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Aerobatics at DRBJ’s Fokk University

Updated on September 18, 2012

In Honor of DRBJ


Just like in the WWII movies, the small Cessna screamed spinning vertically towards the ground, turning around and around itself on its own axis. Its nose seemed determined to hit a very specific spot on the ground, a spot that Louis could not quite see from where he was standing, though he was not really particular as to the exact spot where the plane would crash and disintegrate. Business was bad and he could do with the insurance money, but he was still sweating as he counted turns and after the third turn,


“KOLOPAIDA!!!” he screamed the Greek word for “ARSE-HOLES!”.


Immediately after the fifth turn, just one hundred feet from the ground, the aircraft came out of its spin and flew in perfect straight and level format.


Louis was both relieved at avoiding the bad publicity of seeing himself plastered in all the newspapers next morning as the owner of the only flying school the Fokk University’s branch in Cyprus, and disappointed at loosing the insurance money.


“These two young shits will be the death of me” he said to his mechanic who was smiling quietly to himself.


Inside the aircraft Tom Culpepper was laughing delightedly, with a pleasure that he could only feel after one of these maneuvers. Oded Giveon sitting next to him yawned with meaning, while looking out of the window on his side of the tiny airplane.


“You shit!” Tom said still laughing. “You turned away just before I started the maneuver and admired the weather out of the window. I could have killed us and you would have known nothing about it!”


“Whoa, Genius, doing the stall-spin a few times doesn’t make you a Top Gun.” Oded yawned again affably. He was a man of equable temperament. “I was staring at the right wing and I could see every move you made that way.” He deigned to laugh this time.


“Ah.” Tom was too happy to feel embarrassed or to quibble. He simply enjoyed the adrenaline forcing the blood to parts of his body of which he had not previously been aware. “Let’s do it again.”


“You promised to buy lunch.”


“One more time and we’ll go for lunch.” When Oded nodded, Tom began to climb up to five thousand feet once more.


On reaching the right height, at straight and level flight, Tom pulled the throttle completely back and the airplane flew without power. Gradually he pulled the nose up until the stall warning sounded insistently. Tom glanced at Oded who smiled his agreement and Tom pulled the stick even further back, despite the now screaming emergency siren, deliberately stalling the aircraft and at the same time slamming his left foot on the left rudder pedal.


The plane jerked to the left and then gracefully turned over and its nose ended up facing the ground, while turning at the same time. For Tom the feeling was exhilarating. To him, it was not the plane turning, but the earth itself going round and round while it rushed up at him. The G forces on his arms and hands holding the stick made them heavy as lead and he could not move them even if he wanted to, so they kept in place by themselves. He felt the skin on his face going back on itself in waves and he began to count the turns. One, two, three -and three was the point at which he was supposed to come out of the spin, but Oded had showed him how to wait. Four, five and opposite rudder down, the right foot trying to drill a hole through the airplane floor with the right rudder pedal this time, the move bringing the craft our of the spin. Tom made the rudder pedals even and then let go of the stick, the plane’s shape and momentum ensuring a perfect straight and level flight for a few minutes even without engine power. When the speed indicator showed the ground speed to go below 110 miles, Tom pushed the lever forward until the speed went up to 120. He roared with the laughter of undiluted pleasure.


Dimitris Mita

De Greek

Landing at the small air-field was an adventure in itself. There were two runways, one going south to north and another one east to west, but Louis had run out of money after asphalting the south to north runway. The problem was that ninety percent of the time the wind came from the west, so to land safely on asphalt, the small planes would always have to do a crosswind landing, which was good experience for the pilots, but one that ensured the necessity of acquiring a very high level of skill. Tom came in from the south and as soon as he was past the high voltage electricity pylon crossing his path, he pulled back the throttle and put the nose down, watching the speedometer. At 80 miles per hour, he pressed left rudder and turned the stick in the opposite direction, so that the aircraft was falling towards the ground on its left wing, into the wind, while the nose of the craft pointed somewhere to the north-east. In this strange and ungainly posture the plane was kept in line with the runway, against the power of the wind and just a second before touching the ground, Tom straightened the aircraft allowing the left rear wheel to touch the ground first and simultaneously turned the nose to face the end of the runway. He slowly allowed the second rear wheel to touch the ground and then the nose wheel. It was a perfect crosswind landing, the result of learning to fly from that particular airfield.

Tom parked the airplane and they both jumped out, only to face Louis.

“How many times do I have to tell you? I will not have more than three spins! You will kill yourselves and I shall have to do a lot of explaining and a lot of paper work and I don’t like paper work.”

“Come on, Louis, why is it OK when YOU do it, then?”

“First of all because it’s MY Fokking airplane and second of all, because if I don’t come out of the spin I shan’t have to give anyone any explanations and I shan’t have to fill fifty different forms in triplicate. Now hand over the money and Fokk off.”

Tom paid the temperamental Greek with a smile. He was used to Louis’ moaning by now and knew that the insults were not meant to be taken seriously.

“Let’s go to Larnaca for lunch” he said to Oded.

"Fokk U Louis!" They both said in unison.

*************************************************************************************************

The above is an extract from the De Greek Novel, but we Great Authors feel the need to publish this here in honor of the brilliant DRBJ, whose humor is only exceeded by her intelligence and if you have not read her Hub ‘Fokk University’ you have missed a very clever piece of work. I urge you to go correct the omission forthwith.

Fokk U, DRBJ!

Dimitris Mita

De Greek

Comments

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    • De Greek profile imageAUTHOR

      De Greek 

      7 years ago from UK

      .

      Tony,

      You have put a smile on my face first thing in the morning and what could be better than that? :-))

      I am a weak man. I just had to show off my flying skills :-)))

    • tonymac04 profile image

      Tony McGregor 

      7 years ago from South Africa

      Well now, if you don't write any more fokking Hubs I just have to come back to the old ones and have another fokking good laugh. This is so brilliant. I am in awe - but don't let that go to your head now, will you?

      Keep your ose up and tail down for the landing and don't go stalling around all over the place - you might just lose the plot of the fokking novel - or whatever!

      Love and peace

      Tony

    • De Greek profile imageAUTHOR

      De Greek 

      7 years ago from UK

      That is kind of both of you Linda, thank you :-)

    • lindatymensky profile image

      lindatymensky 

      7 years ago

      I been trying to find you because ladyjane1 said you were a good writer. She's correct. I'm following you. Linda

    • De Greek profile imageAUTHOR

      De Greek 

      8 years ago from UK

      My regards to your brother Katie. Obviously a fellow pilot with similar inclinations as I :-)))

    • katiem2 profile image

      katiem2 

      8 years ago from I'm outta here

      My brother has two planes on which I have enjoyed taking flight with him...hmmmm I might think twice about it now. He refers to it as tossing that metal cylinder up in the air and see where we land. He's a bit of an adventurer. I knew you would put a book together, this is a fantastic snipit of one! Loved the read. Peace:)

    • De Greek profile imageAUTHOR

      De Greek 

      8 years ago from UK

      Hi Mystery, glad you could pass by. I hope that my story raised a smile :-)

    • mysterylady 89 profile image

      mysterylady 89 

      8 years ago from Florida

      Your hub's being a part of your novel came as a real surprise, but I enjoyed it. The closest I have come to experiencing anything close to this was when I went helicopter-hiking in Canada. The day I sat in the co-pilot's seat, the pilot pretended he was going to fly us into a mountain. He pulled up only at the very last second. Whew!

    • De Greek profile imageAUTHOR

      De Greek 

      8 years ago from UK

      Mulberry, what a nice thing to say :-) Thank you ..

    • mulberry1 profile image

      Christine Mulberry 

      8 years ago

      I just checked...my palms did get a bit damp. Good writing.

    • De Greek profile imageAUTHOR

      De Greek 

      8 years ago from UK

      "Vlok is just a spelling mistake" is fokking hilarious! Thank you for this! :-)))

    • tonymac04 profile image

      Tony McGregor 

      8 years ago from South Africa

      Fokking good read, Brother Dimitris, as usual! That university of note sure produces some great graduates!

      And now for a totally useless and possibly boring aside - during the mid-80s in South Africa, when we had a "State of Emergency" administered by Minister of Police, one Adrian Vlok (an Afrikaans "v" is pronounced like an English "f" and so the Afrikaans word for the famous English four-letter one is "vok"), a graffito appeared on a wall at the University of Cape Town: "Vlok is net 'n spel-fout (Vlok is just a spelling mistake)" which to me is one of the classic of many classic graffiti of the time! Told you it was boring and useless - the aside, I mean!

      Thanks for the many chuckles and the fokken good read.

      Love and peace

      Tony

    • MPG Narratives profile image

      Marie Giunta 

      8 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Happy to be a person of taste and discernment, De Greek! :)

    • De Greek profile imageAUTHOR

      De Greek 

      8 years ago from UK

      That’s what I like to see: A person of obvious taste and discernment :-)))

    • MPG Narratives profile image

      Marie Giunta 

      8 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      I would love to join you guys on the plane, sounds like great fun! De Greek, I'll let you know when I'm in England next and book a flight with you.

      Thanks for a fabulous read, hilarious and you did a great job incorporating Drbj's excellent hub. Fokking excellent to both of you.

    • De Greek profile imageAUTHOR

      De Greek 

      8 years ago from UK

      Spoil sport! :-)))

    • VioletSun profile image

      VioletSun 

      8 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      Ooops, read again, and yes, it was Tom, but I still won't get on the plane with either Tom or Louis! So there! LOL!

    • De Greek profile imageAUTHOR

      De Greek 

      8 years ago from UK

      - VioletSun you have hurt my feelings! Louis was on the ground child, not in the airplane!.......... :-))))))

      - Ken, we men of sensitivity do tend to become emotional at great and heroic events such as this. But what is there to be done? We must live with the superior and cultured cross that the Good Lord has seen fit to endow us with :-)))

      - Lorie, you have a fear of flying do you? Well, just one flight with me as the pilot and you shall never feel it again :-)))

    • lorlie6 profile image

      Laurel Rogers 

      8 years ago from Bishop, Ca

      This is all I needed, De Greek! A fearsome hub on my greatest phobia of all. Lordy!

      As for Fokk U., I'm still waiting to hear about my acceptance...I'm pretty sure I'm a shoe-in. I love matriculation, don't you? ;)

      Congrats on the book!

      Loved this, thanks.

    • saddlerider1 profile image

      saddlerider1 

      8 years ago

      You had the hair on my arms and neck sticking out as I plunged and rolled towards the ground with you in your Fokking Cessna. Wow what a ride I think I peed my pants when the Gforces pulled my bladder inside out.

      You made BJ proud and I am forever grateful for being given an aeronautical lesson on the fine art of flying. Now I will head down the Fokkin road apiece with my feet planted firmly on the ground not wrapped around my Fooking head in the air:0)) Thanks for the laugh you little Fokker, now go Fokkin fly away. LOL

    • VioletSun profile image

      VioletSun 

      8 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      Another fine piece of charming writing, but don't think I would want to be on the plane with Louis! Wow, read your comments, you are at 22,000 words already? Yikes, I better get to work on my book, its been three years I have been writing it in bits!

    • De Greek profile imageAUTHOR

      De Greek 

      8 years ago from UK

      .

      - Hi there FP :-)) - I am now at 22,000 words on teh De Greek Masterpiece and going strong. In another 35 years it should be ready for my public :-)))

      - Good to meet you Quicksand. We Great Authors have become so by an accident of nature. Deep down inside we are simply driven by our wish to teach and to educate :-)))

      - Insane Person, I would have expected you to be the one to want to go flying with me. Now I am urprised and disappointed! But at least you do your post graduate degree at Fokk U. :-)))

    • akirchner profile image

      Audrey Kirchner 

      8 years ago from Washington

      I'm terrified of flying and have been termed not the frequent flyer but the 'freako' flyer - nonetheless, your antics (as usual) make me laugh hysterically. I love that you incorporated BJ's wonderful piece Fokk U - a place I wish I could call my alma mater. Oh wait - I think transfer credits are available from the School of Hard Knocks or better known as SHK (when you chant it, it sounds like you have a mouth full of marbles). Great piece as always and love your recurring character references!

    • quicksand profile image

      quicksand 

      8 years ago

      Today I had my very first online lesson in Greek. I prefer to learn one word at a time. Thank you very much sir, you have a knack for teaching languages! :)

    • profile image

      Feline Prophet 

      8 years ago

      Glad to get another peek at the great De Greek novel! And now I'm off to read drbj's hub! :)

    • De Greek profile imageAUTHOR

      De Greek 

      8 years ago from UK

      - hafeezrm, thank you for passing by. I hope that you will also comment on drbj's site about this clever article of hers :-)

      - Hello, thank you :-))

      - drbj, this culture of taking everyoine and his uncle to court over small details, is taking thigs too far and has to stop. Poor Louis is just trying to make a buck - Thnaks for visiting :-))

      - Pamela, you are missing a great feeling! Thank you for passing by :-))

      - MartieCoetser, what a nice compliment! Thank you :-) And I hope that you will enjoy drbj's original story about Fokk U :-))

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 

      8 years ago from South Africa

      De Greek, this is an excellent piece of writing. You’ve got me right in that plane, making me hold my breath, fear for my life... Please tell Louis I will never-ever talk to him again, for he is totally crazy! :)))))) Well done, sir!

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 

      8 years ago from Sunny Florida

      DeGreek, What a great story but I sure wouldn't want to be in the plane.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      8 years ago from south Florida

      Dear Mr. De Greek, Esteemed Fokk U Graduate:

      Please be advised that several corrections must be made to your above-written discourse or our diligent Legal Department has advised us to take appropriate action against Louis X, who operates our Fokk University Flying School, Aerodrome and Parking Lot branch in Cyprus.

      1. Louis has been known to portray himself as the owner of said enterprise but he is in fact only one of the "little people," a mere employee.

      2. Louis is putting our prestigious university at risk by allowing flying students to practice stalls and other dangerous maneuvers over populated areas.

      We are mindful of the honor you convey with this dedication but cannot afford to be associated with such rascals and scalawags as the aforesaid Louis whom we are relieving of duty this date. His pink slip is in the mail.

      We remain, Yours truly,

      Fokk U

    • Hello, hello, profile image

      Hello, hello, 

      8 years ago from London, UK

      Thank you for an ingteresting read.

    • hafeezrm profile image

      hafeezrm 

      8 years ago from Pakistan

      Nicely described. You have a way with English language.

      Thanks for sharing. I have gone through Fokk university as well.

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