An Embarrassing Trip to The Movie Theater
A True Story
One Saturday afternoon I finally decided to go to a movie I had been waiting to see. I dug through the closet to find the phone book and went to the couch to sit down. It was a fairly new couch covered in tan micro-suede. When I sat down I heard a noise that reminded me of the sound corduroy pants make when you walk. Looking down I noticed I had sat down where two cushions met so I stood up and sat down again. I heard the same noise so I figured it was the cushions rubbing together. The recording at the theater said the next showing was in 30 minutes. If I wanted to see the movie today I had to leave this very second. It was a nice summer day but I quickly grabbed a jacket before leaving because some theaters can be a little chilly.
When I arrived the parking lot was relatively full so I parked a fair distance away. The main entrance to this particular theater is located in the center of an outdoor mall. On the corner there is a coffee shop and a few restaurants where people were dining outside. Benches strung throughout the mall were filled with people. Kids screamed and laughed as they chased each other around the planters. It was the perfect afternoon, not too hot and not too cold.
Standing 6' tall I have fairly long legs and a quick stride. Walking to the theater doors I politely passed a gentleman and two boys who were about 7 years old. When I reached the door to the theater I stopped to hold the door for the man and two boys. The boys entered first and the man stopped to quietly say "mam, the back of your pants are ripped". I quickly reached behind to feel my bottom and felt a bare butt. Of course this would be a day I chose to wear a thong.
My mind began to race. What should I do standing here with my bottom hanging out? I dreaded passing all those people again if I were to head to the car to leave. Surely any laughter they contained before would definitely come out with a second glance. How many people standing in line at the theater already knew? After my initial panic my brain began to work again and I remembered the jacket. I quickly tied it around my waist and took my chances in the theater line. Luckily no one laughed and the dark theater became the perfect hiding spot from embarrassment.
When I returned home and took off the khaki pants I bought 2 weeks ago, I discovered they were ripped from the waistband to the crotch. No wonder I only felt a bare butt, the whole thing was exposed! Thinking of the 2 boys I passed I was thankful they didn't blurt out a genius expression kids are known for. Most of the friends who have heard this story are puzzled that I didn't feel some sort of breeze when I walked. If the temperature outside had not been perfect I think I would have.