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Are people like peanut butter? (A humorous look at people)

Updated on April 16, 2016


Peanut butter is creamy, crunchy, oily, messy, sticky, gooey, thick, heavy, and in some cases, sugary. So how do people stack up? Let’s see if we can narrow it down. Everyone has their up-side and their down-side, however most people have their ‘usual’ behavioral pattern which comes out no matter what. Let’s see if people and their behaviors stack up to peanut butter.

Before we go any further:

Do you know anyone who is like peanut butter?

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Smooth businessman.
Smooth businessman. | Source

Creamy peanut butter

Creamy peanut butter is smooth, creamy, and thick. Can we compare anyone to this type of peanut butter? Well, how about someone who is a ‘smooth’ character. A ‘smooth’ character can change the direction of a conversation. He/she can make things seem logical at the time they are saying it. He/she can give you reasons for things that make you feel so good you will do whatever they want you to do. A ‘smooth’ character can talk you into doing just about anything whether it is good, bad, or in-between. A ‘smooth’ character can seep through the cracks and still smell good. Yep, they are creamy peanut butter all right.

Crunchy peanut butter.

Crunchy peanut butter is smooth at times and crunchy at others. Can we compare anyone to this type of peanut butter? Hmmm, someone who can be both smooth and crunchy would be a two-faced back-stabber. They can seem smooth and sweet to your face and then stab you in the back when you aren’t around. He/she will seemingly be out for your best interest while actually doing for themselves and no other. ‘Crunchy’ characters can fit into most crowds easily. They can be, or do, whatever it takes to be ‘part of the crowd’. He/she will never show their true feelings even in cases of close relationships with others. Yep, crunchy fits that quite well. Don't you remember eating crunchy peanut butter and finding that the crunchy bits aren't in every bite?

Oily peanut butter

Oily peanut butter is usually one that has separated because it hasn’t been processed or pasteurized. Oily peanut butter is slippery and difficult to work with. Oily people (now don’t go labeling, it does not mean they are any different from you or I) can usually coat rough patches in their dealings with people and make it seem as though everything is just fine. He/she can smoothly interject any emotion into their conversations to evoke whatever reaction they seek. They can make a total stranger feel obligated to them for whatever reason. They skate over the law; bending but not, technically, breaking it. Oily characters can often convince even business savvy people to fall for their tricks. Yeah, that’s oily peanut butter, seeps right through the confines of the bread.

Messy peanut butter

Messy--Hmmmm, messy is part of the whole peanut butter consciousness, so I’m not sure I can compare, but let’s see. A ‘messy’ character would most likely be lazy to a point. They wouldn’t actually sit in filth, but if the place is messy, well, it looks ‘lived in’ not dirty. A messy person doesn’t pay much attention to their looks, since it would take too much effort. A messy person would not want to do much that would require a lot of effort such as skiing, sledding, skating, bike riding, swimming, etc. especially since that would mean they would have to know where their equipment was in their ‘messy’ room. I guess I can compare it to messy peanut butter because messy peanut butter gets all over the jar, cabinet, table, plate, hands, mouth, and anything else it gets near. But******* it sure isn’t going to clean up the mess it made!

Sticky peanut butter

Ummm, sticky, let’s see. Sticky means that the peanut butter sticks to anything and everything. The roof of your mouth, your hand, the knife, the glass you try to drink from to wash it down, and even the clothes you are wearing. A ‘sticky’ character would be one who sticks to things almost automatically. I don’t mean they will ‘stick’ by your side; I mean they will walk by things that don’t belong to them and the items just stick to their hands (not their fault, you see). Sticky personalities can be smooth when they want to be and then stick something in their pocket when you aren’t looking. Yeah, it’s sticky peanut butter all right!


Hmmn, gooey--Gooey peanut butter is slimy, oozie, and even gross sometimes. The Gooey character can be smooth and easy going, getting people to believe their desperate pleas for help and then, just as you think you have done your best, they will ooze up to your side and tell you they are desperate once more. He/she can slip away unseen, and ooze back when the coast is clear. He/she can move slowly across the distance and suddenly they plop right in front of you to draw more of whatever you have away from you. Yeah, I do believe that would be gooey peanut butter.

Thick and Heavy peanut butter

I think these two go together--Thick, heavy peanut butter will weigh down a sandwich, but with slow deliberate moves, and then drop out just as you take a bite. This type of character will be soft and sweet, the best around, offering the world as help to you, until you really need them. Then, with a heavy ‘dollop’ of guilt and agony, they will be ‘dropping’ out of your sight till the work is done. Yet, never will they believe that they haven’t always been there whenever you needed them. They will swear they have always done their part and how dare you say otherwise. Yeah, thick (stubborn) and heavy (with the guilt they place on you).

Sweet peanut butter

Sweet peanut butter is only sweet when we put it with something sweet like peanut butter and chocolate or peanut butter cookies. But like several of the descriptions above, a sweet personality (when matched with peanut butter) occurs only occasionally and only when it desires to be sweet. Wouldn't want to know what would happen if they desired to be unsweet.......

So, we have come to the end and I ask again....

Do you know anyone that is like peanut?

See results

In Conclusion

So there you have it. Peanut butter compared to people. I guess, if you look deep enough, you can find a little bit of peanut butter in all of us; yep, even those who are allergic to peanuts. What a breakthrough! What a revelation! What a bunch of, well, let's be nice and say 'fiction'. I hope you don't have to deal with any peanut butter personalities; but if you do, just picture them oozing out of two slices of bread and you'll be just fine.

© 2012 Cheryl Simonds

Please be sure to comment and let me know how I have done!

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    • profile image


      7 years ago

      Love the pun, cherylone! ; ) You are welcome!

    • cherylone profile imageAUTHOR

      Cheryl Simonds 

      7 years ago from Connecticut

      I am glad you liked it; the idea just came to me one day and you know what, it stuck (pun intended). Thanks for voting and thanks for the compliments.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      Interesting concept...I never have thought of personalities that way, but I get it. ; ) Pretty clever thoughts there, Missy! Voted up and interesting.

    • cherylone profile imageAUTHOR

      Cheryl Simonds 

      7 years ago from Connecticut

      PDXKarokeGuy, Thanks! It just came to me and I had to share.

    • PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

      Justin W Price 

      7 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

      clever. I've never heard of comparing people to peanut butter :o)

    • cherylone profile imageAUTHOR

      Cheryl Simonds 

      7 years ago from Connecticut

      Dancilla, I had a lot of fun writing this one. Thanks for voting up.

    • Dancilla profile image


      7 years ago from El Paso

      Interesting and funny hub! I really enjoyed reading it. Voted up!

    • cherylone profile imageAUTHOR

      Cheryl Simonds 

      7 years ago from Connecticut

      Perspycacious, mine too, that's probably how I thought of it in the first place, yes I have seen my share of characters all right... :)

    • Perspycacious profile image

      Demas W Jasper 

      7 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      I kept reading, and thinking of what a cast of characters you must have encountered in your life to be so conversant with them. I could wish you better, but then peanut butter is one staple of my diet!

    • cherylone profile imageAUTHOR

      Cheryl Simonds 

      7 years ago from Connecticut

      Thanks for the comments, kj, I was just trying to be funny.

    • kj force profile image


      7 years ago from Florida

      OMG....never even thought about it,but you described just about everybody in my family..we're all a little "nutty"..loved your take on this subject..

    • cherylone profile imageAUTHOR

      Cheryl Simonds 

      7 years ago from Connecticut

      Thank you, sen.sush, I believe I fit in there (probably on more than one level), my daughter says I am a 'dork' when I write things like this. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

    • sen.sush23 profile image


      7 years ago from Kolkata, India

      I could not at first think of any Peanut butter character. But as I eased and thought of it, I started to recognize the different types as you describe. So I have the entire list ready and I think I too am one of the types of peanut butters mentioned.

      Funny and very interesting new angle to gossiping


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