- Education and Science
Teach Your Man How To Be Successful With You
Are Men "As Is" Merchandise?
I used to think we are, but that's just not true. While a woman can't expect a man to change aspects of his personality that make him who he is, she can expect a man who cares deeply for her to learn to think about and to do the things that make her happy and enhance their relationship.
What Do I have To Gain From Reading This Article?
I am not going to tell you how to get and keep a man in your life by teaching you what men really want from a relationship. I'll leave that task to the authors who have written thousands of books on that and other similar topics. This article is not about what men want. It's about what you want. I'll endeavor to help you see how an intelligent and assertive woman can teach a man to learn the things he needs to do to enhance his relationship with you.
Not All Of Your Concerns Require A Logical Response
Have you ever spoken with a man and found him trying to offer suggestions to solve your problem, yet you didn't really want any? I hope so, because this kind of thing happens all of the time. That's because men haven't necessarily been trained to understand when you want a solution and when you simply want someone to listen. For just a few moments, I'm going to give you a little insight into the male mind. When you present us with what we perceive as a problem, we believe it's our job to offer a solution. After all, if we truly care about you, we want to help you with your problems and make you happy. Now, you have two choices. You can continue to permit this well-meaning man to offer solutions when you don't want any or you can help him see another way to meet your needs. The first choice is unproductive since it discourages you from sharing your concerns with a man and sometimes results in arguments because the man feels you are rejecting his heartfelt attempts to solve your problems and to make you happy. Should you choose to help him see another way, he may learn to identify the times you wish him to listen rather than solve. Should he learn this, you'll have a man who knows how to meet your needs. Should he not, you'll either accept his shortcoming or move on.
When my wife presents me with what I initially perceive as a problem, I respond by offering a solution. When she rejects my solution, I offer another. In the past, this scenario would have gone on and on until I finally got frustrated and said a few things I would have been better off not saying. Today, I do things differently because she took the time to teach me that sometimes a woman simply wants a man to listen to her and to be emotionally supportive. After having a second solution rejected, I salivate like one of Pavlov's dogs and my inner voice tells me that I need to listen and be supportive. Ladies, maybe it's time to take the bull by the horns and teach your man what he needs to know to differentiate between problems that require solutions and those times when you simply want him to listen.
Say Nothing And You'll Get Nothing
Here's a scenario with which virtually every experienced woman can identify. A man picks a woman up in his car to take her somewhere. Because he wants to impress her, he drives like a maniac. That may make no sense to the woman, but it makes sense to the man. Go figure! After some time has gone by, the woman is thinking: "If I ever get out of this car, I'll never go anywhere again with this lunatic". Once again, she has choices. She can end her relationship with the man, she can avoid getting into a car with this guy, she can opt to drive each time they go somewhere, she can say nothing and permit this man to continue to make her uncomfortable in his vehicle, or she can help him to see another way to meet her needs and enhance their relationship. The last choice is the only productive one since all people are, to some degree, responsible for the manner in which they are treated. A psychologist once told me that the definition of insanity is to continue to do the same thing in the same way and to expect a different result. If a woman chooses to make no attempt to teach a man to treat her in the manner in which she wants to be treated, she will undoubtedly continue to be mistreated.
Now, how could the woman in the aforementioned scenario have politely and appropriately taught the man to act differently? When she first noticed that she was uncomfortable with his driving, she could have chosen to say something. She could well have explained that she was uncomfortable and would be more impressed with him if he would simply slow down and consider her comfort.
Teach Your Man And Make A Final Assessment
It's not relevant whether or not you have had a similar experience to the aforementioned one. What's important here is that you become proactive in your relationship with men by taking the time to educate the willing among them, so they can act differently in situations and show you that they understand and care about their relationship with you. Your teaching may succeed in some areas and be a dismal failure in others. Should your level of success be disappointing to you, prepare to accept this man as he is or recognize that you're beating a dead horse and it's time to dismount.