5 Things That May Cause Weight Gain
Yes, you might gain weight.
Cheeseburgers represent one of nature's most perfect foods, but perfection carries a caloric cost. Don't expect to fit into a size 4 if you eat these things at every meal, even if you park way out in the parking lot and take the stairs instead of the elevator. Combining cheese, cow, and bread sets the standard for hand-meals regardless of what Taco Bell might tell you in their incessant commercials. Think inside the bun and you will gain weight.
That's it. That's the list. American Made from American Products. Indulge in mass quantities of Fritos, but swing by WalMart to pick up another pair of XXL overalls. You will experience weight gain in all the wrong places. You will eternally carry your Fritos with you, subcutaneously.
Unwillingly provided by nature's animals, lard offers a straightforward no-holds barred unequivocal path to weight gain. Dip your Fritos in it for an extra kick toward obesity. Add a layer of it to your cheeseburger, onto which you have stacked the Fritos particles left in the the bottom of the bag. Lard is probably the most adaptable of the weight-gaining things listed in this list.
4. Butter with Popcorn
Minimum wage counter clerks couldn't very well hand you a stick of butter in an otherwise empty tub: the popcorn provides a much-needed delivery system. Plain popcorn is about as interesting as a rice cake wrapped in a lettuce leaf on top of a TV tuned to MSNBC. Popcorn slathered in real dairy butter stimulates taste buds into convincing brain cells that life really isn't all that bad. Ignore that popping sound - it's the seams on your pants, but that's why the theater is dark in the first place.
According to Wiki.Answers.Com, which is rarely wrong about this type of thing, a US gallon of water weighs 8.35 pounds. Drinking 1.197605 gallons of water will indisputably result in 10 pounds of weight gain. We humans need water to stay alive: I have seen too many episodes of Man vs Wild and Dual Survival and Man and Woman vs Wild to miss this crucial point of survival.