ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Assertiveness Techniques! Learn and practise these techniques to stop others from manipuilating you!

Updated on December 25, 2016

The Bill of Assertive Human Rights!

  • You have the right to say "NO" without feeling guilty.
  • You have the right to have your self-respect even at the cost of hurting someone else.
  • You have the right to make your own independent decisions as long as you are prepared to face their consequences.
  • You have the right to make mistakes and be responsible for them.
  • You have the right to ask a favour or request.
  • You have the right to deny a request or favour.
  • You have the right to change your mind.
  • You have the right to not to answer any question.
  • You have the right to offer no excuses, justification or apologies.
  • You have the right to be only judge of your own behaviour.


  • Just knowing about assertiveness is not going to help you.
  • People are NOT going to change their manipulative behaviour just because you tell them - "I am assertive now."
  • YOU have to change your non - assertive behaviour to stop others from manipulating you by learning and practising :

1) Asserting Negatively :

  • Do not feel guilty, defensive, upset or threatened about making a mistake.
  • Accept your mistake promptly : "You're right, I have made a mistake. I am sorry. I'll try not to do it again. I am prepared to rectify it."
  • Paradoxically, those who cannot accept criticism easily can also not take a compliment graciously and without feeling anxious and awkward.

2) Broken Record:

Persistence is the foremost thing to learn in being assertive:

  • Calmly keep saying the same sentence again and again. e.g. "No, I cannot do it." Or "I want to do it."
  • Do not raise the voice and remain without anger or irritation.
  • Do not offer any explaination, excuse, justification or reasoning for your "broken record" statement.
  • It's your persistent broken record vs. his "NO" or his "demands."
  • The message is - "I am not going to be put off - I can do this all day - no matter what things you say."
  • However, set limits to your assertive behaviour with a judge, policeman or robber.
  • The opponent's behaviour after the broken record can be -

@ He gives in, or

@ He is more assertive than you, or

@ He offers workable compromise.

3) Compromise ( Workable)

  • E.g. "I'll not refund the money. But I'll give you another piece."
  • Accept or offer workable compromise, if the last goal is not compromising your self respect.
  • If self-respect is being hurt, then there must be No Compromise. (Very, very important)

4) Disclosure & Free Information :

  • Receive simple clues by a person in a social situation as a free - information.
  • Pick up free information and build up the conversation on it by offering voluntary self-Disclosure.E.g "Hello, I am Johny. I am from Austin. I am from IBM." (Free - information)

"Oh! IBM! My friend is working in quality circle." (Self-Disclosure)

  • Gradually start accepting and disclosing your own negative aspects.
  • This is one of the most potent methods to accept yourself as you are and to initiate and enjoy a social conversation.

5) Eye - to - Eye Contact :

  • A confident body language is most important for any assertive talk.
  • Eye - to - Eye contact is the first requirement of a confident body langauge.
  • People will not take you seriously if there is an assertive talk along with a nervous body language.

6) Fogging :

  • Learn to become like a fog:
  • Appears solid, no visibility.
  • However, things can go through.
  • No hard surfaces for any rock to bounce back from.
  • Not to deny any criticism.
  • Not to get defensive.
  • Not to counter - attack.
  • Do not try to read motives behind other's critical statements. Just follow the statement on their face value and fog it. E.g. "I see you dressed again shabbily."

"That's right, I am dressed in my usual way."

7) Go further : and ask for detailed critical statements :

E.g. "What's more wrong about what you are criticizing ?"

  • "What else is bad about...?"
  • This shows you are not put off by criticism and you genuinely want to improve.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Cleanclover profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Piece of land!

      Thank you :)

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      Good we all should learn this

    • Cleanclover profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Piece of land!

      Thank you Nicky. Nah i am not a guru. I am learning myself. Hopefully i can help others with my knowledge and experience too.

      Glad you liked the hub. Thank you again :-)

    • Nicky Bantham profile image


      8 years ago

      I think you are the 'guru' we are all in need of and definitely hubpages next deepak chopra:) I hope you continue to influence, with clarity as you do. Thank you for sharing your research and knowledge on this subject.

    • Cleanclover profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from Piece of land!

      Thank you all

    • profile image

      Steve M Nash 

      9 years ago

      You're welcome! :-) And just to say that my site has been linking to this page for some time... :-)

    • Cleanclover profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Piece of land!

      Thank you steve nash for the wonderful comments

    • profile image

      Steve M Nash 

      10 years ago

      Not sure I understand everything above - e.g. how to put it into practice - but it's an interesting discussion of assertiveness techniques and so I shall add a link to this page on my site (coming soon). Cheers, Steve


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)