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American Idol Top 5

Updated on June 5, 2011

When Ryan said the contestants would be tackling some of the most difficult songs in American culture, I was afraid he meant gems like "Proud to be an American." Hey, they're difficult to listen to, so that coulda been it. I shudder at the thought! It's funny he also implied that the contestants were assigned two voting numbers because of the high volume of calls last week. Of course, it wasn't because it happens every year for the Top 5. That would just be ludicrous (which I only knew how to spell like the rapper because I ingest too much pop culture and not enough Hemingway). The show pays for those phone numbers, so why not use them?

Luckily, instead of "American the Beautiful," Seacrest was referring to the great American standards from the Rat Pack era. That's a much better choice. Leave it to Kris Allen to point out that all members of the Rat Pack are dead. Did he have to look that up? Poor young, sweet, handsome child....

When selecting a mentor for this week, the producers considered singers, songwriters, musicians, and actors. Hmmm. Yeah, I know Jamie Foxx is also a singer but at the end of the day, we all know he's got a movie to promote. The Soloist, anyone? He was kind enough to point it out during the results show for anyone who hasn't been to the movies in the past YEAR. It gets my vote for most over-played trailer, ever. On Idol, however, they ran down Jamie's resume justifying why he should be the mentor. At least in the movie is promoting, he plays a musician. That's a bonus. It's not like it was Kevin James promoting Paul Blart or anything. Honestly, I have to hand it to Jamie--he was great as a mentor. Now if only The Soloist wasn't getting such terrible reviews. Yeah, moving on.

At this stage, everyone is going to sing really well. The judges aren't wrong when they say that this is a crazy-talented group of people. So, personalities are going to come into play big time. This week the question was: which direction did Anoop and Lil voters swing?

Kris started the night off way better than most of those other turdbombs could have. His rendition of "The Way You Look Tonight" was off the heezy. First of all, who doesn't love that song? It's like Sara Lee. But it was shocking to hear that Kris is Jamie's number one. Who knew the Foxx was susceptible to those puppy dog eyes? That was crazy out of left field when he offered to work with Kris if Idol doesn't work out for him. On the negative, I'm not a fan of my boy K's budding stashe. Did he take a cue from Anoop? It didn't matter because I was swooning during his performance and as a general rule, I don't swoon. I wasn't sure about speeding it up in the middle, but it worked as a throwback to the original. I didn't get what Simon meant when he called Kris "wet." This is why British people shouldn't be on American reality shows. When in America, speak American! Just kidding, I love Simon and his tight little t-shirts. Tasty!

Allison is finally 17, and they've started dressing her like a normal person. I'm convinced Randy reads my blog, since *I* said she looked like Britney Murphy last week. Stop stealing my flava, dawg! I kinda thought Allison would get on Jamie's nerves, but even if she did we wouldn't be able to tell. The dude has an Oscar, after all. I actually liked that she didn't overwhelm "Somebody to Watch Over Me" with her rasp. It shows she can do a ballad without over-trying to make it "rock." It's interesting that she's Simon and Paula's dark horse, and Kris is Randy and Kara's. Personally, I was shocked she wasn't in the bottom three this week. I was on Simon's side, and we were both wrong this week. Earthquakes, swine flu, and now this? It's the apocalypse.

I wasn't all that surprised that "My Funny Valentine" turned out to be Matt's swan song. It definitely wasn't his best performance. It's getting down to the wire and he really didn't bring his A-game. He wasn't my pick to go home, since I enjoy most of his performances, but he was towards the bottom of my list. I'm sad I don't know anything about keys/I'm tone-deaf because I couldn't tell if he took Jamie's advice or not. I thought the splash of R&B Matt threw in there was groovetastic. The last note was pretty killer on Tuesday night. Alas, another one bites the dust.

The interactions between Danny and Jamie were kind of awkward to watch in a hilarious sort of way. It was strange that Jamie chose to reference Michael Mann, who directed him in Miami Vice. He does realize that movie was a bust, right? I haven't seen it, so it could be a hidden gem and I'm the moron here. Anywho, back to Danny's "Come Rain or Come Shine." All I can say is, I'd let him be true to me! The beginning made me blush and I was jamming out to the bluesy Tabasco sauce he threw in towards the end. He definitely has a signature style with the way he slowly builds a song from the beginning and takes you the church by the final note. He just needed an Oscar winner all up in his grill to make it sultry this go-round. I also really dug his outfit with his hot little tie, but then again, I'm a pervert.

When Adam was onscreen, my non-Idol-watching roommate walked in and asked, "Is that a Jonas Brother?" That was too funny to keep to myself. Anyway, I'll give ol' Lambert a point for putting Jamie's ego in check for a second. The sly Foxx actually said "You don't care who I am" after Adam sang for him. That's just one teeny-weeny step away from trying to get a free hamburger at McDonald's with "Do you know who I am?" Adam put on his usual drag queen show, complete with trademark banshee howl. I say drag queen because I actually pictured him in a dress. There's a difference between dramatic and theatrical, and Adam was the latter. At least he made Paula feel so good she compared him to Michael Phelps. Too bad he still won't make out with her. I can't lie and say I wasn't pleased to see him in the bottom two, but that will probably force his fans to surge next week.

My personal order based on this week's performances:

Danny Gokey

Kris Allen


Allison Iraheta

Matt Giraud

Adam Lambert


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