of jail. Keep your voice down and move on with your life. If you need to have a very private conversation, take it outside. I mean, I know it is tough if you are in the medicine section and asking advice over the phone for that weird rash that just won't seem to go away, but at least you can keep your voice down. Please, no one wants to know the details!

Oh, I am sure you think your kids are really cute. However, they are not that adorable when parents are not watching them. If they are running all over the store and throwing items, they are not cute. They are a nuisance. I don't care what you have to do to calm down your little "angels" just as long as they stop yelling and throwing stuff. Children that are not getting enough attention are a pain at any store, but for some reason, they lose all control at Walmart. I think it is all the ultra-cheap junk food all over the store causing the issue. At least, that is my theory. Stop feeding Junior so many Gobstoppers and maybe he'll calm down.

When using shopping carts at Walmart, please keep in mind there are other shoppers. Just get a cart and go. Don't stand there testing each cart to make sure the wheels do not make noises. Don't start pulling out each cart one by one to make sure it doesn't veer in the wrong direction. It is a shopping cart that you will use for one hour out of your entire life. It does not need to be perfect.

While we are on the subject of shopping carts, please note there are other humans around you in Walmart. Do not slam shopping carts back into place and cause the whole row of carts to run into someone. That is quite rude and dangerous. Also, not run into anyone. The cart is not a weapon. When you run someone over with a shopping cart, you can hurt them. Furthermore, if you run someone over with a cart in Walmart, that person might just get up and hurt you. There are some folks you should simply not provoke at Walmart. Consider yourself warned!

I realize I touched on this subject earlier, but it is an important topic that must be covered. While shopping at Walmart, do not take up the entire aisle. Be careful to notice other shoppers that might need to get around you. Kindly get out of their way if you see you are blocking the aisle. If at all possible, do not take a large group of people with you to Walmart. Your group will be especially annoying for anyone trying to get around all of you. After all, Walmart does not need to be a day-long adventure. Some of use have other things to do. Just let us get to the bargain priced food so we can go!

You should also be mindful of people in general at Walmart. It isn't even just about not blocking an entire aisle. It is all about not blocking items in general. Even though it seems like no one wants to look at the spaghetti sauce until you are standing there debating between your "2 for 75 cents off" coupon for Ragu vs. your "3 for $1 off" coupon for Prego, make sure to get out the way when someone else comes along. Sure, you might be jealous because she is buying the Classico pasta sauce without even using a coupon, but that is no reason to block her. Be polite to others while shopping at Walmart!

I hope you've learned a lot about Walmart shopping etiquette. Just remember, shopping at Walmart can be plenty of fun. The prices cannot be beat. You might also meet some fascinating new people while at Walmart. You might see sights you've never seen before at other stores. Walmart can be totally awesome if you just mind your manners and follow some simple shopping etiquette.