6 Terrible Things That Will Make Your Professor Feel Sexually Confused
*This article is purely for comical relief purposes only, not meant to be taken seriously or be offensive.
There is nothing better than an old school practical joke of sexually confusing the man who could potentially fail you out of college. Whether he is straight, gay, bi, pan or any other variation of sexual orientation, are you able to mask his certainty with a hint of doubt? Are you trying to trick your professor into a night in bed with you? Or maybe just gather up some good blackmail for those failing grades. Regardless the reason, you will find yourself wondering how exactly to make this straight man or woman lose their ambitions and become sexually confused.
What does it mean to make your professor sexually confused though? Well, put simply, you are making them question their own sexuality. Breaking them from their straight ways, dropping the gay bug in their mind, resulting in them potentially doing things they wouldn't normally do... or they end having an identity crisis.
The Main Goal
The main goal of this course of action is a combination of curiosity and boredom to see if you are able to make someone question their sexuality. Once they are in a state of biconfusion, then the question is, are you able to sway their sexual preference in your favor? For a student, you are able to obtain many rewards from this. Better grades, class pet status (possibly in more than one way), decent blackmail, public humiliation, getting a bad professor fired. The possibilities are truly endless.
How to Make Your Professor Feel Sexually Confused:
So now we get down to the nitty gritty. How do you sexually confuse a straight professor? Well, the answers aren’t as hard as you think. The following is a list full of possible ways to make your professor feel sexually confused.
1. Target Weaknesses, Using that Psychology Education
Using the extensive knowledge of psychology that you have learned in class in between your naps and texting, you could easily manipulate your professor into having confusing thoughts on their own sexuality.
2. Party with the Pro
If you are looking for a morally questionable method, you could always lure your professor to a party, club, or anywhere alcohol exists. Get them nice and toasty, or roofie them, just get them out of their normal state of mind.
From there, have a friend in drag, or dress in drag yourself, and get as many 'bad' pictures that you can. Over time send the pictures to your profession with messages that hint at a wonderful night that he enjoyed, but doesn't remember. When sending email to professors like this, remember to create a fake email.
3. Reverse Psychology
The goal of this method is to leave your professor wondering “am I bisexual, gay, or straight?” by the time you walk away. This is very dependent on the type of professor you have. However, if they are the helpful type, strike up a conversation that hints that you are confused and need help on figuring out your bisexual confusion.
One concept is to say you took an “are you gay or straight quiz” on Facebook. Other forms include the bisexual test or gay test.
4. Let Go of Biphobia
It's 2018, let go of that biphobia and be yourself professor. Don't be scared of potential connections of the same sex. Convince the professor that it is normal to be bisexual in this day and age.
5.Sexually Scared, or Sexually Confused?
This is the ideal question to ask your professor. Combined with reverse psychology, you are able to transition a conversation from them believing they are helping you, to you helping them. Let's see if they are able to catch on.
6. Set Them Up
Like other normal functioning adults, professors tend to be sexually active too, as well as underpaid. So anonymously send coupons and gift cards to them for a local adult store. Watch the location to try and catch them showing up or checking out, then strike up a conversation about what they are getting, or you can just use what they are getting to hold over their head for a while.
Remember to make it look like a coincidence.
Whether you are trying to discover how to email your professor as a prank, get with your professor, embarrass them, or have dirt on them for different gains, you have several options to confusing them sexually. From Psychology to pharmaceuticals, you have options to making your professor think they are biconfused, or even gay.