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5 People You Meet When You're Unemployed

Updated on November 27, 2013

So, everyone has been there. Either you've come out of College and can't find a job, or you have been let go by your firm because they had to downsize. Whatever the reason may be, you find yourself waking up at 2 in the afternoon, going out to see a foreign film by yourself at the small local theater on Two dollar Tuesdays.

While you are mourning your current financial status, you try to keep your head high by going out to cheap or free events. In these outings you realize that there are people walking in the streets when really they should be working. Here are the 5 people you meet when you're unemployed:


Retirees

5. When I was unemployed or really underemployed at some point, I realized that there are a lot of seniors walking the streets, driving cars, and going to the cinema to see the latest foreign film. Seniors in the NYC area are surprisingly cultured. You can find them enjoying author readings at one of the many CUNY schools, enjoying outings to museums, eating at local eateries for brunch and early bird specials. I was amazed to learn that I enjoyed the same things as senior citizens. Obviously, I'm the coolest 20-something year old.

Unemployed Peers

4. It's no surprise that with the state of the economy today, there are many, hundreds, literally millions of people who are unemployed walking around, doing the same thing you are. They look for work at temp agencies, or they set out to stand on line at the unemployment office. These people might be exasperated, the daily grind of not working takes an obvious toll on them physically and emotionally, trying to make ends meet while holding on to faith that perhaps things will turn around.

Graveyard Shift

3. People who work nights... please give them an applause and cheer. It ain't easy, but with the competitive job market today we take what we can get. Graveyard shifters, or owls , whatever you might want to call them have the horrible painstaking position of working crazy hours but getting some of the morning to themselves while most people are working. Grocery store lines are way shorter, malls are practically empty, you can literally re-enact the scene from 500 days of summer without the fear that you might get caught by an Asian family.

Owls are easy to spot because they are usually the ones sleeping like a coked up drug addict on the subway or bus as you head to work at 9 o'clock in the morning. No, the person sitting next to you with red eyes, sleeping and drooling all over themselves is not a homeless person or a drugie. She/he has just come from an eight hour shift and just needs you to get off your phone and stay quiet while she takes a nap!

I'm an adult woman, and I no longer fear the dark, shadows, or things that go bump in the night. But if I see a crowd of kids hanging around, my heart beats faster, my hands get clammy and I have the sudden urge to run in the opposite direction.
I'm an adult woman, and I no longer fear the dark, shadows, or things that go bump in the night. But if I see a crowd of kids hanging around, my heart beats faster, my hands get clammy and I have the sudden urge to run in the opposite direction.

Teenagers Playing Hooky

2.Was there a holiday that only certain schools are aware of? Why are there so many loud tiny people around me with book bags on and why are they not in a classroom? The 2nd most likely person you're likely to meet when you're unemployed are teenagers playing hooky from school.

They've taken a page out of Ferris Bueller's book and have decided to stay at home on a school day. Only they are not home--they're everywhere else! At the mall, the movies, the ice skating rink, fast food places. Everywhere you turn there are young tweens blasting the newest Drake song on their phones and playing pranks on each other, hormones raging amuck in the middle of the streets.

I feel like telling them if they don't sort out their lives now, start studying for the SAT's and writing those college essays they might as well stay in the streets and learn something useful, like performing improv or dance routines for weary commuters.

There are college graduates that have a hard time finding a job--All I can say is go to Devry and learn to fix a friggin' car because there will be no need for art history degrees once you graduate. You're welcome, loud, obnoxious super senior standing in my path.


"I'm not like a regular mom, I'm a cool mom."
"I'm not like a regular mom, I'm a cool mom."

Annoying Rich Moms

1. These women don't work. They have devoted their lives to their children. Except, their children are with their nannies (or playing hooky), and these moms are out at spas, or local eateries downing mimosas at 11 am in the morning. They wear oversized Gucci bags and sweatpants that are too tight. These moms raid their daughter's closets and aim to play dress up to compete with their daughters and her friends.

I believe in every human's right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness. But once your pursuit of happiness imposes on my happiness, this becomes a problem. Put away the makeup, the hair dryer, and get out of the tanning salon. Cover your fake breasts and drink your problems away with a bottle of vodka in an ugly bath robe in the privacy of your home like every other 45-year old mother.

So tell me what you think. Who else have you run to in your daily unemployed adventures? Is there a group of people I've missed? Leave your comments below.

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