Attention Common Folks: Seven Things That You Can and Cannot Do at The Opera

Sorry, friends. Today, no hot chicks, or guys, hot rods, or any other diversionary photo or image that might take your mind off of my topic: Opera. No, I have not lost my reasoning. And no, I have not sold my soul to TARGET to become a life-life mannequin. I have just "went off the beaten path" for one story.

I am far from being an expert on opera, but if you want a "nutshell definition," here it is: Ballet as well as opera were born out of royal entertainments in the 17th-century cities of Italy and France. These were spectacular productions celebrating marriages or political visits used by kings or nobles to show off their wealth and power. And from these humble public displays of music and dance, to use a raw term: "it caught on." Big time.

Today opera is a big-time industry raking in millions in performance royalties, ticket sales, and merchandising. I respect that although I am not an opera fan. But I can tell you that "opera" is not to be confused with America's rural goldmine: "Grand Ole Opry," because it doesn't take a college-educated person to see that there are differences in the two.

I've never attended the opera. Never had clothes suitable. I mean. Would you like to attend an opera performance in New York City and stand-out like a sleep walking cat burglar? No, sir. I wouldn't. Opera is for anyone to appreciate, but only for the elite of society to attend. Have you ever caught Hank Williams, Jr., at any opera? No. And you won't. And Williams has more bucks than anyone can imagine. But like his fans, me included, he is a common guy at heart.

Just by random-thinking, I came up with this list of

Attention Common Folks: Seven Things That You Can and Cannot Do at The Opera

Recently and after writing this piece, I think I might be of help to those uppity, stiff-necked socialites who help to keep opera alive and well.

Seven Things That You Cannot Do at The Opera:

7.) Throw tomatoes or any form of produce, fresh or dated, at opera singers on stage.

6.) Play a rousing game of "tag football" with a few of your buddies while the performance is going on.

5.) Stick in a CD of Hank, Jr., "Family Tradition," and turn the volume wide-open.

4.) Yell, "You guys and gals want a cold one?" at the opera singers and audience members.

3.) Get a fun-loving, free-spirited girl to dance with you in the aisle while your wife fumes in anger.

2.) Pull off your trousers because as you tell the police, "I ain't used to wearin' long pants!"

1.) Throw dollar bills at the pretty blond opera singers to show them you appreciate them.

Seven Things That You Can Do at The Opera:

7.) Spend your money on programs and concessions like there is no tomorrow.

6.) Donate part of your weekly paycheck to this particular opera company.

5.) Volunteer for the next season with this opera company as a common laborer backstage.

4.) Write letters to the editor to daily newspapers telling that you think this opera company is fantastic.

3.) Go door-to-door on your off days taking up money for this opera company.

2.) Stand and give standing ovations as much as you like during the performances.

1.) Ask to take photos of the opera singers after the show and publish them in daily newspapers.

Oh, and would you like to accompany me to see "The Barber of Cadillac Seville?"