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5 Things That May Cause Weight Gain

Updated on September 19, 2012

Yes, you might gain weight.

1. Cheeseburger

Cheeseburgers represent one of nature's most perfect foods, but perfection carries a caloric cost. Don't expect to fit into a size 4 if you eat these things at every meal, even if you park way out in the parking lot and take the stairs instead of the elevator. Combining cheese, cow, and bread sets the standard for hand-meals regardless of what Taco Bell might tell you in their incessant commercials. Think inside the bun and you will gain weight.

2. Fritos

  • Corn
  • Salt
  • Oil

That's it. That's the list. American Made from American Products. Indulge in mass quantities of Fritos, but swing by WalMart to pick up another pair of XXL overalls. You will experience weight gain in all the wrong places. You will eternally carry your Fritos with you, subcutaneously.

3. Lard

Unwillingly provided by nature's animals, lard offers a straightforward no-holds barred unequivocal path to weight gain. Dip your Fritos in it for an extra kick toward obesity. Add a layer of it to your cheeseburger, onto which you have stacked the Fritos particles left in the the bottom of the bag. Lard is probably the most adaptable of the weight-gaining things listed in this list.

4. Butter with Popcorn

Minimum wage counter clerks couldn't very well hand you a stick of butter in an otherwise empty tub: the popcorn provides a much-needed delivery system. Plain popcorn is about as interesting as a rice cake wrapped in a lettuce leaf on top of a TV tuned to MSNBC. Popcorn slathered in real dairy butter stimulates taste buds into convincing brain cells that life really isn't all that bad. Ignore that popping sound - it's the seams on your pants, but that's why the theater is dark in the first place.

5. Water

According to Wiki.Answers.Com, which is rarely wrong about this type of thing, a US gallon of water weighs 8.35 pounds. Drinking 1.197605 gallons of water will indisputably result in 10 pounds of weight gain. We humans need water to stay alive: I have seen too many episodes of Man vs Wild and Dual Survival and Man and Woman vs Wild to miss this crucial point of survival.


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    • lucybell21 profile image

      Bonny OBrien 5 years ago from Troy, N.Y.

      I need to gain some weight, as I am not a big eater, but I do love corn chips.

    • The Frog Prince profile image

      The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX

      Life is good :)

      The Frog

    • Efficient Admin profile image

      Efficient Admin 5 years ago from Charlotte, NC

      I love me some Fritos and a good cheeseburger. If you make a homemade cheeseburger does it still count towards calories? I try not to eat those foods, except in moderation, and then they had to go ahead and build a Five Guys Burger joint 3 miles from my house.......

    • kimberlie33 profile image

      Kimberlie Kacan 5 years ago from Brooklyn, NY

      Wow! Thanks for the reminder! I was on my way to get a cheeseburger for lunch, but I think I just changed my mind...

      But water? That's disappointing. I've usually increased my water intake when dieting and found that it helps the pounds come off. I had no idea it could have the opposite effect too!

    • Austinstar profile image

      Lela 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      I loves me some Fritos! Put some chili and onions and yes, cheese, on top and you have some mighty fine pie. Eliminating the bread should count for making the dish 'diet friendly', right?

      Of course, you have to wash it down with fattening water dammit. I got it! Substitute the water with a 16 ounce coca cola and you've created the perfect weight loss solution. Eat this once a month and fast the rest of the month. It could work.

    • greeneryday profile image

      greeneryday 5 years ago from Some tropical country

      Wow I should stop buying fritos now, I know cheeseburger contains a lot of calories, and I think water indeed contributes to weight gain, but it does not develop fat as a matter of fact drinking plenty of water can improve your metabolism which eventually helps you shed off some weight. Anyway thank you for sharing...

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      How did I miss this paean to lard? Forgive me.

    • Missy Mac profile image

      Missy Mac 5 years ago from Illinois

      I just walked to lose 130 pounds. Finding the perfect diet is difficult because I have several allergies. I make turkey burgers with a slice of cheese and pickles. (Less than 350 calories). I have learned that everything you eat should be portioned to a diet. You are correct about water. I drink a gallon each day. As a diabetic, I crave water. Thanks for the informative article.