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the almighty pt belt

Updated on September 3, 2015

Okay so the other day my husband and I were walking on fort bliss (he is active duty army) well anywho there was a patch of grass and not knowing it isn't allowed I stepped on the grass out of no where my husband shouts no you can't walk on the grass here. I looked at him and said oh no I'm hurting the bases grass I took one more step forward and twisted the hell out of my ankle, under his breath I hear him mumble this wouldnt have happened if you had a pt belt confused as to how his reflective physical training belt could have kept me from twisting my ankle into the total cluster mess that it was I had to do some research and get some personal opinions from some of his fellow soldiers on what the pt belt truly was and here's what I have gained from the research and interviews I have done.


A long long time ago in a magical place called hot-girls-in-bikinis-drinking-beer-atopia two very attractive blondes were wrestling in a pool filled with mud when the Budweiser wizard appeared in the sky (words from one of the soldiers) while watching the event the blonde named tiffany got a bad scratch and angered by this event the wizard then created the almighty pt belt so no injury would ever come to something so perfect again. jump forward in time to the age of the dinosaurs the pt belt had been locked away into a secret cave at this point two cave men had come across the cave they collected the almighty pt belt and brought it back to their dwelling well one day the earth started to rain fire and well they would have burnt to death but the almighty pt belt saved them if it hadn't have been for the pt belt there would be no human race. once again skip forward even longer into the future on June ,14th, 1775 the army was created by the pt belt itself. One day the pt belt was on a long lonely travel when it came apon two young men with great strength and in the most beautiful but still mainly voice the pt belt had spoken to the men and said to them I am the almighty pt belt will you swear to wear me to achieve the most ultimate victory of kicking your enemies asses if so then stand strong even better stand army strong for you now are considered the army. From that day on the pt belt has served and protected the American men and women of the military from all dangers around the world for example if you are standing on a bomb your pt belt will turn the bomb into a Budweiser , if you don't have a date to the military ball chant the words pt belt oh pt belt come on guy and help me out and magically a model who stands 5'6 will appear and she will not only accompany you to the ball but she will also wife you and serve to your every need as for cooking cleaning and anything else your heart will desire, and for extreme cases the pt belt is bullet proof, fire proof, STD proof, and even ugly drunk girl proof. The truth of the matter is the pt belt is the most sacred item in the entire world and at the end of the day you should always wear your pt belt to keep safe from harm and be considered one bad ass mofo.

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