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Funny Things You Should Never Say To A Police Officer

Updated on July 18, 2012
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You have just left an awesome party and have turned on the radio. You are having a jolly old time screaming at the top of your lungs to "Life Is A Highway" by Rascal Flatts. Life could not get any better than at this present moment. You are on "Cloud 9". You are "On Top Of The World". You are...and then it happens...The sirens begin to sound and the blue and red lights flicker back and forth like fireworks.

In the meantime, the radio has switched over to "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry. You think to yourself, "Really, couldn't the radio of picked any other song than this one? This is one of the most depressing songs ever!" By this time, your happiness has been replaced with nervous anxiety as you begin to pull over to the side of the road. This is one of those moments you wish you could just curl up and disappear! "If only life were that easy", you think outloud.

As you are pulling over and coming to a steady halt, several questions begin to race through your mind. "How will I ever pay for this ticket? I used all of my paycheck on late night Taco Bell outings!" "What will my spouse say? I don't want to be grounded again!" "How will I hide this from my family? They will shun me and make me watch the Lifetime channel all by myself!" As these thoughts are flying through your brain and being replaced with new thoughts, you make a very good observation.

Whatever you do, you probably should not take the advice of your Grandpa Rudy. As he was selling you the car several years ago, he stuffed a paper in the glove box exclaiming, "If you ever get pulled over, take out this paper and memorize three or four of the statements!"

The paper is entitled, "How To Annoy A Cop: 21 Creative Ways!"

Life Is A Highway

If I Die Young

Whoops! That is the fake one, sorry!

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Would you like to write a humorous hub like this one on things not to say to an officer? Well you can and it is simple, fast and free! Click here, and you can be well on your way to doing what what you love to do and making money at the same time!

Cop Looking Rather Bored

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21 Things You Should Never Say To A Cop

1. How long is this going to take Sir? Your wife and I are going out for coffee soon.. Why do you think I was speeding?

2. So that is what those flashing lights in the work zone mean? I always thought they were there for decoration.

3. No, I don't know how fast I was going. My little needle thingamajig stops at 105mph. Besides, isn't that your job to know these things?

4. I know I was weaving but I was trying to run over all the Leprechauns! Can't a guy have some fun these days? Sheesh!

5. Sir, you should just ignore this whole situation and keep driving. I heard that the Dunkin Donuts off of Exit 67 is having a special deal!

6. Sorry Officer, I didn't realize that my radar detector was broken. I just hate it when that happens; it gets me every time!

7. Sir, could you please hold my liquor while I attempt to find fake ID? Sure, you can have some if you want, only a little. And what? You don't take fake ID's anymore! What is this world coming too?!

8. All right, I need to get something cleared up before we continue here. Is it true that you all become cops because you can't get accepted into McDonalds?

9. Sorry sir, but could you come back in a few minutes? I am in the middle of a phone call with Al Capone's great grandson. We are going over some blueprints and ideas for our late night extravaganza next week.

10. You do realize that I pay your salary, right? Things could get a little interesting here, are you sure you want to continue?

11. Did you pull me over because of the cocaine, the hostage I have in the back, or the fact that the license plate is missing? The missing license plate? Are you serious?

(The song lyrics "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter start to play in your head, and you can't get them out!)

12. Whoooooops! That is the fake one, let me grab the other one! Silly Me, it's probably the drinks kickin' in!

13. Thanks so much officer! Last night, the cop gave me a word of warning as well, you guys are so gracious!

14. Officer, I am a humble guy so correct me if I am wrong. But isn't it like required for all cops to be in ya know...decent condition? Why am I asking? Oh, no reason in particular(as you slowly gaze up and down his body).

15. Sir, there is absolutely no way I was going 90! My cruise control was set at 85!

16. Sir,would you like to be let in on a little secret? Well, I am going to share it with you anyway. I was going to become a cop but I chose to graduate high school instead. TRUE STORY!

17. Sir, I was only keeping up with the flow of traffic. Well, yeah of course there are no cars around! They are all way ahead of me. I am trying to play catch up, and you are only impeding me!

18. Sir, you must have been going like 110mph to keep up with me, I am impressed!

19. Sir, if only you had what I had a few minutes ago, you wouldn't be so uptight! Just chill man, relax...everything is smooth sailing here.

20. You looked really bored, so I thought I would do you a favor. Wasn't that so very kind of me?

And the last reason for all of you HubPages fans!

21. Sir, I was rushing home so I could check up on all of the comments I got on my Hub Of The Day! (wishful thinking for the author of this hub, wishful thinking...)


This Is The Feeling You Have When A Cop Pulls You Over

Disclaimer On This List Of Things Not To Say To An Officer

Sorry to burst your bubbles yet again, but this list will probably not get you out of a ticket. Saying any one of these things will probably tick the cop off and you will forever be on his bad side! He will share this story with every cop he knows! You will be on the town's radar for sure! If you do manage to pull off using any one these sayings, remember that you will be getting HubHugs for life! Those don't come often and are not given out like candy!

Also just for your reference, "If I Die Young" is actually a great song! If you have never heard of it, you can look above. I have added a capsule just for you!

And the Lifetime channel, believe it or not, does have a few good movies every now and then.

Well, good luck to everyone on their journeys. And remember, if a cop ever tries to impede you in catching up with the flow of traffic, your ticket to freedom is only one phrase away! Or is it?


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    • Patty Kenyon profile image

      Patty Kenyon 5 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      ROFL!!!! That was too Funny!!!!! Awesome Job!!!!!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Patty,

      LOL, Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it Patty, Have an awesome Monday!

    • fresh2def05 profile image

      fresh2def05 5 years ago from Louisville, Ky

      This was hilarious...keep em comin!! I might just be dumb enough to use one of these

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Fresh,

      Thanks for visiting! Glad you enjoyed it!

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 5 years ago from Singapore

      Will not be silly enough to say any of these! Good work, Josh.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      #1 was the best by far! Give me a call from jail and I'll see what I can do for you. LOL Great job nephew!

    • cclitgirl profile image

      Cynthia Sageleaf 5 years ago from Western NC

      Witty and funny. I haven't said these things, but there are a number of them that I often THINK when I encounter an officer. I keep my thoughts to myself. :)

    • Austinstar profile image

      Austinstar 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      Crying or flashing certain upper body parts always worked for me. But you could also say that their eyes must have been "glazed" over to think you were speeding.

      Seriously, never admit guilt of any kind! If an officer asks, "do you know why I pulled you over?", always say "No sir, I don't". Never argue with a cop, just be agreeable and sign the ticket. then make notes about everything, including the weather, time of day, etc. and go to court. If the officer doesn't show up, your ticket will automatically be dismissed. True Story!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Michelle,

      Thanks for your comment, i probably would not have the courage to try any of these! LOL

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Bill,

      Thanks I enjoyed that one as well! Glad you liked this funny hub!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Cyndi,

      Thanks glad you enjoyed it! Yeah I am with you, I don't often say the things I am thinking in my head either LOL

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Austin,

      You seem to have a lot of experience in this area? ROFL Thanks for reading and commenting!

    • Lipnancy profile image

      Nancy Yager 5 years ago from Hamburg, New York

      Thanks Josh, I am sure every one of these will flash through my mind the next time I am stopped. Voted Up and Shared.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 5 years ago from Central Florida

      Very clever, Josh! You just get better and better!!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Nancy,

      Thanks! Glad you enjoyed this hub!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Shauna,

      Aww, thanks for that very awesome comment! You are too kind!

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Too funny Josh! I did get pulled over quite a few times but I've never actually gotten a ticket. I got a parking ticket at the mall recently...all the police men in St. Louis are super SWEET!!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Kelly,

      Thanks I am glad you enjoyed it! Parking ticket at the mall, that is a lame ticket go get, I would be so upset! LOL

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

      I'd like to add my favorite one "you pulled me over cause you thought I was cute!" it actually worked! Once. The one time I used it. This excuse varies per gender.

      Your excuses were fantastically hilarious! All of them!! I'll pass them on. I think. Ha!!

      Excellent song choices! Rascal Flatts and Band Perry!! ;)

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Linda,

      Thanks for your awesome response! And nice excuse to get out of a ticket! :). I knew you would like my song choices! :)

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 5 years ago from New York, New York

      Very funny and you made me first think of my brother-in-law who is NYPD, then with the Bad Day song, when I worked with pre-school kids at a local camp a few years ago as a teacher in the summer (they played this song everyday all summer long, true story, lol!!)

      Seriously, Josh your hubs always brighten my day. Thanks!! Shared and voted up too as usual!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Janine,

      Thanks for your continual support and awesome comments! I appreciate them so much! Sorry, I put the song back in your head LOL

      I am glad my hubs brighten up your day!

      Thanks for voting and sharing! :)

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 5 years ago from New York, New York

      Anytime, my friend. Again, Bad Day isn't a terrible song to have stuck in my head, could be much worse lol!!!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Janine,

      Yes that is very true! And I will refrain from offering any titles that would be worse, as to prevent those songs from being stuck in your head! LOL

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 5 years ago from New York, New York

      Oh thanks Josh, you are best!!!

    • Lord De Cross profile image

      Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

      Hey Josh! This was so funny! This is from real life. A cop pulled me over and gave the ticket for speeding...and I was nervous, ready to go... He, the State trooper parked right behind my read bumper. Instead of D drive, I .. accidentally switch into R, Guess what? He wante to kille me! Keep it up chief! Hilarious!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Joseph,

      Oh no! That couldn't of ended well! Lol. Thanks for reading another one of my hubs!

    • Austinstar profile image

      Austinstar 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      Hmmm, I do indeed have a lot of experience in this matter. I come from a family of cops, was engaged to marry one once and even considered becoming a homicide detective.

      Being taught to drive by a stock car racer didn't help much either. Ah, to be young again with a heavy foot. Now I drive like the old lady that I am. Haven't been stopped or gotten a ticket in many years now.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Austin,

      You seem to have had a lot of awesome experiences in your life! :)

    • Ann1Az2 profile image

      Ann1Az2 5 years ago from Orange, Texas

      Josh, thank goodness your sense of humor outweighs the advice of Grandpa Rudy! Well written.

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Ann,

      Thanks so much! Glad you enjoyed it!

    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 5 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      Funny. We got pulled over as we arrived in Billings last Wednesday night. I'm happy to report, we didn't use any of these excuses.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      TT,

      Oh no! Did you get ticketed? And you should of tried at least one of these Lol.

    • Curiad profile image

      Mark G Weller 5 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

      #22, Excuse me but, when was the last time you had that radar calibrated?

      (True Story) and it worked:)

    • Efficient Admin profile image

      Efficient Admin 5 years ago from Charlotte, NC

      Officer: you were clocked at 85 mph.

      Citizen: But Officer, that's how the spark plugs get cleaned in this older car.

      LOL

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      You know, Josh....Don't ya just HATE it that 9 out of ten cops have absolutely NO SENSE OF HUMOR??

    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 5 years ago from North Carolina

      Oh dear.. these would be really interesting with State Troopers. This is roll on the floor with a belly laugh funny. You really did a wonderful job on this! Hilarious!!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Mark,

      Thanks for sharing that experience with us! Funny!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      EA,

      Great addition! Thanks! :)

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Paula,

      Yes! Let us start a strike on all those strict cops!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Tammy,

      Thanks for reading, I am glad you enjoyed it! :)

    • Deep Metaphysical profile image

      Deep Biswas 5 years ago from India

      "Sir, you should just ignore this whole situation and keep driving. I heard that the Dunkin Donuts off of Exit 67 is having a 3 for 1 special!" - who says that? The cop?

    • Deep Metaphysical profile image

      Deep Biswas 5 years ago from India

      "You do realize that I pay your salary, right? Things could get a little interesting here, are you sure you want to continue?" - that's gotta cut deep :p

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Deep,

      No the one getting pulled over does, because cops like doughnuts! LOL

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Deep,

      Yes it does cut deep! :)

    • HLKeeley profile image

      HL Keeley 5 years ago from Charlotte, NC

      I shared this with my dad (a sergeant). He gets so much crap. Someone even video taped him and posted it on youtube as police brutality without knowing the story!

      I did a good laugh out of this and listen to Life is a Highway until i saw Bad Day. I fangirled and scrolled down to listen as I finished the list. Now I am finishing up the song as I comment. :)

      This was a great hub! Voted up and shared. Hilarious

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Keeley,

      I am glad you enjoyed this hub and the songs! I love those songs!

      Thanks for the votes and shares! What did you dad say? :)

    • Julie DeNeen profile image

      Blurter of Indiscretions 5 years ago from Clinton CT

      I have the unfortunate problem of talking back to police officers. I won't say how many times I've been pulled over and then in the position of having to flash my baby blues to get myself out of an argument. It's not fair, but if I were a guy, I'd have been arrested by now for sure. So Josh, another great hub. Can I make a suggestion? Since you are Mr. Popular, can you set your comment settings so the most recent one shows first? Otherwise, your groupies must scroll scroll scroll scroll down until they get to the box to comment. Crowd management Josh, crowd management. :)

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Julie,

      You are too funny! Yeah it probably is good for you that you are a girl! Lol.

      Yes, I will change my comments setting. Thanks for the advice!

    • HLKeeley profile image

      HL Keeley 5 years ago from Charlotte, NC

      Josh, he hasn't answered my yet...i shared via facebook, ill let u know!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Keeley,

      Ok I am excited to see what he says! :)

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 5 years ago from England

      So funny! I remember my friend who was slightly worse for wear, too much drink! and she staggered over to a policeman and said 'hello occifer, hic, can I hold your helmet? then she promptly grabbed his hat and ran off! true story! and yes she did say occifer and not officer! lol!

    • suzettenaples profile image

      Suzette Walker 5 years ago from Taos, NM

      The last one is the best! I have some great" stopped by the police stories", but I'm not telling! This is great josh - again I was laughing out loud by the end of this. Keep up the good writing!

    • Joy M profile image

      Joy M 5 years ago from Sumner, Washington

      Very funny! Will have to share. Thanks for the great hub.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Joy,

      Thanks for reading and giving me an awesome comment! And thanks for sharing.

      Have a great night Joy!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Suzette!

      Cone on now you know you can't say that and not share?!?! Lol

      I am glad you liked it! I will keep up the around with awesome supporters like you!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Nell,

      Awesome story! Thanks for sharing! Glad you enjoyed it. Have a good night!

    • profile image

      Ghost32 5 years ago

      Nice list, Josh. I actually tried the "keeping up with traffic" excuse once--when I was getting a ticket for 28 in a 15 zone in the middle of town. Didn't work then, either, despite the fact that the construction had been done for weeks and the very next day they switched it to a 25 mph zone. The sign still said 15, so down went my personal ticket-ship!

      The cop was cranky, too. Asked me if I wanted to go to jail, RIGHT NOW. Since I'd been half asleep and had no idea what I'd just said to him (or more importantly, perhaps, how I'd said it), I just shut up right then and there. :)

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Ghost,

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your little story! I am having a blast reading every one's stories. You are not alone here :)

      Have a great night; take care!

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 5 years ago from San Francisco

      definitely don't say, "you stupid ****** ****** **** *******.Why don't you take that ****** ******* ticket and *** ******." ( I think I spelled that write.) :))

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Mhatter99,

      I just LOL'ed! HAHA That was too funny; you just gave me a great laugh! Thanks for stopping by!

    • old albion profile image

      Graham Lee 5 years ago from Lancashire. England.

      Hi Josh. Uplifting and raised a smile. Well done.

      Graham.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

      FUNNY, I've always wondered what would happen if i offered an obese cop a dunkn' donut while he was in the process of writing me a ticket. Ha.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Old Albion,

      Thanks, glad it could uplift you!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      always,

      Yeah, that probably wouldn't go over too well! :)

    • HLKeeley profile image

      HL Keeley 5 years ago from Charlotte, NC

      @Josh my dad said that this was funny, but if it was ever said to him he would give them a ticket (which for my dad is rare) he usually gives people warnings

      He said if someone talked to him this way it does not show him respect for his job and as a person. He usually gives them the speech saying "What if I came into your office one day and told you how to do your job?"

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Kelley,

      So, I guess overall, he was not a fan? LOL Whoops!

    • catgypsy profile image

      catgypsy 5 years ago from the South

      Josh, very funny! Thanks for the laugh!

    • HLKeeley profile image

      HL Keeley 5 years ago from Charlotte, NC

      Josh, he was about the article, but not about someone saying to him. Most likely he will share this with the other cops. They will get a kick out of it

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      catgypsy,

      Glad you had a good laugh, and you are welcome! :)

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Keeley,

      Ok, Whew! LOL Glad he thought it was funny!

    • Becky Katz profile image

      Becky Katz 5 years ago from Hereford, AZ

      My husband was a cop back before they laminated licenses. Someone mouthed off to him and he pulled out a jar of peanut butter, dipped the guys drivers license and ate it. Then he wrote a ticket for driving without the license. The judge knew my husband well and when they went to court, the guy told the judge and my husband got in trouble, but the bailiff was laughing. He had pulled the same guy over before and got lip too.

      The next time my husband dropped it between the window and the door frame. The guy had to take the door apart to get his license back. Don't mess with the old cops, they get revenge.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Becky,

      ROFL! That was too funny! Thanks for sharing that hilarious story! :)

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 5 years ago

      This is so funny! I was thinking of #3 as soon as I started reading this article. Can you imagine asking a cop #7? I like them all especially #21. Voted up!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Marlene,

      Thanks, glad you enjoyed them! I had a blast writing it for sure! HAHA

    • Mazzy Bolero profile image

      Mazzy Bolero 5 years ago from the U.K.

      Really funny, josh3418. I sometimes think you may as well say those things to the cops, because they're going to give you the ticket anyway. For girls, smiling sweetly, flashing your eyes and/or crying only works up to a certain age, then they get mean :)

    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 5 years ago from Upstate, New York

      Josh my friend - THIS IS PRICELESS!!!! I can't decide which one was the funniest. As I read, each one made me laugh harder!!! Your grandfather sounds like a great guy. That must be where you get your hilarious humor from.

      Josh - if you only knew how badly I needed a luagh today. Thank youf or turning my gray skies blue. GREAT GREAT GREAT!!!

      Funny and deliriously hysterical!!!

      Voting up!!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Mazzy,

      That is true, we might as well say them anyway! LOL

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Beckie,

      Yay! I am so glad I could give you a great laugh today! :)

    • Becky Katz profile image

      Becky Katz 5 years ago from Hereford, AZ

      Mazzy, not so sure about that. I am 54 and used the tears just a year ago. It worked.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Becky,

      Awesome! :) I don't think that would work for a 25 year old male! BAHA! :)

    • Mazzy Bolero profile image

      Mazzy Bolero 5 years ago from the U.K.

      Sheesh, Becky Katz, I am peeved - when I did it he gave me a ticket!!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Mazzy,

      Haha, LOL too funny! :)

    • newusedcarssacram profile image

      newusedcarssacram 5 years ago from Sacramento, CA, U.S.A

      LOL...try at your own risk...!!! :P

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Newused,

      Thanks! It is definitely a risk! :)

    • CrazedNovelist profile image

      A.E. Williams 5 years ago from Hampton, GA

      Daniel Powter is underrated. I need to listen to more of his music.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Aubrey,

      Yes, he is awesome! :)

    • profile image

      AaronHubb89 4 years ago

      I vote beautiful...simply because no one has.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Aaron,

      Thanks! :)

    • ThoughtSandwiches profile image

      ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada

      Josh,

      ahhh my friend...I was totally buying into Uncle Rudy's list until I saw you mention that the Lifetime Channel has good movies...yes...a certain amount of credibility was lost at that point...lol.

      Still, funny as hell list!

      Thanks for the laughs,

      Thomas

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thomas,

      Lol @ the lifetime movie comment! Thanks glad you enjoyed this one! :)

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      I've never told a police officer, "I pay your salary," but I have said it to a professor before. It usually doesn't go over well in either situation. Oh well. Funny hub and voted up!

    • mollymeadows profile image

      Mary Strain 4 years ago from The Shire

      Lol Josh! My favorite is No. 11. OOOhhhh...ouch. Yeah.

    • Cyndi10 profile image

      Cynthia B Turner 4 years ago from Georgia

      Hi Josh, these were too funny. I especially like #13. Hope nobody ever tries these. The police seem singularly humorless when they're on the job. Must be the sugar from the donuts :-) Best to just "zip it." Anyway, loved these. Maybe you should call this "what to say if you want to surely land in jail!"

    • DzyMsLizzy profile image

      Liz Elias 4 years ago from Oakley, CA

      Hahahaha...can't stop laughing! Voted up and funny!

    • freecampingaussie profile image

      freecampingaussie 4 years ago from Southern Spain

      Thanks for the laugh! Will read them out to my husband later .

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Jeannie,

      Yes, those situations never go over well! LOL Glad you enjoyed it!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Molly,

      Yes, that is a funny one! :)

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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Cyndi,

      Yes, it is because of the Donuts! LOL Glad you thought it was funny!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Lizzy,

      Thanks, glad you had a good laugh!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Freecampingaussie,

      Thanks for your visit! Do indeed tell me what your husband thought of them! :)

    • GoForTheJuggler profile image

      Joshua Patrick 4 years ago from Texas

      My buddy said the words "speed trap" to a cop once, and he smoothly replied, "what's a speed trap, sir?" I was the only one in the car brave enough to laugh.

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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      GFTJ,

      Hahaha LOL, too funny! Thanks!

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      Rfordin 4 years ago from Florida

      Thanks for the early morning laugh!

      ~Becky

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      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Becky,

      You are welcome, glad you enjoyed it!

    • Jools99 profile image

      Jools99 4 years ago from North-East UK

      Ha Ha Josh - this was a laugh! It's nice to know that you don't declare any of these things in anger. I don't think the police will laugh but we all did :o)

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      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Julie,

      Thanks for stopping by, glad it made you laugh! I don't think they would laugh either! :)

    • HaleyMCruz profile image

      HaleyMCruz 4 years ago from California

      #13 made me laugh so bad! I've gotten warnings before by cops and if I said that I'm sure my poor car would be long gone by now. Thanks for the laugh, this was an idea I totally would have loved to write about :)

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      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Haley,

      Glad you found it funny Haley! Have a great day!

    • kimberlie33 profile image

      Kimberlie Kacan 4 years ago from Brooklyn, NY

      Too funny! Great hub, thanks for sharing.

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