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How to Truly Forgive

Updated on February 10, 2010

Forgiveness is Possible

I have not seen many hubs on Forgiveness. I'm sure it's because this is a tough subject. I'm going to try and attempt it.

I could'nt forgive for the longest time. I was eaten up inside and these "things" had power over me, in me and was controlling my life! I woke up with them everyday! I was so tired of this weight I was carrying. I had an injustice done to me and it clung to me for years.

I was not responsible for the injustice done, but I was responsible for allowing the emotional impact it was having on me. Once I came to an understanding of the person responsible for the injustice i was able to forgive them. I had to look deeper and realize I wasn't the cause, therefore I was no longer effected by it, therefore I was freed from the injustice. Praise God!!!

The Bible clearly states in 2 Corinthians 6:14 "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers, for what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? Now Verse 17 "Therefore come out from them and be seperate". Yoked means we are not to be coupled with as in marriage-bond together with sin. We are to not let their strongholds become ours. But take heed to yourselves that ye neither offend others nor be offended by others. For once we are in God's likeness we no longer comform to the ways of this world.

Being yoked together with an unbeliever is being tied to the sin in any form or fashion, whether by being a part of it by way of anger, revenge, hate, bitterness or resentment as a result of the sin. We are to be seperate from sin and hate sin, not our brother!!! We do NOT hate our brother or harbor any resentment toward him for if we do it is as if we did it to God. We are all members of one body, the body of Christ. Therefore do Not rejoice when your enemy fails.

In Luke 17:3 it states: "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him". Rebuke means "to correct" even if you need to say a sharp word. But be careful to edify (meaning instruct/improve) in your words. Edify in faith.

In Matthew 18:15 it states; " If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you, if he listens to you, you have won your brother over". And verse 16 on states; But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses...and if he refuses to listen, tell it to the church...and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector".

A pagan is one who worships false God's and false goods. An idolator, heathen, not a christian. In 1 Corinthians 10:20 it says "The sacrifices of pagans are offered to demons, not to God, and I do not want you to be participants with demons". So we are not to participate with a pagan. When you have done all you can do and someone remains a pagan then you are to leave and be no part of it.

We are never to sit back and gloat, that God will give them what they deserve? Absolutly NOT! This is the same as unforgiveness! We need to have compassion. We are to love our brothers and to pray for their restoration in Jesus Christ so that they may be restored. God loves them too. That is why Jesus said on the cross when he was crucified, God forgive them, for they know not what they do!

God clearly wants us "to be purified from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God" 2 Corinthians 7:1.

I guess God had his way of approaching these "things" I could'nt let go of. I knew it was going to take a miracle and that miracle came from God.

It took me a very long time to realize that I was the one who was suffering because I was the one who was taking on something that clearly didn't belong to me., I had to let it go. I had to let go of the hurt and bitterness it was causing me. I was the one who was stuck in unforgiveness and struggling with it all therefore dividing and seperating my relationship with God. Destroying all that was good. I gave something power over my life instead of giving it to God.

You see, forgiveness is not forgetting an injustice done. It is the understanding that allows us to set aside the emotional impact of that injustice pertaining to ourselves. When we no longer hold these emotions and have understanding for the person, we have forgiven them. We have come to an understanding that everyone, including ourselves needs time to grow and to learn, that we all need to be more gentle and understanding of where others are in "their" life. We have all been there, haven't we? No one is exactly where anyone else is in life. God will and is working in "all" our lives.

So how do we understand where others are in their life and be able to except it. I believe God in his master plan made it possible for us to relate to anothers experiance. Because their struggles may be similar to ours. Therefore they gain a better understanding by where they are in life by our unique testimony. This way others can relate to us because they are where we are. We all have a purpose and ALL things work together for the Glory of God.

So many struggle with thinking they are to forget the injustice. That they cannot be forgiven till they can forget. Not true! Forgetting is not possible. Our minds store everything. This is a fact we cannot change. Learning to except is something we can do.

I came to know, for a fact, that we cannot do it alone. I was doing it alone and that wasn't working. I left God out, therefore I suffered the consequences. Since I have chosen to let God in I am more at peace because i realize now that my focus needs to be on matter what!

I had heard someone say that "while our focus is on God, he will take care of our troubles". I didn't know how true that was until I experianced it for myself. Once I started putting my focus on God, he was taking care of my troubles. It was a miracle!

Unforgiveness is a divider, it causes division, not only between family and friends but between us and God. Forgiveness is the most unselfish thing we can do. In Matthew 6:14 and 15 clearly states, "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you. but if you do not forgive men their sins, your father will not forgive your sins".

I basically allowed something else to have control over my life and my happiness and peace of mind and in the end I was alone with me and unforgiveness. We were partners in a crime, a crime against God. You see unforgiveness is a violation of God's word. It is a destructive attitude. I wound up resenting the very ones I loved and life was meaningless.

I had to learn that you not only need to be forgiving of others but we also need to be forgiving of ourselves and realize that "no one" is perfect and we can't be perfected until we are perfected thru God. I found out the hard way because it took me forever to come to grips with it. I wasted precious time! But in the end God knew when I'd be ready to give it up and allow him to perfect me, to give me the spirit of forgiveness and to remember how many times has he forgiven me.


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    • profile image

      Tina 7 years ago

      This really helped me because its really hard 2 forgive "family" who continue 2 hurt u and they dont care that they do this hub really helped me because God told me i have 2 forgive but i was like how do i do that im tired of being hurt n the ppl who always hurt me never say sorry or try 2 change but they dont seem 2 care about my feeling but i release them n every hurt i refuse 2 let hurt n unforgiveness keep me bound i choose 2 walk in forgiveness and get closer 2 God so i can do the will of God there so much God bas for me n holding hurts and not forgiving just held me hostage it keep me from do the things God called me 2 do thanx again 4 this

    • DavePrice profile image

      DavePrice 7 years ago from Sugar Grove, Ill

      Forgiveness is a tough subject when it concerns the hurts of those we love the most. Its always good to remember that Jesus loves us most, if He canforgive us we can find a way to forgive those in ur lives. Thank you for wonderful words.

    • TimeHealsAll profile image

      TimeHealsAll 7 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      Your words ring true sherrylou57! We are to pray for their healing and not judge/come against them. For it is God who knows their heart and He will judge them accordingly...Blessings!

    • sherrylou57 profile image

      sherrylou57 7 years ago from Riverside

      we are suspose to forgive those who sins against you, now matter what they do! nice hub

    • profile image

      Graham Bretton 8 years ago

      Forgiveness is grossly overrated. When Jesus said "love your enemy" he perfected passive aggressiveness. Ouspensky has a nice analogy in his "Tertium Organum" about a man who cares for the cage of monkeys. He says that the monkeys may be able to imitate what the man does,like use tools, but the monkeys lack the understanding that the man has, and are likely to misuse the tools in his absence.

    • Lady Guinevere profile image

      Debra Allen 8 years ago from West By God

      The only option is to forgive the person whom did you wrong. Not because of what the Bible states but because you may be holding a grudge or feeling the victim that is your own doing. They may not even remember what they did to you but you are the one who is carrying it for the both of you. Releasing them releases you. The only one that is hurting you is you.

    • profile image

      AuthorLMS 8 years ago

      Great hub thanks, forgiveness is hard for me to accomplish as well. Thanks for sharing.

    • TimeHealsAll profile image

      TimeHealsAll 8 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      Thank you Vladimir for stopping by and giving your encouragement and acknowlegement . Blessings!!!

    • Vladimir Uhri profile image

      Vladimir Uhri 8 years ago from HubPages, FB

      Hello. Thank you for this great hub.

      I like this: Unforgiveness is a divider, not only between family and friends but between us and God. Forgiveness is the most unselfish thing we can do.

    • TimeHealsAll profile image

      TimeHealsAll 8 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      Forgiveness is probably the most important thing we need to do in our lives because it is the only way to love and God is love therefore we need to love and be of love.

    • tnderhrt23 profile image

      tnderhrt23 8 years ago

      Thank you, TimeHealsAll,for addressing this topic of forgiveness. I don't know who said, "To err is human, to forgive divine" but I truly believe that. Forgiveness is something I struggle with, and have for all my life, having come from a home riddled with alcoholism. Unforgivness is like a cancer, it grows and festers, crippling and killing the spirit. I have often thought that perhaps that is why God allowed that horrible shooting of those Amish children in their school house to occur...The victims' families' response was to pray for the shooter...I think God allowed this tragedy to show us a tangible example of forgiveness...I continue to seek God's Help and Healing and strive to be able to speak His Words from the heart..."Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."

    • TimeHealsAll profile image

      TimeHealsAll 8 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      Thank you peacenhim, you are an inspiration to me!!!

    • profile image

      peacenhim 8 years ago

      Very powerful message. Forgiveness is the greatest form of love, and the forgiveness of ourselves is even greater. To forgive and ask for forgiveness are the first steps in bridging the gap.....and it sounds like your gap is well bridged with strong cords of connection. May His wonderful peace and love always keep you connected.

    • profile image

      LUV U Forever 8 years ago

      When Jesus told the woman not to look back, what happened? She became a pillar of salt. That is "who WE are" when we live with "guilt, worry, fear, resentment, unforgiveness, and pride." We cannot move forward; we cannot go back; we stay "where we are" inaction, lack of faith, no action. "Lean not unto your own understanding." A house divided cannot stand." These are words from the greatest healer who walked the earth.

    • TimeHealsAll profile image

      TimeHealsAll 8 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      Paralyzed is the perfect word. Unable to move, come out of, separate from. Thank you for your comment!

    • lgolden1911 profile image

      lgolden1911 8 years ago

      What's the biggest reason people refuse to forgive anyway? I believe it's fear. Fear is paralyzing and puts God in a position as to where He can't do anything for you. "Without faith, it's impossible to please Him . . ." (Heb 11:6) -- consequently, we can also say without fear, it's impossible to displease Him.

    • TimeHealsAll profile image

      TimeHealsAll 8 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      Thank you for your nice comment Quill! and becoming my fan! Sometimes we get so wrapped up in things that we forget what is really important to "our" well being. Letting go can be the hardest thing to do for whatever reason, but sometimes it's the best thing to do. Blessings to you also

    • profile image

      "Quill" 8 years ago

      Unforgiveness will hold you captive and in bondage to those who have hurt you. So often we allow guilt to overpower God's blessing and forget that it is in Him and through Him that we can walk in freedom.

      Excellent hub and you have yet another new fan...

      Many Blessings

    • S Maxx Mahaffey profile image

      S Maxx Mahaffey 8 years ago from DC/NYC

      Thank you for sharing your beliefs on forgiveness. I share your thoughts about forgetting is not possible in order to forgive. I have a hub titled "To forgive is To Accept", in which I share my belief about forgiveness.

    • TimeHealsAll profile image

      TimeHealsAll 8 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      Than you Gicky, I believe we can and should be a testimony to God. How can we be witness's if we have not witnessed. There is no shame in how we came to know God. No one is alone in what they have experianced. We all can relate and share our victories.

    • Gicky Soriano profile image

      Gicky Soriano 8 years ago from California

      I admire your courage to enter us into the process of how you overcame unforgiveness. A very liberating and hope-filled hub. God bless your forgiving heart.

    • TimeHealsAll profile image

      TimeHealsAll 8 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      Thank you DeBorrah, there are so many things that can be planted within us and remain rooted. It's time we get the shovel and dig them out. Plant new seeds! Seeds of love and understanding. Blessings

    • DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

      DeBorrah K Ogans 8 years ago

      TimeHealsAll, Very good hub! Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. You no longer hold the injustice against the person. Nor do you allow it to take root and manifest it self into bitterness. There is much freedom in forgiveness Please see my hub on forgiveness. Thank you for sharing, Blessings

    • TimeHealsAll profile image

      TimeHealsAll 8 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      Thank you Brother, I have to reach down deep in my soul and ask the lord to guide me, show me. I would'nt be able to do it alone. Love you Brother!!!

    • no body profile image

      Robert E Smith 8 years ago from Rochester, New York

      You did a masterful job at describing forgiveness. It is not forgetting though sometimes without all the emotion we do. But it is put in a place where the memory does not hurt us anymore. In time in place of the hurt is concern and love for the very person that hurt you. Each hub gets better. God be praised for what He has done in your life. I love you. Bob.

    • TimeHealsAll profile image

      TimeHealsAll 8 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      Thank you Love my yorkies, The things we can't forget holds us in the past. Binds us up and sometimes keeps us from moving forward. If we could find a way to let the old self go and put on the new self we could be free from the past. Forgiving ourselves is realizing we are not perfect therefore we will make mistakes. If we could be more gentle with ourselves and place comfort where pain is we could nurture ouselves back to health. Also realizing that others may be in a more difficult situation helps us to forgive. God Bless you..

    • love my yorkies profile image

      love my yorkies 8 years ago from way out west

      great hub. It can be very hard to forgive someone for wronging you, but yes when you can, you will feel so much better. And forgiving yourself for something is usually the hardest thing of all, even when you know God has forgiven you and so has everyone else. and even when you can forgive yourself, sometimes it's hard to forget. thanks for sharing

    • TimeHealsAll profile image

      TimeHealsAll 8 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      Thank you UPStar, I believe we are all meant to be a testimony to God. There is always going to be someone who will relate and be comforted in knowing they are not alone. I don't mean to put on a pitty party, but to share their experainces and how God worked in their life. I think that would be awesome! God Bless you UPStar!

    • UPStar profile image

      UPStar 8 years ago

      I especially like how you said "is the understanding that allows us to set aside the emotional impact of that injustice pertaining to ourselves" That's really good. You make alot of good points, and it is so awesome how the Lord worked in your life!

    • Judah's Daughter profile image

      Judah's Daughter 8 years ago from Roseville, CA

      Sis, I am so encouraged! Forgiveness is only possible with God's help; with the grace He bestows in us. When we become more like Him, His nature takes over. We will be able to do things we could never do on our own. Nothing is impossible with God! I'm thankful that when He forgives us, He truly does cast our sin into the sea of forgetfulness, and casts them as far away from Him as the east is from the west. Unforgiveness is a heavy weight. We can't change others, but He can!! We can pray for them and know that God is able and willing to bring those who've sinned against us to healing as well...and we must stay out of His way! He is faithful! The Lord is good!!

    • TimeHealsAll profile image

      TimeHealsAll 8 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      Thank you creativeone for your comment, I will check out your daily word on forgiveness. I think a lot more stories should be shared so that we can all move towards forgiveness which brings us closer to God. Amen!

    • creativeone59 profile image

      benny Faye Douglass 8 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

      Thank you for a well written hub, I have a forgiveness hub in my daily words of encouragement, but really out all the little pit falls. thank so much for sharing. Blessing to you. creativeone59


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