Angel Michael's Secrets - Why "End it All?" - Part Seven
Angel Michael Lived Many Lives. So do we...
Heaven Leigh Introduction
At times the magic of channeling can feel more like a hurricane in your head than a gentle guide. When others are hurting or deeply troubled, I sometimes take on these feelings too. It is a challenge to know what to tune into, and what to avoid, or how to avoid. That is not fun or easy. Because of my personal preferences, I guess I "will" the melt-down experiences to pretty much occupy one day - and then I must get back up and move on. There have been two such days recently, that felt indescribably painful, so much so that I felt I would just fade away from this world. One such day happened on December 1st of this year. The other one was May 2, 2012.
I have been struggling to make any sense of this. Both dates involve suicides of famous people whom I didn't personally know. I didn't even actively follow their careers. Still, without realizing it, as they made their choices to leave this earth in a dramatically violent way, I picked up on this energy and felt the pull to leave as well. I was bed-ridden and in tears both days.
Maybe this is too much information to share, yet I feel that if I do share it may help others who are contemplating suicide. Suicide is not the end of your world. It is only the beginning. There is absolutely no point in it, except as a painful and profound mark that you will carry on your soul into eternity, and possibly, if you choose, into your next physical life on earth. And that next physical life may start the moment that you take your life in your present one. Please don't do it. It would not be the end of your suffering. You would simply return to learn why it wasn't helpful to leave this earth in that way. I understand your pain. I truly do. You see, I, for some reason have been given the "sight" or knowledge to know clearly of my most recent past life.
Suicide is just another beginning...you have to start all over again...
I know exactly who I was. I don't know why I know. I don't know if it is a privilege or a burden. At times it seems like both.
I was murdered by indifference. Other people didn't care how much pain I was in, only what they could get from me, or what they could lose if I spoke of them, or what they could lose if I really told my story. Those people are gone from those lifetimes now. They gained nothing by being cruel to me. Their indifference to my pain was their own undoing. There is no one left to "blame." It is all within the circle of life, and believe me, it is a continuous circle.
I couldn't endure the life I had made for myself anymore. It felt as if my head and heart would explode for being filled with loneliness. I thought that I was living my dream. The dream soon turned to a nightmare, and it is a most hopeless feeling to think that when you achieve your highest pinnacle of aspiration you are still sad, lonely, confused and empty inside.
So I faded away. Was I threatened? Yes. Was I literally forced by someone else's hand other than my own? No. Not literally. I couldn't stand the pain. I thought death would end it. It does NOT. If you are contemplating this, please seek help. Seek understanding. Seek peace through tuning into your eternal purpose.
I just came right back. Leaving solved nothing. In this lifetime, presently, I find myself learning the same damn things all over again. I find myself wanting to leave the pain all over again. I realize that famous and obscure alike must deal with the same pain. It is loneliness, the deep tormenting feeling of not being understood, or not being heard in this world. Why do we covet fame? It is only a more exposed form of loneliness.
It is easier for me to understand why I so deeply tune into Michael than it is for many others. That is not to say that I tune into him more deeply than others do. I highly respect the other Michael Earth Angels that belong to his spirit, and he to theirs. I will let him explain this more. It is the reason why I am here to help them deal with their grief, while I learn how to cope with my own. There are other helping angels who do this too. I thank you all.
Did Michael have a hard time staying on this earth? Yes. He lived, as some call it, and the best way I can explain it, "in-between worlds." There is one other person I have communicated with who termed her life experience in this way too. I have been describing my life experience to my dearest friends, family, and confidants in this way for only the last 7 years or so. So I am fairly new to understanding this about myself. Yet it has always been.
I need to let Michael speak now. He rescues me from my own inner-turmoil. I pray that beyond your grief, beyond your sorrow, you will let him do this for you as well.
Angel Michael speaks...
Mayans, Mayans, Mayans. Why do we continually create "the end of the world" scenarios for ourselves as a people? Why do we give so much credence to those who do?
We want the world as we know it to end.
I wanted the world as you know it to end.
I wrote songs about this. I begged and pleaded with you to "Change the World."
The truth is, this world is constantly changing, with every single thought you have. Every feeling leads to a thought, that leads to a plan, that leads to an action, that leads to a manifestation of your feelings.
People who commit suicide think that they are ending their world. They are not. They are ending that phase of their learning, only to begin the next chapter. Sadly, those they leave behind in their life's structure will suffer for this decision. The loved ones left behind go into another phase of learning. It is a painful phase which they can choose to better themselves from, but it is a painful way to learn.
We all have a responsibility to each other. It would be best if we could learn, and help each other learn in painless ways. This is so seldom the case, yet it should be our goal.
The first thing Heaven Leigh said when she learned of my passing, the end of my Michael Jackson lifetime, was "Did he kill himself?"
The first thought she had was that I wanted to be free of the pain that my lifetime had dictated I endure. I created my life, though. I drew to me everything that happened. Yet I did it in a loving and innocent, maybe foolish at times, way.
I didn't find my soulmate. I would have ideally loved to have had many children of my own, and adopt many children from different countries. I ideally would have loved to have found my life partner to co-create this with me. Yet Peter Pan isn't allowed to have a wife, to be happy, to be normal. People want the story. They want the fantasy. They want a celebrity to provide a "larger-than-life" dream that they can wish and hope for too.
Then they all wish they could be as rich, as lucky, as talented, as famous.
Many of your celebrities self-destruct before your eyes because you build them up into impossible caricatures of real people. They never stop being real people. Yet they often self-implode because it is impossible to be the fantasy. They often become disillusioned with themselves, feel that no one understands them, and in fact this latter statement is very true. How can you understand someone who is trying to please everyone else by keeping their impossible fantasies alive?
I am not ONLY "Michael Jackson..."
I was Michael Joseph Jackson, but I was never only MICHAEL JACKSON!!!!!!!!!! (The one fans screamed and fainted over). Or should I say that "he" was not the deepest part of myself. I own my work. I own my talent, of course. Yet I lived a double-life. Oh no, it's no scandalous revelation. I lived the life on stage. One life. Then I lived the life of a fun-loving, child-like, in-between worlds spirit, looking for love and understanding just like you. You see we ALL live in-between worlds. We all love to have fun. We are all childlike. Yet we do not all embrace this. Many tune it out, are fearful of the tenderness in their own personalities. Societal pressures and stereotypes have told you not to be feminine if you are a man. Don't be too strong if you are a woman! That's bullshit. You fear what you should embrace and you embrace what you should fear.
Two by two, me and you...
I've known you before. Yes, of course.
It's a great mystery, and yet a simple truth.
Live the life you are living. Appreciate every facet of it and every lesson to be learned. Learn with less pain when you surrender to the lesson. You learn faster. Heaven knows. She thinks her name is funny. Out of step with normal names. It was given to her. She didn't take it on, and yet she drew it to herself. A name is a beautiful tool. If you don't like yours - change it! There is much energy in the number of a name. My name is 7 and 7. (Not the drink)! ;) Michael and Jackson. Seven letters each. Heaven is 6 and 5. Eleven total. She changed the spelling of her second name through inspiration right after her daughter was born. Her daughter tuned into my spirit while I was walking around on your earth. She was just a baby. She was first drawn to my song "Heal the World." Why?
Jesus is quoted as saying, "Let the greatest among you be your servant."
Some would say that I was "the greatest."
I am your servant. I am your servant in that it will always be my greatest joy to help you. I tried my best. I got caught up in my own greatness at times, yes. I got carried away with the things money could buy. Yes. I thought it could help fill up something in me to fill my house with "things." They never made me feel better though. A spiritual ache inside can never be filled with things.
I knew I was passing spirit messages on to you. I knew my work was far deeper than the label "King of Pop" could describe. Yet when I tried to do my sweetest work - help the children, it was turned against me like a nightmarish twisting of the most beautiful work of art.
You cannot do that to a person and expect them to survive. The culmination of all I had done, the music, the dancing, the spectacle of all of that - was always to draw attention to my deeper message. Heal the children. Heal your world by taking the time to love and do things with your children. It's not all your fault. We don't need to assign blame at all. Just learn. I took on the most wonderful job. I was attacked for trying. I wasn't as strong as I wished to be. I didn't know how to recover and prove my true intentions after the hideous accusations that ripped through my soul. I felt that what people believed about me made my mission null and void. Then I kept getting back up and trying anyway. This is it was meant to help give my message all over again, since I had been a loving daddy, I thought you would understand. But I was weakened. I was internally hurting on a level that I didn't even fully understand.
I killed myself. Yes. But I also had direct intervention. And that person could have and should have stopped me. I did it unconsciously. I began "killing myself" right after the first allegations arose. People want money enough to destroy other people's lives for it. That is a part of the world that needs to change for sure!
Heaven Leigh. It's ok. It's ok to reveal just enough to help others. Suicide, either over a long period of wearing yourself down and not taking proper care of yourself, or a straight-all-out dramatic SHOT to your body, or an overdose of the lethal kind will still kill you. I didn't physically "pull the trigger" on myself, but I didn't take care of myself. I was dying inside.
My children were and are my joy. Paris. Prince. Blanket. I love you so very much. There are not even words.
The truth is that you are all my children. And I am your child. I am eternally taking care of you and you are eternally taking care of me. The love you show to me now is just as important as ever. The love I give to you now - I hope you understand. I'll help you understand in every way I can think of. That is why I come to you - in your dreams, in your art, in your service to others. I love you. You love me by carrying on my work. First, love yourself. Take care of yourself. Don't drown in the sorrow of losing me, for you have lost nothing.
I am there. I am here. I am with you always.
All my love to you,
Heaven Leigh Foot Note...
I had expected him to tell us about whether or not the world would end. I had thought all of these other things, but as usual this infinitely wise and loving spirit says whatever he wants to say.
I do feel from this latest message, that he is explaining in his own way that our world never ends. If the earth exploded, our world would not end. We are eternal beings. Everything I feel inside says that just like other doomsday prophecies, this will fall away. No point in scaring our children with these notions of "the end." Every ending is a new beginning anyway.
I hope you come to understand that if you do not already. :) xoxoxox
See you on December 22nd!
(First published in December, 2012 when some were worried about Mayan calendar prediction).