Are People Like Peanut Butter? (a Humorous Look at People)

Peanut butter is creamy, crunchy, oily, messy, sticky, gooey, thick, heavy, and in many cases, sugary. So how do people stack up? Let’s see if we can narrow it down. Everyone has their up-side and their down-side, however most people have their ‘usual’ behavioral pattern which comes out no matter what. Let’s see how people and their behaviors stack up to peanut butter.

Creamy peanut butter is smooth, creamy, and thick. Can we compare anyone to this type of peanut butter? Well, how about someone who is a ‘smooth’ character. A ‘smooth’ character can change the direction of a conversation. He/she can make things seem logical at the time they are saying it. He/she can give you reasons for things that make you feel so good you will do whatever they want you to do. A ‘smooth’ character can talk you into doing just about anything whether it is good, bad, or in-between. A ‘smooth’ character can seep through the cracks and still smell good. Yep, they are creamy peanut butter all right.

Crunchy peanut butter is smooth at times and crunchy at others. Can we compare anyone to this type of peanut butter? Hmmm, someone who can be both smooth and crunchy would be a two-faced back-stabber. They can seem smooth and sweet to your face and then stab you in the back when you aren’t around. He/she will seemingly be out for your best interest while actually doing for themselves and no other. ‘Crunchy’ characters can fit into most crowds easily. They can be, or do, whatever it takes to be ‘part of the crowd’. He/she will never show their true feelings even in cases of close relationships with others. Yep, crunchy fits that quite well. Don't you remember eating crunchy peanut butter and finding that the crunchy bits aren't in every bite? But they are there right when you didn't expect them to be, crunchy peanut butter for sure.

Oily peanut butter is usually one that has separated because it hasn’t been heavily processed or pasteurized. Oily peanut butter is slippery and difficult to work with. Oily people (now don’t go labeling, it does not mean they are any different from you or I in appearance) can usually coat rough patches in their dealings with people and make it seem as though everything is just fine. He/she can smoothly interject any emotion into their conversations to evoke whatever reaction they seek. They can make a total stranger feel obligated to them for whatever reason. They skate over the law; bending but not, technically, breaking it. Oily characters can often convince even business savvy people to fall for their tricks. Yeah, that’s oily peanut butter, seeps right through the confines of the bread. Sticks to the things you don't want it to stick to, like the knife. Yeah, they qualify as oily peanut butter.

Messy--Hmmmm, messy is part of the whole peanut butter consciousness, so I’m not sure I can compare, but let’s see. A ‘messy’ character would most likely be lazy to a point. They wouldn’t actually sit in filth, but if the place is messy, well, it looks ‘lived in’ and not dirty. A messy person doesn’t pay much attention to their looks, since it would take too much effort, or perhaps they just feel it would be messy again anyway so why bother. A messy person would not want to do much that would require a lot of effort such as skiing, sledding, skating, bike riding, swimming, etc. especially since that would mean they would have to know where their equipment was in their ‘messy’ room. I guess I can compare it to messy peanut butter because messy peanut butter gets all over the jar, cabinet, table, plate, hands, mouth, and anything else it gets near. But******* it sure isn’t going to clean up the mess it made! So, yeah, messy peanut butter.

Ummm, sticky, let’s see. Sticky means that the peanut butter sticks to anything and everything. The roof of your mouth, your hand, the knife, the glass you try to drink from to wash it down, and even the clothes you are wearing. Of course all peanut butter does that to a point; but, sticky peanut butter is so bad you have trouble keeping the bread together. The knife touches the bread and the bread sticks and rips at that point. A ‘sticky’ character would be one who sticks to things almost automatically. I don’t mean they will ‘stick’ by your side; I mean they will walk by things that don’t belong to them and the items just stick to their hands (not their fault, you see). Sticky personalities can be smooth when they want to be and then stick something in their pocket when you aren’t looking. They can stick to almost anything. Most of the time they stick to things you especially don't want them to stick to. Yeah, it’s sticky peanut butter all right!

Just between you and me, I think I might be a little bit of all of them.

Hmmn, gooey--Gooey peanut butter is slimy, oozie, and even gross sometimes. It is hard to clean up because it smears all over the place. The 'gooey' character can be smooth and easy going, getting people to believe their desperate pleas for help; and then, just as you think you have done your best, they will ooze up to your side and tell you they are desperate once more. He/she can slip away unseen, and ooze back when the coast is clear. He/she can move slowly across the distance and suddenly they plop right in front of you to draw more of whatever you have away from you. They are easy to acquire but hard to get rid of; and, they make you feel bad about trying. Yeah, I do believe that would be gooey peanut butter.

I think these two go together--Thick, heavy peanut butter will weigh down a sandwich, but with slow deliberate moves, and then drop out just as you take a bite. This type of character will be soft and sweet, the best around, offering the world as help to you, until you really need them. Then, with a heavy ‘dollop’ of guilt and agony, they will be ‘dropping’ out of your sight till the work is done. Yet, never will they believe that they haven’t always been there whenever you needed them. They will swear they have always done their part and how dare you say otherwise. Yeah, thick (stubborn) and heavy (with the guilt they place on you). That is thick and heavy peanut butter all right.

Sweet peanut butter is only sweet when we put it with something sweet like peanut butter and chocolate or peanut butter cookies. But like several of the descriptions above, a sweet personality (when matched with peanut butter) occurs only occasionally and only when it desires to be sweet. Like a boss who wants you to work and be loyal, but won't give you the time of day when out of the office. He would rather fire you in public than admit he/she knows or likes you. That is sweet peanut butter all right. Wouldn't want to know what would happen if it desired to be non-sweet, would you? Peanut butter cookies would take on a whole new meaning.

So there you have it. Peanut butter compared to people. I guess, if you look deep enough, you can find a little bit of peanut butter in all of us; yep, even those who are allergic to peanuts. What a breakthrough! What a revelation! What a bunch of, well, let's be nice and say 'fiction'. I hope you don't have to deal with any peanut butter personalities; but if you do, just picture them oozing out of two slices of bread and you'll be just fine.