ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Brian's B Movies - Reviews and Suggested Suffering

Updated on April 18, 2011
Would I lie?
Would I lie?

Rehabilitation Through B Movies

            There are only a few constants in the universe.  The first one is that everything burns, and the other that leaps to mind is that we all make mistakes.  Ever find yourself doing the face palm, or thrusting your head down to your lap with your hands on either side seriously asking yourself why you did something?  We’ve all done it.  But, do you ever reward yourself for those little triumphs in your life by giving yourself permission to have that extra snack or desert?  So why shouldn’t we punish ourselves with something more tangible than guilt and shame when we make a mistake?

            So what can you do?  Sadomasochism is right out!  You’re just trying to teach yourself a lesson; not embark on a new lifestyle.  You can always deny yourself the things you want, but we want rehabilitation without permanent suffering.  I’ve found a fun self-punishment method you won’t soon forget without any serious damage.  Force yourself to watch bad movies.

            Some movies are not worth the cost of the paper the ticket was printed on.  They are simply examples of the movie industry going through the motions of filling space between blockbusters.  But there is an alternative.  These are movies where the creators, actors and other members of the production, for some unknown reason, were unaware they have no talent.    I say, let the punishment fit the crime; and with that I present to you, 5 common mistakes we all make in life followed by the movie you should force yourself to watch.

  1. Forgot to do your taxes – Plan 9 from Outer Space, you’ve heard of it but now you’re going to watch it (all of it).
  1. Bitched about the boss at the water cooler while he was behind you – Snow Beast with Bo Svenson, fitting since his career was over as well.
  1. Locked your keys in the car – The Car, a story about a possessed car is cool since you’re going to blame it on the car in some way.
  1. Got caught sleeping at your desk – Night of the Lepus, doesn’t have much to do with sleeping but giant killer fluffy bunnies seem fitting.
  1. Forgot your 6yr old child’s birthday – Attack of the Super Monsters, when your child gets up after 6 minutes saying, “This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen,” you my friend will begin to realize you have selected something fitting your crime.

Well there you have it for now.  A fun filled way to tell yourself to get your act together and smarten up.  Of course after a couple of these films you might start to feel like a genius.  Don’t worry; the feeling fades fast.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)