A Critique from Two Stories About the Law of Attraction with Light Skin, Dark Skin: A Straightforward View from OB
Is the Law Of Attraction something where you can make something bad happen so that a person can see you are really good?
Let's try to reason this out by looking at it in the perspective of Organizational Modification.
The OB modification model correlates with elements that attempt to change behavior, manage antecedents and consequences to provide a better understanding in the forthrightness of the law of attraction. Antecedents happen unconsciously without even thinking about the consequences of our actions such as "what a person says or does". This could be described as a person who sparks our interest by being attracted to this person because of personality, body type, or chemistry. Consequences occur i.e. when an individual approaches a person s/he is attracted to and fall in love.
In the OB modification model, there are four consequences: positive and negative reinforcement, punishment, and extinction. Positive reinforcement strengthens the relationship, whereas negative reinforcement happens when someone who has one way of thinking about a person and not being attracted to them, suddenly find they can deal with the situation removing any bias or sterotypes about that attribute or person. Punishment happens when a person thought they fell in love, yet later find they are attracted to being in love; then certain behaviors start to cause bad things to happen like criticising or nik-picking. Extinction happens to end the relationship.
An example of Law of attraction: When something negative happens and you get a break, and do the opposite of what you intended to do at first.
What makes opposites become attracted to each other?
Opposites in love are not based on chemistry, desire, or belief .
It could be when someone smiles and the color of their lipstick draws an attraction.
A smile with beautiful teeth can spur someone's interest, a slight tilt of the head when you smile, or smiling and your eye's light up.
Opposites can become attracted just because it messes up your head.
You could like what s/he talks about, your conversation about your likes, dislikes, or creativity.
Even when an expression surfaces and each person perceives the other's thoughts, opposites attract, at least until you get better acquainted.
Other ways opposites attract to each other: When your sister is riding in a car with an older boy knowing that the boy is older than her but she's at that stage of development to take risks; too much perfume but loving the fling; of two playing loud music, fighting and yelling insults to people in the neighborhood. (This also could be referred to as the rebelling stage growing up, but it happens when two people are attracted to each other).
Positive and negative reinforcement help us focus on the aspects of life that can improve relationships and well-being. How in the law of attraction?
A) When what is given is received
1) The relationship has to develop in order to distinquish similarities due to our human nature that shows what is important in the realm of attraction.
2) When there is someone you can tell your troubles to, someone who would pour out love and wisdom.
B) When comparing relationships
1) A chunky girl has more going for her in popularity with other people (many friends), whereas a slender girl has people talking behind her back and gets worried what people are saying about her. By coincidence you two meet and start to bond.
2) To have a sense of family with grandma present, a girl can find comfort in knowing her grandma can take the place of loneliness, misunderstanding, or ignorance.
What is the popularity gene in the law of attraction?
It is when you are good at everything you try, every girl wants to be friends with you so they can hang with the cool crowd. When something goes wrong, but because s/he is popular, they can accept you anyway.
What characteristics do LS (light-skin) persons portray to each other from the story "Rules of Attraction"?
Do we have conflicting emotions about the law of attraction on social norms, past experiences, and personal values when the color of skin is the issue?
Males: A LS man likes a LS woman with certain physical traits and who dresses like a lady . The degree of confidence a LS woman displays, or that shows less drama than a DS woman is slight, but for a male, makes him more confident in seeing her having a humanistic approach to living her life as very well rooted. A LS male would probably confess that when the two first met, he was not calculating if she would be a good life partner for him. His first impression after sizing up whether she was shaped as a 10, or the hour glass figure, are her eyes and facial expressions. He would sum up what he knew about her personality and character and if it was something he could relate to further. He would find out about her interests and what she likes, where she goes for fun, or what type of car she drives. If a spark arouses his interest more, she would be a constant jolt on his memory about thinking of her. A LS woman who is attracted to him would be exasperated if she thought he does not treat women right or respect her property. She would be more attracted to him if she found he had some of the same interests as she has; street smarts, liking sports and fixing cars.
Females: A LS woman is more attractive to a LS man if he is the carrier of good genes so that if marriage is in the near future, the baby has a better chance of being healthy too. A LS woman likes her man to have a sense of humor just in case she does something that could jeopardize the relationship. She expects him to forgive her, show compassion with a strong mental ability, and take charge when a situation arises unexpectedly. A LS woman's appraising eyes tells her man she knows he has sensitive qualities, cares for him, and can easily fall in love.
Romance: A LS m/w single's romance begins with a dare, a date, a smile, green eyes, long shiny hair, nice complexion, or even loneliness. LS m/w dating are mesmerized by the other trying to impress who s/he is which makes for more sexier and intoxicating romance, excitement, and finding out who h/she really is . A LS man's smooth gait, supportive friends, friendliness to others, and a good reputation denotes desirability, handsomeness, smartness, and personality. A LS woman admiring all those traits in a man is likely to feel jealousy and fear that he could leave her for another woman.
Other: Many LS persons and DS (dark skin) persons due to societal and familial pressures from parents oftentimes date within the family structure like in India. In India, parents choose the mate according to financial, familial, and cultural norms. Dating from within your circle because of past experiences, undervalues diversity of relationships. It also disregards attraction of love which undermines falling in love. In today's society, psychological needs like intimacy and attachment has a tendency to keep m/w together.
What characteristics do (DS) dark skin persons portray to each other from the story "Bluford High. Lost and Found".
DS persons do not always get the best rap because a DS man who does not respect a DS woman is usually only thinking about himself . Many a time because DS parents work to provide for the family leaving older children to take the responsibility of the parents, a middle DS teen's reaction of self-centeredness becomes an excuse . For the DS older child, this job is not hard to do if you respect yourself and your siblings. In relationships, DS teen boys/girls find similarities like having memories of doing certain things special, waiting to be together, liking h/her clothes, breath, hair, a teenage girl's eyes that are bowed demurely is attractive, and opposites fit in this category. Even when laughing while dealing with the pain, to forget is less burdonsome, to forgive a DS person who wronged you that sometimes turns to sadness, moodiness, or cynicism. Making up is sexier than being aggressive and arguing all over the house. We are all familiar with the phrase a woman prefers a "tall, dark, and handsome man". A DS man has more swagger and is our hero. A DS man prefers a woman who will treat them right, and date only LS women they find attractive. What about the DS man bragging about you and telling all his friends your deep secrets?
A lovely couple
What characteristics do medium skin persons portray to each other?
A MS person has one thing in common that other skin types do not, the thought of having two or more different skin types which makes MS unique. The crux of the matter is a MS person is stuck in the middle, and in relationships it takes on a different hue like LS couples or DS couples. Skin color too beautiful is dangerous, a fallacy when you have to sneak around just to be together. And who better to blame than MS persons. Except there is nothing wrong with creating a whole new array of colors, different hues, shades, shapes, and figures. It is part of the life we live in.
Most experts agree that to recognize other people helps us learn and motivates us to observe them, inferring possible consequences of their actions.
Is the law of attraction a reflection of things you do not see?
"The unknown is sexier than the woman who flaunts; not really attracted, its just getting revenge for parent's ignoring them or being the exact opposite of what parents expect from them."
We can not see love but we can feel love. Love is a condition, but we can not control this condition to a point, especially when all those chemicals in our brain are sparking our interests and turning us on. In love we thrive with energy, are happier, spend our time more wisely, and like to do the love thing. The activities are conversating, dating, kissing, and being together. Remembering the first time you held hands or walked in the park, is probably still etched in your mind somewhere. Love makes us strong and vital, its the beginning of the end in relationships. Most persons experience love at birth, even though I have no proof.
The Thanksgiving Day Kiss
Lowndes speaks about the chemistry of love. Psychologists and philosophers have made assumptions about love and concluded that it is a chemical reaction to the brain. Men and women's chemical reactions are different in how the chemical is released and functions. Just briefly, in the brain's components are the amygdala, the hippocampus, hypothamalus, nucleic caudate, and the prefrontal cortex. The amygdala is the emotional leader of the limbic system where the chemical (software) reactions are on standby. The hippocampus has a relationship with the amygdala and is our memory center. The hypothalamus monitors our sleeping, eating, breathing, and has a strong reaction to the love zone. The nucleic caudate is the pleasure or reward center. And lastly, the prefrontal cortex determines the bad and good we each hold inside when we decide to do for ourselves. These are the regions of the brain where activity occurs, the chemicals and reactions to them are what makes them function.
What do men and women want in a relationship?
Men are only interested in one thing, copulating when first getting to know one another. The first reason for dating is just that, although it is not the only thing. If a man is attracted to a woman, he feels this spark which is crucial to dating, that lights his fire inside, and eventually can lead to a permanent relationship. Men have turn their entire schedule around and taken time off just to do the do. And since men have 10 times more testosterone than women, they find it hard to control the activity in the brain to do the do. Most times its impossible to ignore the urge because of social pressure from peers. At the same time when finding that attraction to the opposite sex when dating, men follow the cardinal rule. Does his possible future mate have mate value, can she procreate, is she fertile to have babies? In this regard, he is able to feel good about his part of laboring, a payoff in the long haul for starting a family. A woman with long shiny hair carries a healthy dose of estrogen, an element that is good for this purpose as well, but a man looks at the body first. Men look at the body and then the face, where eyes, size, complexion, and the upper body come in second.
Women want attention, good conversation, and a man who is a good provider, even if she makes more than he does. A woman's age is not as important in the relationship, as young girls do not spark serious curiousity until about 25 years old. Women are not as turned on with men having tall, big muscles even though those attributes can ignite the flame of adrenaline and cause the girl to fall head over heels in love. It does make women more aggressive to a point, and heightens the femininity in them. Women want men who show their intellectual side, has potential character and a good personality. A woman's hormonal balance if healthy, produces a stronger immune system, and this in turn helps feeling compassionate toward her man.
Elkeles, S. (2010). Rules of Attraction. Walker Publishing Co.
Lowndes, L. (2013). How To Create Chemistry With Anyone. Spark It Fast. read by author
McShane, S. L. and Glinow, M. A. V. (2013). Foundations of Employee Motivation. Organizational Behavior. pg. 142-143.
Schraff, A. (2002). Bluford High. Lost And Found. Scholastic, Inc.