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Male, Female and Libido – An Oblique View
Take any trigger. The reactions from men and women will be greatly different, both in the nature of response and in the severity expressed. And this is what, I think, leads to a large number of cases of sexual misdemeanor among men. Men however, tries to put the blame on the lack of chastity among women, both actual, and implied in things like attire. Women on their account, finds the unruly and inconsiderate behavior of men, as the lone cause. Obviously the difference between the male and female physique and how they conduct themselves, should be the prime suspects. An inquiry into this aspect of the male female imbroglio, which has been overlooked so far, leads to interesting results.
I shall begin with a short introduction to the state of the art, as far as sex and the genders go.
How we Feel
A man’s sex drive is mainly in his head. Two areas of the brain, the cerebral cortex and limbic system, are vital to a man’s sex drive and performance, many scientific studies on this topic say. They’re very important, and the fact is that as far as man is concerned, simply thinking or dreaming about a sexual experience is enough to empower him for a blissful completion. Researchers are finding new evidences of arousal of men caused by imagery and related stimuli, whereas such objects make only marginal changes in women’s sexual attitude, if at all they do.
Men = greater Libido?
Also, many of the statistics and reports show that men tend to have the higher libido. I believe that part of the problem with a lot of the studies (like Johnson & Johnsons) is in the "social stigma's" that have been existing in the past centuries. Even though women nowadays feel more liberated and find it more "appropriate" to express their sexual desires/drives, not much has changed in this regard. The old double-standard stands in a lot of instances, as though possessing some safety cover against natural decay. For example, one of the most barbaric of all anti female rituals, FGM, is freely practiced even now, in many parts of the world. (I happen to read a supporting letter or article written by a woman, stating how liberating, FGM was for her and how comfortable, it made her feel.)
From our medical knowledge, we identify this difference in libido with women’s hormonal balances. Women tend to have extreme highs and lows in estrogen, progesterone, FSH (follicle-stimulating hormone), LH (luteinizing hormone) because of menstruation, whereas men’s Testosterone, Estradiol, SHBG (Sex Hormone Binding Globulin), PSA (Prostate Specific Antigen), etc. tend to remain fairly constant across the board until midlife. Hence, men also actually have a cycle similar to the women’s monthly cycle (though not as extreme) and they also go through "andropause", the equivalent of menopause, however, this takes the form of a lifetime cycle.
Functionally, it is generally accepted that libido in both sexes is equally strong. Men tend to 'show off' this sexual aggressiveness, while women tend to keep a more tongue in cheek libido. Women may be more conservative, and, pickier. It is thus accepted that most women talk about relationships, while most men talk about sex in general. But there are women who would appear this way as well--overly aggressive. On the whole, it is normal for men to be more aggressive; women will be, but only selectively. And that is why sex-drive is more evident in men.
I think we are way off the mark. From what can be learned by observing other forms of life (described in my book, The Unsure Male), not only that there is no aspect of life and living, where females show a capability less than that of males, but also there are instances after instances, where females show a discernible upper hand, when compared with males.
A likely Answer?
If that’s so, how come in the matters concerning sex, human males are being widely attributed with a more aggressive and imposing role, a remarkable deviation from other forms of life? In search of an answer, I started observing the male lifestyle closely, especially those aspects that are unique for males. The answer I found, happen to be quite an intuitive one too. Our bodies are so constituted as to put the benefits of multitasking to full use. We use each and every part of our physique for more than one function. For example, the same organ is used for speaking and for tasting, and so for smiling and for biting, or so for looking and for crying.
As an unintended consequence of this, so far as man is concerned, whenever he does relieve himself, especially when the male anatomy requires him to be in physical contact with the necessary implement throughout the act, the possibility of him being strongly reminded of the other ‘task’ of this implement, exists. This repeats many a time in a day, that too in an ambience of comparative seclusion and privacy. The stage is set for arousing images to appear with exciting thoughts. As there is no evidence to suggest that the male sex is gifted with any additional share of willpower to counter this, a rather violent and excited disposition could be the result. Those inclined to meaningful vocations of life, like arts, crafts, science, or philosophy, generally vent this as increased productivity (This we reward as long as it is on matters other than sex, while reproaching heavily, if it happens to be connected with sex!), and others, especially those on the fringes of camaraderie, vent this in ill treating women. This, I think, is how aggression came to be associated with men in general.
(Here, it is interesting to note that in no other species of life, the male has to handle the ‘masculine’ part of its anatomy, unlike the humans. The effect of which can be easily noticed in the rather disciplined way the males of all other forms of life conduct themselves, except when wildly impelled by the female during mating season.)
Check where you stand
Should we delink sex from urine!
What Should we Do and Why?
Here you may be wondering, why men resort to crimes against women? They could have easily found something more natural, less harmful, and more pleasant to do with women. They could have developed a trait of acting on such images that would have become a part of the human male. However, that doesn't happen. That is because the male sex is severely limited in its ability to do good to females. I am sure, many such occasions in the past (during evolution!) ended up in the male getting severely admonished, whenever he attempted to do something good for the female. (A casual glance at the fate of the male of the species whenever a mating session completes, can show that the male, even now, continues to get reprimanded!) Therefore, being intelligent, man always resorts to one of the few things he is sure of handling well, the easiest being such types of violence. And the human male adorned a rather violent temperament for himself, a preemptive defence (This in fact is the main finding of my book)
Naturally, as a reaction at least, when women would have followed suit, they also would have turned aggressive. It did happen or not, we don’t know. As there is no evidence to suggest that in the earlier times women weren’t forceful in finding their way, we can say, the passive nature of women is a later development. I think women have resigned to a rather submissive role now, as the experience gained over the ages certainly discounted all hopes of men providing anything more than mere passive, sometimes good, helpful presence. (These days women happen to be found everywhere with a subdued libido and a bashful temperament. As one can easily see, this will encourage the man to volunteer for anything, the woman would find inconvenient to do herself!) To add to that, men proudly took upon themselves, all the tough, uninteresting and dangerous activities of living. Hence, women have chosen to stick to the rather less taxing and emotionally rewarding functions of life, like tending to home and family. (Curiously, whenever we face a major problem in our society, rather than attempting extermination, we have been suppressing the problem. This causes it to reappear somewhere else, another rewarding engagement for the man, even if in a more serious form. A cursory glance at the major headlines of any day can prove this.)
As a permanent solution to our problems, in the case of man, I think it is worth examining the possibility of separating the sexual, and the urinary functions from the very same organ meant for both. Perhaps the welcome changes brought by such an alteration could free the mankind of immense misery.