Assertiveness Techniques! Learn and practise these techniques to stop others from manipuilating you!
The Bill of Assertive Human Rights!
- You have the right to say "NO" without feeling guilty.
- You have the right to have your self-respect even at the cost of hurting someone else.
- You have the right to make your own independent decisions as long as you are prepared to face their consequences.
- You have the right to make mistakes and be responsible for them.
- You have the right to ask a favour or request.
- You have the right to deny a request or favour.
- You have the right to change your mind.
- You have the right to not to answer any question.
- You have the right to offer no excuses, justification or apologies.
- You have the right to be only judge of your own behaviour.
- Just knowing about assertiveness is not going to help you.
- People are NOT going to change their manipulative behaviour just because you tell them - "I am assertive now."
- YOU have to change your non - assertive behaviour to stop others from manipulating you by learning and practising :
1) Asserting Negatively :
- Do not feel guilty, defensive, upset or threatened about making a mistake.
- Accept your mistake promptly : "You're right, I have made a mistake. I am sorry. I'll try not to do it again. I am prepared to rectify it."
- Paradoxically, those who cannot accept criticism easily can also not take a compliment graciously and without feeling anxious and awkward.
2) Broken Record:
Persistence is the foremost thing to learn in being assertive:
- Calmly keep saying the same sentence again and again. e.g. "No, I cannot do it." Or "I want to do it."
- Do not raise the voice and remain without anger or irritation.
- Do not offer any explaination, excuse, justification or reasoning for your "broken record" statement.
- It's your persistent broken record vs. his "NO" or his "demands."
- The message is - "I am not going to be put off - I can do this all day - no matter what things you say."
- However, set limits to your assertive behaviour with a judge, policeman or robber.
- The opponent's behaviour after the broken record can be -
@ He gives in, or
@ He is more assertive than you, or
@ He offers workable compromise.
3) Compromise ( Workable)
- E.g. "I'll not refund the money. But I'll give you another piece."
- Accept or offer workable compromise, if the last goal is not compromising your self respect.
- If self-respect is being hurt, then there must be No Compromise. (Very, very important)
4) Disclosure & Free Information :
- Receive simple clues by a person in a social situation as a free - information.
- Pick up free information and build up the conversation on it by offering voluntary self-Disclosure.E.g "Hello, I am Johny. I am from Austin. I am from IBM." (Free - information)
"Oh! IBM! My friend is working in quality circle." (Self-Disclosure)
- Gradually start accepting and disclosing your own negative aspects.
- This is one of the most potent methods to accept yourself as you are and to initiate and enjoy a social conversation.
5) Eye - to - Eye Contact :
- A confident body language is most important for any assertive talk.
- Eye - to - Eye contact is the first requirement of a confident body langauge.
- People will not take you seriously if there is an assertive talk along with a nervous body language.
6) Fogging :
- Learn to become like a fog:
- Appears solid, no visibility.
- However, things can go through.
- No hard surfaces for any rock to bounce back from.
- Not to deny any criticism.
- Not to get defensive.
- Not to counter - attack.
- Do not try to read motives behind other's critical statements. Just follow the statement on their face value and fog it. E.g. "I see you dressed again shabbily."
"That's right, I am dressed in my usual way."
7) Go further : and ask for detailed critical statements :
E.g. "What's more wrong about what you are criticizing ?"
- "What else is bad about...?"
- This shows you are not put off by criticism and you genuinely want to improve.