- Entertainment and Media
Blast the Chickens - Free Online Game
Save the galaxy, one bird at a time
It's easy to love a chicken when it's breaded and boiled in lard. It's simple to admire our barnyard friends when they arrive at the table ensconced in fresh buns and swaddled in barbeque sauce. Without chickens, Applebee's and Friday's would be flea markets with flat screen TVs..
On the other hand, get yourself blown up once or twice by hordes of weaponized chickens and your thoughts drift toward mass chicken annihilation. KFC is a fun place because parachuting cluckers in attack formations almost never descend from the rafters.
Consider yourself warned: chickens plan to attack you and all that you hold dear. Play Chicken Invaders at your own risk. The universe needs you, but come strong to the mouse. Only the bold will survive.
This game has roots
This free online chicken game comes to you courtesy of the programmers at Microsoft. Yes, Microsoft does have one or two programmers on staff. This product is at least as secure as Windows XP and as reliable as Internet Explorer 5.
We don't know the origins of the software. Perhaps every punch list was wrapped up and the programmers were looking forward to a long weekend when Bill Gates strode into the cubicle farm, demanding a state-of-the-art chicken killing free online game that takes place in deep space. It could happen.
Chickens attack in waves
Never in any sane barnyard have chickens organized so efficiently. They attack in smooth waves of rows and columns. They drop from the sky in attack-eggs that must be fired upon several times to be subdued. They parachute through deep space wearing either goose-down vests or bullet-proof kevlar vests.
A particularly creepy attack wave consists of one single solitary chicken that must have been Barry Bonds' favorite house pet: the thing is immensely huge and suffering from 'roid rage. It refuses to die. It absorbs multiple impacts from your weapon. It seeks only to land on your head and make you die. Eventually, if you can stop laughing enough, you may be able to pump enough hot lead into it to end its' virtual life and render it unfit for future employment at Chik-Fil-A.
Each wave starts a little closer and move a little quicker. Places to hide shrink each time a new round begins. This is a classic shooter game that substitutes chicken avatars for slavering murderous aliens. The waves never seem to abate, until the game stops to play a commercial. We love Microsoft.
How do you win?
You're a winner just by playing. Not really.
Microsoft wins every time you play:they've coaxed you to sit through a commercial or three in order to get to the game.
If you enjoy online free blasting/shooting/exploding games with a chicken soundtrack, this is the game for you. If you order a pot of mashed potatoes at KFC because you can't stand chickens and would rather see every last one of them blasted into oblivion, this is the game for you.
If you think chickens are cuddly and cute, you may want to look elsewhere for online entertainment. We have no doubt that many roosters and hens make wonderful pets and even better sandwiches, but this crop of cluckers is simply bad news.
They all deserve to be blasted into component molecules. Not one of them makes any attempt whatsoever to negotiate a shaky cease fire. You won't see a single solitary bird break from the ranks and wave a white flag in its' little beak. They fight to the last avian.
There's precious little strategy in this free online chicken game: click the mouse button as fast as you can to launch as many missiles as you can. Your cannon never overheats and you cannot run out of ammo. In this world without rules, the chickens are endless and the weaponry is formidable.