4 Things to remember when going out - with me

In this life there are several things you shouldn’t do, unless of course you plan on writing about it later in life.  Well truly, I had no plans to write about it.   Since it happened I might as well tell you what not to do when you are having a night on the town with your good friend, particularly if you’re a female or going with me.  It’s amazing she still talks to me, and we are still friends.

When girls go out, they either have a really good time, or the worst time.  When I go out I go with the intention of having the best time imaginable.  Most folks go with me because I’m like a roller coaster, you just never know which way I’m gonna turn.  Jen is no exception, she likes going out with me, because I have no fear.  If I see someone I want to dance with, I’ll ask him.  If she sees someone she wants to dance with, I’ll go get him for her.  That night was no exception, I was on a roll.

I was all gussied up, looking my absolute best, feeling good about everything in general.  Jen was all prettied up as well, but not feeling as good about life as I was, I had every intention of changing this.

We headed off to the loudest, most rock and roll bar our town had to offer. Planet Rock. Many different, famous bands play at this bar, but tonight was the house band. I like to sit where the action is so I wound my way through the tables right up close to the dance floor, Jen hot on my heels. We each ordered a drink, I like light beer and Jen likes mixed drinks but wanted to start off easy. The waitress dropped off a couple glow sticks with our beers and they looked like fun. The glow sticks found in bars are small, but you pop them make them glow, and put them in your mouth. It gets you noticed.

The music was really loud and we had to holler to each other to be heard. I was scoping out the crowd to see who looked interesting. There were a couple of guys sitting at a table near us, they weren’t exactly dressed to impress in flannel shirts, but what the heck. They were someone to talk to so I hopped over to their table. Jen shortly followed. They bought us each a drink and we sat there for a bit, I even danced with one of them.

A crowd started happening in one area of the bar, tables were being pushed together as more people joined them. Ooo, that looked like fun! Being the social butterfly that I am I had to see what was going on, so over to that table I went. I sat for a bit, chatting with these nice folks. Come to find out they were ECW wrestlers. Huh, never heard of them. I was familiar with some of the other wrester types but not these. I asked them to explain. Apparently this was some form of Extreme wrestling. Well it all looked pretty extreme to me.

They kindly told me their wrestling names, Chilly Willy, Cowboy and a few others. I called Jen over to the table to introduce her to the guys. More were arriving to sit with us, this was going to be fun! We danced with several of them at various times, all having fun. Jen being single got a lot of attention, particularly from Chilly Willy. At one point we all got on the dance floor and did some sort of chain type dance, now that was some fun! They were quite liberal with their drink purchases and of course I was quite willing to accept whatever was offered. Beer and shots were ordered and drank by all. Nobody was feeling any pain by this time. Drinking and dancing, my kind of night!

One of the wrestlers decided to show me just how extreme he was. I admit now that I probably shouldn’t have even agreed to watch him, but curiosity got the better of me. I really don’t exactly remember how this came about, there might have been a dare involved, but the next thing I knew he had whipped his penis out. He took his lighter and decided to burn the end of it. After I have had a few drinks my tongue will get a little loose, and I can’t always control what comes out. I may have mentioned something to the effect of there not being much there, and he probably shouldn’t burn off what he did have. Lucky for me he did have a good sense of humor, but he still decided to burn it. No matter what I said to try to dissuade him, he insisted on it to prove how extreme he was.

Jen and I were invited back to their Hotel to hang out and party some more with them, I thought it sounded like fun. Jen had other thoughts (good thing) I think that now, I probably wouldn’t have liked their idea of a ’tag team’ since those words were used a lot.

It was getting close to closing time, the music had stopped and people were milling about talking before it was actually time to leave.  There was a fairly nice looking fellow that came up to talk to us.  Since I was in the match making mood, I just knew I had to find a guy for Jen.  He started talking about an ‘after bar party’, since I had never been to one and we weren’t going back to the hotel, this sounded like a plan to me. 

I had heard of ‘after bar parties’, apparently they are for people who still want to party after the party is over.  Someone’s house is selected as planned before going out, with preparations of a crowd being present.   Jen got directions and we headed out for more fun.   We arrived to the house and parked somewhere on the street, there were a lot of people coming to this party.  They had a bonfire burning out back, beer in the coolers and other unmentionables that I do not partake in. 

Joe was there and he was the guy with whom I wanted to hook Jen up with.  I made plenty of opportunity for them to talk.  I noticed the guys in the flannel shirts were there so I decided to talk to them for a while.  We sat out by the bonfire talking, they seemed nice enough.  Names?  Maybe Dennis, I’m not sure, it wasn’t like I was gonna marry either one of them.  My job was to get Jen a guy, and I was doing a pretty good job at that.

I did have to use the bathroom, I went in there and to my surprise apparently my daughters had been there first, because there was no toilet paper. Ok, I’m joking, my daughters weren’t there, but if one only knew the toilet paper issues I have at my house!

Things started winding down after a couple of hours and we decided it was time to leave. I made sure Jen and Joe exchanged phone numbers, my job wouldn’t be complete without that!

Well Jen and Joe ended up marrying within in 7 months.  I can’t say it was a match made in heaven because they divorced 3 long years later.  Joe wasn’t exactly the nice guy he portrayed to my alcohol befuddled mind.

Every now and then Jen and I talk of going out to the bar, but somehow as it happens, both of us find excuses not to go.  I like my friend and I want to keep her, she no longer trusts my judgment, can’t say as I blame her.  Besides, I’m hiding from that ECW guy, it probably took him a week to pee without it hurting.

What are the things you shouldn’t do?

1.  Don’t go out with me, unless you plan on a new relationship (that could possibly end badly, not my fault mind you)

2.  Don’t offer me shots of any kind.  Beer is good enough

3.  Don’t let me go off with strangers. (Thanks Jen, I owe ya!)

4.  Don’t let me ‘dare’ someone to do anything, I will think about it forever and regret it.

I’m sure there are more things that one should remember when going out with me, but until we actually go out and I do something outrageous, you won’t know.