4 Horror Movies Like M3gan 2.0 That Have Numbers Embedded Into Its Title!

If you saw M3gan 2.0 opening weekend then you must have been all alone in the theater because it bombed after being crushed by Brad Pitt driving around in circles in F1 and Ralph Fiennes oiling up zombies while wearing his Conclave outfit in 28 Years Later.

After you and the four other people in the theater left you found you had a newfound obsession with horror movies with numbers embedded into their titles which is only slightly less unsettling that your obsession with (REDACTED) and Danielle Radcliffe is still pursuing legal action. It’s good to know that at least one of those obsessions is mostly legal and will not involve Daniel Radcliffe’s attorneys and (REDACTED) that puts Diddy’s Freak Offs to shame.

Read this list and be aware of four more horror movies with numbers embedded into the title and hold those demons at bay if only for a few more minutes.

"What does the fox say?”

His movies are so light and fluffy they’re practically mistaken for Garry Marshall’s. Danish button pusher and all around ray of motherf*cking sunshine Lars Von Trier’s 2009 art house horror movie starts with a toddler falling to his death, and would you believe that’s the cheeriest part of the entire movie.

If you know Von Trier’s work then you know there’s nothing subtle about it and you’ll either loathe it or love it. There is no in-between. Having written that, one does have to admire the fearless performances by Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg as the couple grieving the death of their child. Going along with the tradition of white people in horror movies He and She (yes, it’s one of those art films with character names like He and She) they decide to go to their cabin in the woods to work on their relationship and that goes about as well as you’d expect.

Featuring some of Von Trier’s most unsettling imagery (and some that just plain grosses you out), you admire the craftsmanship more than you actually like the movie. If you can stomach it that might count as some sort of victory. To paraphrase a familiar joke structure, “Some guys would rather make an arty horror movie that go to therapy”. Good thing Lars Von Trier worked everything out to make the super cheerful Melancholia two years later.

By the Numbers- 7. That’s 7 times you cringe while you expect some genitals to go not so gently.

For people of a certain age, this 80s vampire “classic” is the be all end all of 80s horror though watching it today it’s neither as funny nor as scary as your aunt and uncle remember, despite some excellent-for-its-time makeup FX.

A teenager named Charley looking like he’s in his 20s suspects his neighbor is a vampire and goes to odd lengths to prove himself right. It’s a solid setup for a vampire movie and a chance for Roddy McDowall to shine comically as the put upon TV host and cheekily named Peter Vincent. After all is said and done, Peter Vincent is what you remember and the argument could be made that he’s the main reason Fright Night’s been in horror fans’ memories for the better part of the past 40 years (as of this writing). Its 2011 remake is equally fun if one takes off the 80s nostalgia goggles.

You do wish that director Tom Holland’s proposed sequel taking place decades later would have made it to the big screen, but you’ll have to settle for its 1988 sequel. Cool enough, Brewster.

By the Numbers- 25. That’s how old the “teenagers” in this movie look.

Director Ben Wheatley’s hitman drama/folk horror features some of the most out-of-let-field twists this side of Malignant. If you saw it with fresh eyes back in 2011, you might have wondered if you watched almost three separate movies that just happened to have the exact same cast.

It begins like most of these thrillers do, with a couple of hit men (MacReady and Childs) taking contracts because they need the money, All they have to do is kill three people and all their problems will be solved and all their dreams will come true.

Featuring a polarizing ending that might be much more memorable than a conventional one, Kill List is a movie best seen cold. You might not like it any more or less, but part of the fun of watching it is hearing yourself say “What the f*ck” every 15 minutes as the plot takes a much darker turn that you’d expect. It’s a movie that yes, makes you almost feel bad for violent hitmen.

By the numbers- 96. How many times during a 95-minute movie you wonder what the f*ck the actors are saying.

A horror movie based on a video game from the director of…Shazam. No wonder you skipped this in theaters and it’s no wonder you will continue to skip this on streamers until you’re in your dentists’ office undergoing a procedure that requires Novocain but they just ran out so they make you watch Until Dawn because your dentist knows you’ll be asleep after about 20 minutes. Unfortunately, being bored to tears and losing consciousness from watching a bad horror movie does not numb the pain of oral surgery and 10 minutes after you’re bored asleep you wake up screaming but at least the agony is distracting you from remembering you sat through Until Dawn and maybe you should vet your dentists a little better.

Something, something stupid characters whose names we won’t remember are forced to die in different ways while reliving the same day, but different deaths over and over and over and there are many times you wish Until Dawn would be over so you can get on with the regret of watching this.

Until Dawn does for video game adaptations what Cats did for Broadway musical adaptations.

By the Numbers- 12. The number of minutes you watch before your first yawn. Maybe it should have been called After Yawn.

Numbers are the new letters.