- Education and Science
How Your Shyness is Killing The World
Yes, that very shyness of yours is affecting the world. Oh! You think it’s just a personal thing, right?! Not at all!
In fact, it is killing the world and the truth is that it is now or never for you stops that dishonorable thing or it will stop you forever!
Many people are shy, no doubts. Shyness could be good in a way, that is. In fact, in many African societies and culture, shyness or diffidence is even encouraged as it marks a sign of proper home upbringing in a child, respect for elders and to some extent it shows pure virginity or naivety in issues relating to sex.
But don’t be fooled. Shyness is bad, bad, I mean very bad. The most annoying thing about this social problem is that it perpetuates itself so easily thus making it so hard a bad habit to give up once formed.
Shyness usually starts in childhood but when I think it really becomes a problem is when it follows the individual into adulthood. If you come across any obviously shy adult, then you will understand this point.
Shyness has caused a lot of problems for many people who are supposed to be “free” citizens of the earth to become a prisoner in their own bodies entrapped between the disturbing world of always feeling insecure and the abominable world of constant reminder of inferiority complex.
So in my own view, the more these citizens recognize that they have got a very big problem in their hands, the more ready they will get for the big fight to come.
A Personal Story
I used to be very shy. It was so bad that I couldn’t even look anybody in the face. Some people made so much fun of me because of this condition. I hated them but I couldn’t stop them with their taunts because I was overwhelmed by this devil.
I remember some people saying that I will overgrow it but as time went on the chances of that happening continued to dangerously dim and dip. And what about the girls? Please don’t go there!
Then something happened!
Somehow, I discovered that shyness was bliss. Let the whole world burn to ashes and leave me in my small world. I could care less! I preferred staying alone, withdrawn into that safe and comfortable small space of mine where I am always by myself with no fear of criticism or even taunts from any of these detestable humans.
Like they say, birds of the same feathers, I was so fortunately unfortunate to come across only those fellows who had similar disposition. Combined, we saw more and more reasons why we need not bother to fight it and change because it was after all not “my thing” alone unlike what we individually thought hitherto. It was quite comforting. The false “euphoria” continued through college and after.
Then came the turning point!
It happened at a job interview. We have been prepared and warned about what to expect on occasions like that but my own fight was double because if anything, I wished that day will never come. It was that bad!
At the interview, the problem multiplied itself when I discovered that the interviewer just happened to be a very bright, young and charming lady. She tried to make the whole interview something more lively, more like a normal healthy, flowing and amusing conversation but where was I?
I couldn’t look her in the face. She tried to bring up issues like sports, news and current affairs where she imagined I would be at least free to discuss but that too didn’t work. The whole thing was very disappointing to both of us. It was nothing to write home about. Please don’t ask me about the outcome of that particular interview!
I knew it was coming! I came back defeated and empty even though deep inside me, I knew I was going to loose the battle even before the first shot was fired. The worst part was that I resolved that I would never attend another job interview and my master i.e. Mr. Shyness the monster, easily and wholly accepted that very request.
Then I decided to bring myself up to look through the veil and perceive the big picture.
How to talk to Anyone
Saying Goodbye to that Shyness
The Big Picture
The big picture looked very dismal. I was between and betwixt. How can a man become an island on himself when we were made to exist in social circles? No, I knew it was not supposed to be like that.
How reclusive can one sentence himself to? In midst of people having great fun, I saw it was always very difficult for me to share in their bustling energy because I was always conscious of myself.
How many more job interviews and social gatherings will there be before I finally die? Lord knows. Wait! Did I say shyness was bliss? The big picture looked very dismal indeed…
So buoyed with the fearful and disappointing thoughts about what is yet to come coupled with the shattering end result of what will most likely happen if I didn’t do anything at the moment, I started making conscious effort to remove all shyness from my system.
I can’t say the process to achieve this was by any means that easy but then it wasn’t that hard either. It was at this level of consciousness that I discovered one very important fact: many people you come across in your daily business of life are in fact very shy.
I also discovered that many outspoken people too are actually shy but then these people have mastered the art of masking their shyness so well to the extent that their confidence rules. It was like an open secret to me.
So I decided to emulate such examples and the good news is that it is working perfectly!
Why you should do likewise
The reason why shyness is hard to overcome could be traced to the fact that most people don’t even recognize what a big problem it is. Some do but yet fail to admit it is a problem.
It could also be because many shy people think it is solely a personal problem that will fade away one day but does it? Now in case you are thinking like that, I have to bring to your knowledge the terrible harm you may be doing to yourself already and to the world at large.
First, shyness robs the world of her geniuses. Just think about the great number of scientists with their stunning scientific breakthroughs, the number of movie stars and musicians, artists, soldiers, writers, bankers, doctors, teachers, parents, motivational speakers, priests, journalists and most especially politicians and world leaders who would remain eternally unsung if they have chosen(or forced) to remain silent as a result of diffidence?
The world thrives and moves on mainly by the good deeds of these people but assuming they allowed their shyness to completely take over, where would that leave us all? What do you think would have happened if such people were so much afraid of being (publicly) criticized? Goodness me!
Secondly, shyness breeds many unwholesome behaviors in people. Shyness could easily lead to alcohol and drug abuses, wanton escapism, criminal tendency, hate crimes, cultism and even terrorism.
The reason for this is simple. One may tend to escape into a world of bliss where there is no criticism, no danger or stress from the always prying people around him.
Such behavior clearly expresses itself in inferiority complex which is a feeling of general inadequacy caused by actual or supposed inferiority and is marked by aggressive behavior or withdrawal. Just imagine a world full of rapists, criminals, drug abusers and suchlike…
Shyness impedes true happiness. You are only “happy” as a shy fellow when you are in the midst of shy people like you or when you happen to be amongst familiar people or situations.
But we know that such situations cannot and will not always be there! Happiness that comes only when a certain condition is met or under some “favorable” situations is not guaranteed.
Needless to say that an unhappy person can NEVER achieve much in life. You will always be ready to blame others for your misfortune(s) in life (even though deep down you know where the problem is partly or wholly coming from: You!).
You will always be a shadow of yourself, always judging yourself by thinking that others are always judging you. Cowardice replaces creativity.
You may even end up hating the progress of other people because they are doing what you will have wished and loved to do but cannot do because you are engulfed and entrapped by the Shyness devil.
That is exactly the ingredients needed by criminals, terrorists and other persona non gratae to sow an unfathomable seed of hate in you and use you to their selfish advantage. Is that what you want for this beautiful world?
So my friend, get up and get out fast from that abominable place where shyness rules. The world is ready. The people are ready to move forward and they are not that interested and ready to wait for you Mr. Shy Guy.
I understand shyness could be as a result of one not receiving the much needed pat on the back at the right time. I know it could also be a means of avoiding certain acidic criticism.
And some people are too good in dishing that out! But the truth is that no matter what you do, criticisms are bound to occur because people will always talk. So somehow there’s really no clear escape route for you!
So listen. Time to start acting is now because the party has already begun and it is in full force. Everything is almost in place. But there is a problem. Shy people are not allowed in and we are still short of one important person and that person is you the shy person!