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A Few Oddly Specific Trends I Find Annoying in Modern Hip-Hop

Updated on June 19, 2013

If you flip on the radio, blast your Pandora, or walk into any given department store, chances are you're hearing the same songs in all those places many, many times.Hey, that's perfectly natural and I totally get it; whatever the masses find most appealing at any given moment in time, is what dominates the airwaves.

But why is it that the following bloody donkeyshit is popular, and why do I have to listen to it all the damn time at everywhere I go?


Created in 1997, Auto-Tune is an audio processor that makes real-time corrections in the pitches of a singer's voice. In other words it helps people who can't sing become famous singers.
It can be, and so damn frequently is, used for voice distortion to make you, a famous rapper soaking up every drop of your 15 minutes, sound like a retarded sex robot with only one setting: Rape.

It's mind boggling how many major label rappers use this device, especially given the fact that it makes them all sound the same. I feel this only proves that these guys are not musical artists, but mere money-hungry attention whores.

Except Chris Brown, he just wants puppies (and plenty of women to punch in the face repeatedly.)
Except Chris Brown, he just wants puppies (and plenty of women to punch in the face repeatedly.)

Rapper showcases ruining the song

One of my main beefs with today's hip-hop is that most of the songs are about how great it is to be extremely rich and have sex with hundreds of beautiful women. I can't relate to that shit, and neither can any of the people who do like it. I don't get it, but at least I don't have to listen to it.

Except, these days, yes, yes I do have to. Why?

Because it's difficult to find a song by a talented singer (Beyonce, Shakira, Pink, etc.) that doesn't have a "featuring" cameo by some crappy rich douchebag rapper, like Kanye West or Chris ("I beat up women. How do I still have a career?!?") Brown.

It also seems to me that the majority of these cameos are by Ludacris, and he always announces his turn to rap with, "LUDA!" It's so damn stupid, how does anyone take that seriously? I usually just laugh at him.

But I digress.

Also, as icing on this proverbial cake, the addition of the rapper changes and ruins the entire flow of the song! It's strange to be hearing an upbeat love song from a singer with a great voice, then all of a sudden, "LUDA! I see you in the club, girl, I watchin' you dance, girl, I won't stop until those panties drop!!!" (I may have just made that lyric up, but the point remains the same,) Then it just goes right back to the lady singing something relatively sweet and pretty.
It throws me out of the song completely.

Also, I'm sorry, but I just can't masturbate to that.

Oh mama, oh mama, oh mama, oooooh....
Oh mama, oh mama, oh mama, oooooh....
Forget it, Katy, the moment has passed.
Forget it, Katy, the moment has passed.

Songs that specifically are about having sex with unavailable women (and sometimes men)

This one's strange.

Personally, I prefer the music I listen to have some meaning, some heartfelt message, or tell a relatable story in song form, and most mainstream hip hop is about

A) Being undeservedly rich, or
B) Picking up random chicks at the club to have sex with.

It's just not my thing, which is good, because many of the people who can relate to that have at least 1 illegitimate child.

But lately I have been noticing a new pattern forming, it's not just any girl at the club they want to give chlamydia to, no, they must have the girl who has a boyfriend. During the course of the song (Which one? Pick one, there's a lot.) the rapper will hound the girl to go home with him, usually by the allure of all the money he has, and by the middle of the song, she totally cheats on her poor bastard boyfriend.

The demand for "cheating slut songs" must be high because the sheer number of them is mind boggling, which is one reason I haven't given any titles in this article (The other reason being I don't want to inadvertently promote any of this crap.)

Oh, and guys, if you ever see your girlfriend jamming to these kinds of songs, dump her ass before she brings Lil Wayne's STD library home to you.*

*In her vagina, in case that wasn't clear enough.

To be fair; prison or rap fame were this guy's only 2 real options of getting laid. Prostitutes would even pull the "We reserve the right to refuse service" card on him.
To be fair; prison or rap fame were this guy's only 2 real options of getting laid. Prostitutes would even pull the "We reserve the right to refuse service" card on him.

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