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American Idol Top 9

Updated on March 15, 2011

Seacrest's openings keep getting more and more dramatic. The contestants are competing for their dream, and it means everything to them. We get it. Let ‘em sing! At least the show is down to an hour and a half because there really isn't room in my tolerance for another half-hour riddled with commercial breaks!

Anoop looks insane when he sings songs with "attitude." This includes Usher's "Caught Up" which lacked the energy needed to really sell it. As Randy said, Usher is a singer/dancer, and that's what a lot of his songs call for. Anoop is definitely a good singer and did the song justice in that sense, but the rest was just blah. I also did not like the way he responded to the judges. Their opinions are more than just their opinions, they're trying to help you, fool. Luckily, he improved his attitude by the results show, or I was gonna have to karate chop him! (That's just how I roll.)

At least Anoop did better than Megan with "Turn Your Lights Down Low." It seemed like she couldn't hear the music and she was all kinds of off. This was pretty surprising because I expected her to be able to rock this one. The last few notes sounded like a machine which freaked me out a bit. Even weirder, though, was how she acted on the results show. What was up with the bird act? Obviously the other contestants like her since she kept reminding them to call her. Did she forget they'll be on tour together this summer? I didn't think the Megan vs. Simon snip-fest was that big of a deal. The whole veto thing is a joke anyway. They know who they'd use it on and who they won't, and it has nothing to do with how they sing on the results show. It was like Megan forgot the words towards the end of the song during her performance anyway. See ya!

On the other end of the spectrum, is my love, Danny. I would call Rascal Flatts Country-Pop, and not just Country. Anywho, Danny's "What Hurts the Most" was phenomenal and I really dug the accompaniment. He pulls at the heart strings--and I have a heart of stone--and that's where he thrives. Genre doesn't matter, as long as the lyrics mean something (which doesn't mean they have to be devoid of fun like Scott's choices). I'm not a huge fan of Rascal Flatt's nasally big notes, but I loved Danny's big man-rasp. That sounds inappropriate. Oh well.

It's crazy to think that Allison literally grew up listening to "Don't Speak." Was she like 2 when that song came out? However, there's nothing more insane than her hair. She looked like she escaped from a mental institution in 1984. That doesn't look good on anyone, and in this case, it was incredibly distracting. She looked like the chick in the prom band in the movie, Better Off Dead. Trust me. Why was she nervous about playing the guitar when she only played like 2 notes?

Scott choosing a Billy Joel song was pretty wise, I'd say. "Piano Man" would have been cleverer and fun than "Just the Way You Are," but he did much better than his usual snooze-fest. I kinda liked this performance, and it's definitely a step in the right direction. Kara was really into his makeover. I, on the other hand, thought his hair looked nuts! At least they didn't put him in salmon-colored pants this week. How considerate.

Matt Giraud comes across as being slightly awkward in interviews. He's just a big geek dressed in a Justin Timberlake costume. Every time he sings a song he likes, such as "You Found Me," the judges pan him for it. I liked it and I'm not sure why they hated it so much. That sound-alike business was crazy-talk. It wasn't phenomenally mind-blowing or anything, it was just middle-of-the pack. Maybe the judges get frustrated with that level from him because they think he can do so much more. They really want him to be the next Elliot Yamin and he just wants to rock out a little. What a conundrum.

Kara is either psychic, or has some pull with the voters. She said Megan should go home and Matt deserves to stay. Guess what happened. Look out, Simon, she might take your place as the most influential judge! It's because she's hotter than him.

Why did Lil pick the most random Celine Dion song? I don't even think I'd ever heard it before. I liked Lil's performance a lot better the second time I watched it. That dress was an interesting (read: not good) choice. She has got some serious junk-in-the-trunk (I'm jealous) and that dress was not complimentary. The judges ask her to sing Mary J. Blige every week, when will she give in? Oddly, I have to agree with Queen Crackhead Paula, I don't want to hear an adult contemporary Lil! Her kids were the best part of the show. It was too adorable how her little girl was supposed to go punch Randy and she just hugged him (and apparently didn't let go until well into commercial).

I sincerely wish Adam would stop playing that funky music. Sigh. STOP SCREAMING AT ME! He does weird crap with his tongue when he does his little screech that gives me nightmares. I can say that I like his Elvis hair better than his man-bangs, but he looks like a vampire. I think his arrangement of "Play that Funky Music" made it harder to dance to, which is not the direction he was trying to head, I'm sure. I wish he would just go win Tonys on Broadway and stop wasting my American Idol time. I can't believe the Pill Popper compared him to Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler. Drink some more "Coke-a-Cola," sweetheart.

I almost wish that Kris Allen and Danny Gokey were in different seasons because I can't split my love equally enough. "Ain't No Sunshine" is an unbelievable great song and Kris's version was bombtastic. The arrangement was sick and his mini-orchestra on stage with him blew my mind. Amazing. He is more than a singer or a performer, he's a musician. Mad respect, Mr. Hottie Pants!

Here's the dwindling list (in order of my favorite to the bottom feeders):

Danny Gokey

Kris Allen

I am separating them because they weren't in the same league this week.

Matt Giraud

Scott Macintyre

Lil Rounds

Anoop Desai

Allison Iraheta

Adam Lambert

Megan Corkery


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