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When Given the Cold Shoulder

Updated on March 20, 2018
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Devika enjoys sharing her work with a friendly community. Writing is a big part of her life. Online work has improved her lifestyle.

Treat each with respect

The Cold Shoulder from a Friend

The Cold Shoulder feeling is weird and can Unexplained

I was confused when she chose to give me the cold shoulder.

I had experienced the Cold Shoulder in my past but that was from racist issues. I don't know why she behaved in such a manner.

The look in her eyes was scary to me.

I was not paranoid about her coldness toward me.

At first I had a good feeling to stop by but after a while sitting there I knew I should have not gone to her.

I have seen the coldness in her before and did not think much of it. I have experienced this kind of treatment from her for the second time and it got me thinking more about her behavior.

This individual invited me over to her place but did not chat as much to me as I had expected. Instead she looked in great concern at her mail. I sat there while she ignored my presence.

I did notice something as to the same type of behavior on my visit, prior to the recent visit.

I was given the cold shoulder and felt really confused about her nonsense behvaior. I can't put my finger on what I had done to have caused her to inflict that behavior toward me.

  • I sensed an odd feeling about her.

It was her invite to me that asked for me to come over to her place.

I did not feel like in the way of anything.

A month ago she invited me for supper and there were a few more guests that had arrived there before me. I entered as usual with a smile and greeted her pleasantly.

I did not get back a greeting from her or a smile. I could not believe that had actually happened.

  • I sat there all evening and wondered why?

  • I am now asking myself should pursue my friendship with this individual?

Her Silent treatment toward me started out of the blue. I have been nothing but friendly toward her since we have met. I get the feeling she is a bit insecure when around me.

  • I would like to confront her but not sure as yet.

I don't want to waste my energy on any issue with her.

Maybe, I should see less and less of her to make my life less-complicated.

She is a moody person, and is difficult to learn of. On rare occasions this woman is friendly and a sudden mood occurs for her to withdraw from me.

It is like I have to wait on her to change to a better mood to engage in conversations.

I don't think she knows the meaning of a good friendship.

It hurt me when I felt shut out for that short time of my visit to her. I felt like I was at fault but I know I am not at fault in any way.

To know why your friend or co-worker has given you the Colder Shoulder pay attention to your moments experienced.

Talk about it when alone together. Try discussing what had gone wrong or what you have said to have made them give you that Cold Shoulder or the Silent Treatment.

Don't take it to heart or personally think about the problem, if there is one.

Discuss the issue with the other person and make confrontation easy.

It hurts you and the other person and often the reasons are not clear or direct to you.

If they need space give them space to be alone and clear their minds.

Being shunned is painful to both parties.

Don't be too concerned if there is nothing to fix.

  • In my opinion:

If someone gives you the Cold Shoulder they are selfish and rude. I sat there and had tried to make conversations and she totally ignored me as if I did not exist.

When given the Cold Shoulder it can make you feel sorry for yourself.

I tried not to think that way.

I don't want to feel sorry for myself.

  • What happens to you when given the Cold Shoulder?

You lose connection with the other person and feel left out as I did in my case.

It is an upsetting moment if you did not get the catch of that ball thrown at you and the other person had caught it.

To be ignored by one person is disheartening and both can feel in the same way.

If you serve guests cold food that is the same as giving them the Cold Shoulder. They can eat the cold food or leave your home.

It is when you shun people away irrespective of the fact that you called them to your place or not.

It is a normality of being left out, or upset in these situations.

The brain instantly senses pain and disappointment.

I had a chill go through my body and had not felt in this way ever before. A moment that opened my mind to knowing more about such people around me.

Both the Silent Treatment and the Colder Shoulder can make you feel unwanted in a group or when alone with someone.

  • What is Ostracism?

I felt Ostracism when I visited my neighbor on her invitation. I felt alone and shunned as one can feel when in a group alone and ignored.

She must have a personal issue with me though I am not aware of such issues.

A strongly felt word is how Ostracism is described and some people just drift apart for no reasons.

Sometimes given the Cold Shoulder is a temporary act.

The individual was friendly on her terms and that I have seen in her. So, giving me the Cold Shoulder is temporary. (For now I am not sure of it).

My personal experiences with some individuals have allowed me to lose some friendships.

The Silent Treatment can be given on a permanent basis and that can be most unbelievable.

I recently read that a woman gave her husband the Silent treatment or the Cold Shoulder for many years of their marriage. Also, she did not speak to their son for a few weeks over a little argument.

Anybody can experience the Cold Shoulder including, close friends, and family.

To be powerful in one's daily life people use Ostracism to gain their authority like she has with her husband.

If one chooses the Silent Treatment plans can be made to discuss the problem later but when given the Cold Shoulder you are not always sure of what to do next.

Gossips can make one keep silent but to give others the cold shoulder for no wrong doing should not be.

The best would be to listen before getting any other thoughts in your head.

Be alert and watchful for their weird behaviors.

Don't make the person angry.

Stay calm in conversation and when in confrontation.

She has given me the Cold Shoulder for what only she knows but won't come out with it.

Her body language is doing the work that she can't do verbally.

She gave me the Cold Shoulder and had shut herself down emotionally. She avoided eye contact with me to avoid showing anger.

I see that she is not truly happy and has many issues to deal with, and does not know how to get on with her life normally.

I became the Cold Shoulder for her when her inner self got harsh.

I figure that she is living in denial from some bad experience.

  • Do you think I have assumed too much here?

Sometimes the Cold Shoulder is given unintentionally.

  • Is the cold Shoulder or Silent treatment part of Abuse?

The Cold Shoulder shows control over another person that is what it means for some people. They want to be powerful and have the attention of others.

When given the Silent Treatment one can be affected in an abusive way.

The Silent Treatment shows aggressiveness it is usually intended to hurt other people.

  • The lack of the important aspects of life such as:

Caring for one.

Respect is out the window.

Values are no longer part of one's life.

Low self-esteem is affected in many individuals.

Depression is another way most individuals are hurt by in Silent Treatment.

Emotionally the Silent treatment can hurt you horribly.

To me it means I no longer have a friendship with her. The Cold Shoulder given to me has made me her weirdness, psychologically.

I am not saying I am the most perfect person on this earth by nature I am really different to that of her.

A person who puts materialism before friendship is not a compassionate person. They have lost their true values.

Given the Cold Shoulder Treatment

When given the Cold Shoulder or Silent Treatment

What would you do if given the Cold Shoulder by a friend?

See results

The Silent Treatment Emotionally Abusive to you

© 2014 Devika Primić


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    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      vespawoolf, thank you for sharing your thoughts here I appreciate you stopping by.

    • vespawoolf profile image


      3 years ago from Peru, South America

      Sometimes, you never find out why someone gave you the cold shoulder. If someone has hard feelings, it would be much better to communicate and explain to the person why you´re upset. I´m sorry about your situation with this person, but I appreciate that you shared your experience to help others.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Harishprasad,'' This hub kept me absorbed till the last word.'' I was in disbelief to be treated that way but don't care about it anymore. I agree that such people don't deserve respect. Thank you for the vote up and shared. It has been a while since you wrote something new.

    • Harishprasad profile image

      Harish Mamgain 

      4 years ago from New Delhi , India

      The cold shoulder syndrome is such an interesting trait in some persons. I don't treat such persons with any respect whatsoever. I have experienced such behavior from a few guys and rather feeling humiliated myself, I took pity on them that they are still unpolished and unrefined. Whenever I happen to encounter such rude and uncouth persons, I just keep a distance from them to look it as a counter cold shoulder from me. I think counter cold shoulder in defense of an imminent cold shoulder is not a bad one. By the way, this hub is very interesting and is likely to generate some very curious and exciting comments from readers. This hub kept me absorbed till the last word. Voted up and shared.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      FlourishAnyway, ''It is certainly painful to be ignored, especially when you don't know what you have don't wrong.'' So true about this and you have shared your opinions so freely thank you.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image


      4 years ago from USA

      Many people have experienced this passive aggressive type of behavior. Thank you for sharing your feelings, experiences and how you dealt with it. It is certainly painful to be ignored, especially when you don't know what you have don't wrong.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      WriterJanis great to read a comment from you. It can be most bothering if you don't know why thank you.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hello Jodah, I have made up my mind to forget about her. i feel she is envious and don't know how to cope with my pleasant behavior. I so agree with you. Thank you for such a helpful comment.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      midget38 thank you and also true about ''bad timing.''

    • WriterJanis profile image


      4 years ago from California

      Oh I hate it when someone gives me the cold shoulder. It hasn't happened much, but when it has, it has really bothered me.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      4 years ago from Queensland Australia

      What is strange about this Devika is that she invited you to her house on two occasions an gave you the cold shoulder both times. Why would you invite someone over and then ignore them? Unless she was deliberately trying to humiliate you in front of others. I can understand once maybe if she had something unexpected happen to upset her, but with it happening twice I would have nothing more to do with her. Either confront her and ask her what her problem is or forget her altogether.

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 

      4 years ago from Singapore

      Sometimes, it's just bad timing and circumstances........they don't feel like talking, or are just being temperamental!

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi CrisSp, I am better of without her somehow she feels threatened by me. Thank you for stopping by

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Vellur I have experienced a cold shoulder but that was on different circumstances but still was a cold shoulder. This time I don't know what caused that to be. Thank you.

    • CrisSp profile image


      4 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Interesting topic but didn't you just perhaps misunderstood the other party? It happens all the time when we don't feel welcome in a group and when you honestly discuss it, the other party wasn't even aware of his/her actions.

      But then again in this particular case, it is weird that you were invited to her house and behave as such unless she's mentally challenged. I would also think and most likely withdraw friendship no matter what her intention is.

      Friendship requires sincerity and so to answer your question, What would you do if given the Cold Shoulder by a friend...I simply wouldn't give that person attention. I value my time and will not waste it on people who will only drag my energy down. You deserve better Dev.

      Thank you for sharing your experience.

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 

      4 years ago from Dubai

      Great hub about the cold shoulder experience. As you say someone giving you the cold shoulder is very rude and selfish. Cold shoulder is a chilly, uncomfortable experience that always has you wondering what went wrong.

      Your hubs are very valuable and thought provoking. Great write.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Shyron E Shenko,A true friend would NEVER give anyone a cold shoulder.'' thank you very much for commenting.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      jtrader ''She will keep on doing it.'' I made up my mind to stay away from this person thank you.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      I so agree with you rajan jolly.

      Thank you.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      HI Paula ''This smells of perhaps "ulterior motives," which are rarely of the positive kind.'' You are so right I ha discussed the situation with someone else and they had told me just that. I am so grateful to have you share your mind here. It really got me to see another side of this woman. She invited me to her place and was not friendly or did not make an attempt to say a word to me. I found that quite strange. Thank you so very much. Take care and have a lovely weekend.

    • fpherj48 profile image


      4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Devika.....My dear friend....there is a problem here, but please know that IT IS NOT YOU.

      The experiences you have described in detail, sound to me very much like a few explanations are possible.

      I would not rule out that this woman deals with a character or mood disorder. This would be something that she alone must deal with and to which you have no obligation.

      Another thought came to mind as I read your descriptions of her behavior toward you. No mentally and socially stable adult extends an invitation into there home....only to be disrespectful and rude to this guest or to ignore their presence. This smells of perhaps "ulterior motives," which are rarely of the positive kind.

      I would not waste a single moment of valuable time trying to "imagine" what this strange woman is up to.

      Devika, you do not need this person's friendship. As a polite, intelligent and socially gracious woman, you can attract the friendship of numerous individuals worth your time and attention. Luck & Blessings, Paula

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 

      4 years ago from Texas

      Hi Devika my friend. I would be cordial when around this person you are talking about. But I would stay as far away from her as possible.

      A true friend would NEVER give anyone a cold shoulder.

      It is her loss not yours. Just smile and walk away from her, do not let her callousness to hurt your feelings, and if she invites you again to her home, drop the invitation in the trash without a second thought as if it never came.


    • jtrader profile image


      4 years ago

      It is better for you to avoid this person. Unfortunately, there are people who think it's okay tot try to manipulate others this way. When they are family or you have to work with them, you just have to find ways around it. However, you are not obliged to her. Get her out of your life as soon as possible. She will keep on doing it.

    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 

      4 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      I believe someone who gives you the cold shoulder is not worthy of your friendship. Respect for the opposite person is the first human consideration.

      Great tips Devika.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi tobusiness so kind of you to stop by here. A cold shoulder as I have experienced leaves me no choice but to see less and less of her. I have no time to wait on her for when she is in the best of moods. Great thinking from you. Thank you and have a great weekend.

    • tobusiness profile image

      Jo Alexis-Hagues 

      4 years ago from Lincolnshire, U.K

      I once had a friend and colleague who gave me what I thought was a cold shoulder, not once, but on a few occasions. I subsequently took her aside to inquire about her unfriendly manner. The poor woman was flabbergasted. She was actually having problems with her hearing, she wasn't ignoring me, she simply did not hear me. If the action is unusual for that particular person, I would try to find out if they have a problem with me. On the other hand, if it's a genuine cold shoulder, there will be no second chance. Interesting as always.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hello D.A.L. it is so nice of you to stop by and share such wonderful words here. I coped with many obstacles or hurdles and come to a very strong level of my life. I appreciate the vote up, interesting and useful. Thank you kindly. My best wishes to you.

    • D.A.L. profile image


      4 years ago from Lancashire north west England

      Hi Devika, I have been given the cold shoulder now and again, but only ever once from any individual,because they get the the cold shoulder from me the next time I see them. These people are not worth your time or effort. The cold shoulder you received about racism is the worst kind,that must really have hurt you. from reading most of your work you seem to have dealt with it all so well,and this can only help others to do the same. Voted up interesting and useful. Have a nice weekend.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      AliciaC thank you very much for sharing your comment here.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      teaches12345 thank you for stopping by

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      RachaelOhalloran You certainly said it all with a direct emotion and I so agree with you. Thank you.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      MsDora Great words from you and I am so pleased to have read another comment from you. Thank you.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      MarleneB so glad you came by. Your words do mean lots to my thoughts. Thank you

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      ologsinquito thank you very much for commenting on my hubs.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      billybuc well said thank you.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      VioletteRose thank you and will have to keep my disatnce.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      always exploring I like that. ''It was her loss, not yours.'' It makes me feel good. thank you

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      goodnews11 nice to see you stop by here thank you

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 

      4 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      You've given some good advice for dealing with a cold shoulder, Devika. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 

      4 years ago

      I used to ponder over why a person gave me the cold shoulder. Now, I get to the root of it quickly through discussion. If it is a matter that cannot be fixed, I move on. Great advice!

    • RachaelOhalloran profile image

      Rachael O'Halloran 

      4 years ago from United States

      I used to let people's rudeness toward me bother me, but when I figured it out, as you did, that it was them and not me, it was easier to let it go. I choose to surround myself with people who care about me and I about them. If someone's cold shoulder towards me goes unexplained or un-atoned for, that person will not get the chance to do it again - next door neighbor or not.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 

      4 years ago from The Caribbean

      Devika, you're the survivor. Cold shoulder, silent treatment, ostracism; you've dealt with it all. We learn so much from you.

    • MarleneB profile image

      Marlene Bertrand 

      4 years ago from USA

      Oh, I've certainly had my fair share of cold shoulders. Mostly, I can't figure out why. Your tip about not taking it to heart is a good one because as I have discovered, a lot of times the cold shoulder has nothing to do with anything I have said or done. It's usually about something the other person is going through in their own life and now they are just using the cold shoulder as their way of defending their self against having to deal with it.

    • ologsinquito profile image


      4 years ago from USA

      Whomever she is, she is not worth any energy you'd expend on a relationship. People can be so strange sometimes.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I'm with you on this. People are only rude to me once...after that, an apology is necessary or they are gone from my life.

    • VioletteRose profile image


      4 years ago from Chicago

      It is always difficult when someone gives you a cold shoulder. And silent treatment can be the most difficult, especially if you are close to the person. I try to discuss the situation if I value the friendship, otherwise I just keep distance.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      It was her loss, not yours. Some people are rude, and perhaps she was jealous? Interesting read..

    • goodnews11 profile image


      4 years ago from CHENNAI

      nice post.. Voted up. Interesting..


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