10 Things That Martha Madison Cannot Do . . .

WRITER'S NOTE: This hub is dedicated to a good friend. And wonderful HubWriter, ThoughtSandwiches. Enjoy.)~~~Kenneth

How do I start

to describe the angel in these photos? Sweet. Nice. Beautiful. Humble. Selfless. Giving. Talented. And there are more my friends, but I might embarrass her if she reads this. From all I have found out about this pretty girl, Martha Madison, she blushes a lot when being complimented. That in itself is a trait of good upbringing.

In a nutshell, whom is Martha Madison? Have you ever heard of a little daytime soap opera on NBC called, "Days of Our Lives?" Well, then you must have seen this beauty many times on this super-hot show. She played the part of Belle Black. A very-challenging role. One that only Martha Madison could handle. This is in no way a bad reflection on my other "friend," Jennifer Love Hewitt. Hewitt is cut-out mostly for nighttime television. But Martha Madison (seen in all of these photos) can do both. Nighttime. And daytime television. I've even enjoyed her role as a scared single-mother with a kidnapped son, on CBS' Criminal Minds. What a versatile talent, Martha is. Not many actresses could handle the popularity and workload that Martha faces every week of the year. But she never complains. She is loyal to her millions of fans.

I don't want you, my trusted-friends, to think harshly of me for publishing this hub. I am not an adulterer. I said the same thing when I was writing about my secret lunch with Jennifer Love Hewitt. There is something good to be said about cleansing one's conscience. And even though, I cannot be around Martha Madison, not because I do not trust myself, but cannot trust her, I still find myself attracted to her. But that is between you and I. Okay?

I'D RATHER FACE A FIRE-BREATHING DRAGON

than to say the following.

I HAVE FOUND OUT, BY LONG AND HARD RESEARCH, THAT THERE ARE 10 THINGS THAT MARTHA MADISON CANNOT DO.

I'm as sorry as I can be. It hurts me more than it hurts you, but there are ten things that even this extremely-talented blond beauty cannot do. With help. Or alone. Poor Martha Madison. She only gets to sit on the sidelines and see other people doing what she cannot do. And I do not know about you, but I am sickened to death of the rest of this story. Let's just pray that Martha has a movie to shoot in Europe. Or whatever hot television series she is working on, doesn't know what HubPages are. That might work.

"The 10 Things That Martha Madison Cannot Do" . . .

1. Martha Madison cannot drive a Ford 250 Super Duty 4x4 truck.
2. Martha Madison cannot write a screenplay for any theater company in New York City.
3. Martha Madison cannot hitch-hike from Los Angeles to Jackson, Mississippi.
4. Martha Madison cannot tame rattlesnakes for carnival shows.
5. Martha Madison cannot drive a Greyhound bus.
6. Martha Madison cannot do a convincing impression of Laura Bush.
7. Martha Madison cannot operate a Gillette Fusion razor.
8. Martha Madison cannot do a show in Barnum and Bailey Circus.
9. Martha Madison cannot do a solo act as a morning DJ on an all-talk radio station.
10. Martha Madison cannot sing the popular Beatles' song, "Hey, Jude," word-for word.

"Martha, I am sorry. I offer you my most-sincere apologies. When I signed up on HubPages several months ago, I vowed to myself to be true to the ethics of the heralded arena of the written word. That means that sometimes we have to write things, although hurtful to a point, we have to be true to the written word and ourselves. Again. I apologize."

Kenneth Avery.

In all honesty, hub friends, do you think that I will get in trouble with Martha over this story? If you foresee me getting harsh calls from her agent, just speak up. Tell me now. I just had to unburden myself of these things that Martha couldn't do.

I am not saying that Martha was trying to hide them from us, but I think that she was, in all of her gracious, selfless ways, ashamed of being a bit behind the rest of us when it comes to doing the simple things in life.

Yeah. That'll work. Right?



THIS HURTS ME

to write. I love Martha Madison. To death. I just hope that my once-lunch date, Jennnifer Love Hewitt, isn't reading our hubs, for when she reads this, she will literally come unglued.

Martha Madison is, to say the least, extremely-talented. Lady-like. Gracious. Soft-spoken. Beautiful. Mannerable. Humble-hearted. And is loved far and near as the character, Belle Black, on Days of Our Lives, the soap that made NBC billions of dollars.

Why does this hurt me to, I hate to say, 'expose,' Martha Madison to this scrutiny? Well, I did some digging and found out that Madison is unable to do 10 things. That's right. 10 things. Things that you and I could do with ease. But this lovely creature, Martha Madison, cannot do any of them.

But, knowing Martha Madison, she will read this and giggle like a southern belle and not think anything harsh of me for writing this story.

Forgiving. That's another thing that makes Martha gorgeous.