20 New Year’s Resolutions You Can Keep!
It’s that time of year again when many of us resolve to change the parts and pieces of ourselves we just aren’t quite happy with. Before long, it will be time to be disappointed in ourselves for not sticking to said resolutions, so this year, let’s try something different! Let’s just skip the part where we make unattainable goals for ourselves only to suffer huge blows to our self-esteem when we don’t make it. Let’s just go for what we know we can do and that way when we achieve it, it will improve our self-esteem rather than deflate it.
#1: Plan on working out 5 days a week, but only make it to the gym once a month, then taper off and quit entirely by March.
#2: Give the ex another second chance. It couldn’t have been all bad, right?
#3: Gain 5 lbs. by the end of February.
#4: Keep getting coffee for the boss and letting him stare at your lady parts. Sure it’s demeaning, but it keeps your friendship healthy and he said he would give you a promotion!
#5: Buy loads of organic, local food at extravagant prices, but munch out on Cheetos in private.
#6: Always keep a change of clothes in the car for when you get too drunk and throw up on yourself or fall in a puddle…or worse.
#7: Only apply for new credit cards if it saves more than $50 on this purchase.
#8: On sunny days, limit circling the parking lot to 10 minutes trying to get the closest parking spot and feel good about walking those extra 20 feet!
#9: Only open misdelivered mail if it looks like it contains money.
#10: If a friend leaves something when she stays over, always return it to her (after you decide it’s not flattering on you).
#11: Shave legs at least two inches above the hem of whatever article of clothing you're wearing. That way even when you cross your legs, it looks like your personal hygiene is complete.
