Biscuit Head Urban Legend

A very sweet little old lady kept active in the community by doing errands for people who were less capable than she was. Since her mobility was not yet an issue, she often delivered groceries, odds and ends, medications, etc., to fellow seniors who were infirm.

One hot summer day, after church, she was asked if she could deliver some groceries to one of her fellow church members. She quickly and gladly responded that she would be happy to honour the request even when told at what location she was expected to deliver the goods. The location was in an area of Baltimore City considered as dangerous with a high crime rate. Although, at first, this put the helpful old lady ill at ease, she went to the grocery store with the appropriate list and shopped for the infirm acquaintance, vowing to just give her assistance in a prompt manner so she wouldn't have to be inside the dangerous Balitimore City area for too long.

Once her car was loaded with the groceries, the old lady navigated into the neighborhood to deliver groceries. Because she was, indeed, a bit nervous, she decided to be more safe than sorry, and rolled up her car windows as she looked for the right place to stop and unload the groceries. The interior of her car, since she had no air conditioning, soon became very uncomfortably warm...

Now, remember, it was already a very hot summer day out back when the old lady was still at church during mid-day... so by the time of the grocery delivery, it was late afternoon, the hottest time of day. It was sweaty and sweltering hot inside the old lady's car but being more safe than sorry, she kept her car window up and her car doors locked in the dangerous neighborhood...

She sweated and her face got red but she knew this trip wouldn't take too long and wasn't willing to crack the windows even for a moment in this bad neighborhood...even though the interior heat quickly climbed to 90+ degrees.

She had just located the street she needed to be on when suddenly she heard a loud "POP!" sound in the car. At the same time, she felt a strange impact to the back of her head. She reached back and felt an oozing mess at the back of her head and began to fret, thinking this oozing gunk was part of her brains. She was quite sure that in this neighborhood, she had been shot - so she forgot all about her grocery delivering and hit the gas, trying to get herself to the nearest hospital or emergency service before the rest of her brains leaked out from the gunshot wound...

Amazingly, despite the gunshot wound, the little old lady managed to get herself to the hospital and walked into the emergency area. She told the nearest attendant that she'd just been shot and mentioned the district of Baltimore City she was in when the shooting occurred. The attendant immediately brought her to an examination room.

Doctors were puzzled, finding only an oozing white substance on the woman but no blood - so they asked her where on her body she was shot. When the lady answered "My Head!" the doctors examined further but still could only see the white substance but find no blood or bullet wounds on the lady's head...

Ultimately, the doctors pieced together the fact that the kind little old lady hadn't been shot at all and that the oozy white substance she believed to be from a gunshot wound was, in fact, a huge wad of biscuit dough...the kind of biscuits in a can - from a can that had exploded in the extreme heat of her car!

These are basically ready-to-make biscuit dough pieces made into quick, tasty doughnuts (rather, donut-holes)...a great big CHEAT but nobody will punish you for cheating here - not after they taste your doughnuts!

1. Get a can/package of ready-to make biscuits/dough, preferrably the buttermilk flavour.

2. Have a lot of sugar on hand (yum) - icing sugar is best but fine, granulated sugar can also be used and the latter works best while the cooked dough pieces are quite hot still... so take precautions for heat - use tongs so you don't burn your fingers!

3. You are going to "deep fry" these delectible treats, so use whatever you usually use for deep frying - with clean oil, please.

4. Separate each dough piece from the container, roll (don't squish it back up too much - you want the rolls to stay light and fluffed) slightly - just to make a nice, round shape. (I actually break the portions into half and find these to be plenty big enough for "donut-hole" morsels by the time I am done preparing, cooking, and "dusting" with sweet stuff).

5. Deep fry the doughballs, turning to keep the heat even... when golden versus browned, remove doughball from heat (it will cook a few seconds more, maybe up to a minute longer, so BE CAREFUL HERE - don't overcook). The cooking should only take 1 minute or so. If the dough is taking more than 2 minutes, your oil isn't hot enough... (again, use extreme care regarding heat while doing all of this - heated oil is very dangerous).

6. Remove each cooked dough piece from heat/oil and let sit briefly on paper towelling to get rid of some grease (30 seconds - try to roll the ball around a bit to let the towelling soak up some oil).

7. While dough balls are still quite hot, use tongs to roll the dough pieces in powdered (icing) sugar or in find, granulated sugar.

8. Serve immediately!

Variations:

Mixing hot chocolate powder liberally with icing sugar makes a nice, chocolate-y treat

Mixing cinnamon (and nutmeg, too - just a pinch) with icing sugar is really nice