Men's Etiquette: The Adjustment and The Itch

Throughout a normal day for a man there will be many instances where an adjustment or an itch may need to be addressed.  Where should this be conducted and how?  First let’s look at what the adjustment means to people that are in sight of this action.

The Adjustment

When a man reaches down to adjust himself in public people who are in view of this are thinking, “That man must think that his package is just so huge that it needs constant adjustment.”  Or they are thinking, “That guy is over there playing with him self.”  Either way you definitely don’t want someone thinking this about you.  Do what I do.

If you find yourself in need of an adjustment while in public instead of reaching down and fiddling with it, simply excuse yourself from the room.  Go somewhere that people are not in view of you at all.  For example, go to the bathroom.  If this is not an option then go outside.  In a bathroom you can make all the adjustments you need.  Going outside is also an option but you will want to make sure that people are not in view of you.  If there are people and you are near your car, just reach in your pocket for your keys and make the adjustment there.  Ladies you need to understand that men sometimes wear boxer shorts or some other form of underpants that sometimes allows the ole’ snake out of the cage if you will.  The adjustment is usually a way for men to put it back where it belongs. 

Sometimes a quick full pants maneuver will get the little guy back where it belongs.  Do this by pulling the waistband out away from your body then lifting them up and lowering them.  When you do this you’ll want to make sure that you grab the waistband to your underwear as well.  This action just looks like you are adjusting your pants and is more socially acceptable.  Have you ever seen a guy walk funny through a store?  As a man that has done this I know what it means.  An exaggerated step in any direction usually means an adjustment is necessary.  This is another method of acceptable social adjustments.  Usually by taking a long step followed by a quick jump will get Jr. back in place.  There are other methods to socially acceptable adjustments, just get creative and think about how you’ll look to a passer-by.

So many times in a man’s day to day he will have an itch.  The unfortunate thing about this itch is the placement.  It most often happens or occurs on the chode.  The chode is a place of unsavory location and can often lead to embarrassment by men.  It is best described as a place where hair from either side can make a tickle and leave a man cringing with a desire to scratch the itch. 

The crack itch is not such a big deal as it can often be cured by an occasional scoot across a seat.  Sometimes the scoot needs to be repeated, a good number to squelch any crack itch is about five in each direction.  The crack itch often occurs when you have a fart waiting for escape.  One more method of relieving the crack itch is to let the fart go.  Sure you will want to be extremely cautious of where you are when you let loose but it will often relieve the itch.

An itch on any other part of the body is of little to no consequence and can be dealt with in any manner.   All manners of these itch relief’s are socially acceptable.

Let’s get back to the chode.  The most common cause of chode itch is a renegade hair.  The hair runs across the chode in a manner that causes a gentle tickle.  The tickle then causes a terrible itch that cannot be addressed in a social situation.  The best cure for a chode itch is to cross you legs dramatically.  If this doesn’t work then it is time to find a bathroom and scratch that itch.  The great thing about the dramatic leg cross is that when people see this they will think you need to go to the bathroom and will often point this out to you.  If the “leg cross” does work you can just play it off, if it doesn’t work then you now know where the restroom is.

I hope in someway this article has been useful to you and helps you avoid social embarrassment.

Copyright 2009 by Wesley Cox